Well, 2005 was a good year, i met a couple of ppl i dropped a couple of ppl, the same way it goes every year.... but 2006 was the year of Good Feeling. People around me, gained something, lost things that were weighing them down, went through struggles and came out stronger, clearer and with renewed dedication.
Yes, 2006 was good and 2007 has promise for even more... Take a minute and look back to your resolutions/goals for 2006...did you make them happen? What was the Problem? Well you ain't getting any younger and time doesn't stand still for no man/woman, so it's time to get up off that ass and do something with your future before it becomes obsolete. I live by this.... I did everything in my power to make my dreams come to fruition in 2006, most of them did but some of my more important dreams were rejected like the Knicks at any basketball game this season.
That will not discourage me though, that will only allow me to re-up, throw some water on my face and get back out there, cause I'm dedicated to moving forward only. The LADY does not move back, she keeps it moving so you either on the train or you catching the next ride without me. In my previous blog i wrote some goals and I'm sticking to them. A good idea is to post them up on the ceiling when you wake up, above the mirror in the bathroom... a really good place is wherever your eyes go when you are making a #2 (directly across the room, on the floor, wherever you look when you're looking around visiting the john). That way your goals are drilled into your brain.
Stop the excuses, they get you nowhere. So what, you would like to do this but you may fail at it...dammit at least you tried. and if you fail, do something else, pull out that skill you have and work it to your advantage. I know peeps with full-time jobs, kids, getting their masters degrees, my mom did it, my dad did it so dang it, most of the ppl i know have NO excuse. You are your own worst enemy and your FEAR is the answer to your questions.... why don't i have what they have? Why haven't I gotten this? what's taking so long for me? IT'S YOU
No one got to where they needed to be by standing in one spot. Some put one foot in front of the other, some jumped, some even took off running. But in order to get from Point A to point Z you have to make a move.
So what's your next move going to be?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
reality Check
Garette and I "unofficially" live together. I've been comfortable saying this when anyone asks... even when they tell me to stop bullshitting. It's unofficial, he doesn't have all his clothes, Most of his clothes are at his other place. So it makes sense, he can't live with me if he doesn't have all his "stuff". He only has one piece of furniture, a hideous TV stand that doesn't have a TV on it because i have an entertainment center.
This rationale has sat comfortably with me for 6 months and then a survey form comes along and makes me wipe off the foggy window. Filling out a survey for Evite (you could win $2500, why not), the box for relationship gave no leeway.
I'm not married, but i am living with him... am i living with him...i might as well admit it...he's there everyday...he cleans (yes he cleans)...he gives me money toward daily living expenses so.... yes OH DAMN....reality right where i don't need it, in my face.
yea, shortly thereafter i went back and fogged up the window. Denial is a lovely place south of keep your nose in your own business-ville and west of i don't know what you're talking about-land. It does help that "married or living with a partner" referred to homosexual couples who can't marry so since the answer didn't apply to me, it doesn't count as an epiphany.
yay me
This rationale has sat comfortably with me for 6 months and then a survey form comes along and makes me wipe off the foggy window. Filling out a survey for Evite (you could win $2500, why not), the box for relationship gave no leeway.
8) Which of the following best describes your marital status?
Divorced, widowed, or separated
I'm not married, but i am living with him... am i living with him...i might as well admit it...he's there everyday...he cleans (yes he cleans)...he gives me money toward daily living expenses so.... yes OH DAMN....reality right where i don't need it, in my face.
yea, shortly thereafter i went back and fogged up the window. Denial is a lovely place south of keep your nose in your own business-ville and west of i don't know what you're talking about-land. It does help that "married or living with a partner" referred to homosexual couples who can't marry so since the answer didn't apply to me, it doesn't count as an epiphany.
yay me
Monday, December 18, 2006
2007 is coming...
I'm so tired... the flu symptoms are coming on slowly but are felt nonetheless. It started with a sore throat, then this morning came the body aches and now i can barely keep my eyes open. Not even to type this blog, since I'm a really good typist, my eyes will be closed for most of this blog.
So it seems Christmas is coming fast. the end of the year even faster and 2007 will come with more promises, more hopes for gratification, hopes for a better future, better life and growth all around. isn't it special, every year we get a re-do to do our lives better, to do them RIGHT.
This year was a good year filled with good things. Moving out is moving up, vehicles taking us to new places, relationships blossoming, it's all good news. 2007 has the potential to be phenomenal with new HOMES, relationships solidified and desires quenched. like every year, it'll be what you make it, plan or no plan every choice you make defines you as a person. So whether you make no choices (punk), risky choices (daredevil), or choices that will ensure a return on your future (safe), it's your life and it's only what you make it.
So here's my top 5 list for what i want to achieve in 2007 (not in order)
1. Move to Atlanta with Garette
2. Get accepted into a teaching program (GaTAPP)
3. Get a raise to out of dept
4. Get Mommi out of that neighborhood
5. Get my house in ATL
So it seems Christmas is coming fast. the end of the year even faster and 2007 will come with more promises, more hopes for gratification, hopes for a better future, better life and growth all around. isn't it special, every year we get a re-do to do our lives better, to do them RIGHT.
This year was a good year filled with good things. Moving out is moving up, vehicles taking us to new places, relationships blossoming, it's all good news. 2007 has the potential to be phenomenal with new HOMES, relationships solidified and desires quenched. like every year, it'll be what you make it, plan or no plan every choice you make defines you as a person. So whether you make no choices (punk), risky choices (daredevil), or choices that will ensure a return on your future (safe), it's your life and it's only what you make it.
So here's my top 5 list for what i want to achieve in 2007 (not in order)
1. Move to Atlanta with Garette
2. Get accepted into a teaching program (GaTAPP)
3. Get a raise to out of dept
4. Get Mommi out of that neighborhood
5. Get my house in ATL
Friday, December 08, 2006
Not Built for it
Nope, nada, uh uh I'm just not built for cold weather. It's friggin 19 degrees outside, i froze my face off going to the bank for work deposits and get this.... it's only for today. Alot of ppl are going to get sick from this sudden temporary drop in the weather. These are the same ppl that will sit next to me on the train sniffling and coughing up a storm.....
I wore the equivalent of a quilt with a zipper up the middle to work, jogging pants under my jeans, two pairs of socks a long-sleeve tee. I want to be where the sun shines down and i don't wake up to 18 or below degress...sounds good to me
(FYI, this is an older post that I forgot to post)
I wore the equivalent of a quilt with a zipper up the middle to work, jogging pants under my jeans, two pairs of socks a long-sleeve tee. I want to be where the sun shines down and i don't wake up to 18 or below degress...sounds good to me
(FYI, this is an older post that I forgot to post)
Monday, December 04, 2006
December is holiday time
It's December....YAYAY
it's holiday time, barely working time, time to be nice and time to CHUCK people to the side so you can get to that cashmere sweater that's reduced 40% with a 15% coupon in your back pocket. AHHHH, smell that cinnamonny pine air and see those lights. i don't know about you but it puts me in a cozy mood to see houses decorated knowing that i don't have a house, so i don't have to do that shit. ahhhhh
it's also time for my holiday party, at least for this year... so if you got an evite, come along, bring your belly and your funny bone cause it'll be a jolly good time. If you didn't get the evite, act like you don't know about the party so i won't be embarrassed i didn't invite you :)
I want to take a holiday pic with Garette but he will think it's corny and refuse.... how can i trick him? any suggestions?
Happy holidays
it's holiday time, barely working time, time to be nice and time to CHUCK people to the side so you can get to that cashmere sweater that's reduced 40% with a 15% coupon in your back pocket. AHHHH, smell that cinnamonny pine air and see those lights. i don't know about you but it puts me in a cozy mood to see houses decorated knowing that i don't have a house, so i don't have to do that shit. ahhhhh
it's also time for my holiday party, at least for this year... so if you got an evite, come along, bring your belly and your funny bone cause it'll be a jolly good time. If you didn't get the evite, act like you don't know about the party so i won't be embarrassed i didn't invite you :)
I want to take a holiday pic with Garette but he will think it's corny and refuse.... how can i trick him? any suggestions?
Happy holidays
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Man MS
My huny is doing something that has me puzzled. he's being normal.
No matter what men think, they go through PMS sometimes worse than women. It's Man MS...they get quiet, get attitudes, grumpy, moody, walk around with a frown, easily ticked off etc etc. and when you bring this to their attention they have no idea what you're talking about...riiiiight
so that's currently Garette's mood, or at least it was and then almost overnight he's showing up at my girls night, talking non-stop, smiling, caring and on the phone said "i love you baby"... whooa.... what's going on?
for a minute there i thought we were on a reality show cause this certainly doesn't seem real (none of them are). then a kiss while I'm sleeping, a call in the middle of the day, it's like when we first met.... i mean the middle of the day to say "what's up". no ulterior motive, doesn't need anything, just hi.
I'm not complaining about his recent behavior modifications, if anything it's made things happier at home, more comfortable.
and yea a little on edge to see where the pin will drop.
No matter what men think, they go through PMS sometimes worse than women. It's Man MS...they get quiet, get attitudes, grumpy, moody, walk around with a frown, easily ticked off etc etc. and when you bring this to their attention they have no idea what you're talking about...riiiiight
so that's currently Garette's mood, or at least it was and then almost overnight he's showing up at my girls night, talking non-stop, smiling, caring and on the phone said "i love you baby"... whooa.... what's going on?
for a minute there i thought we were on a reality show cause this certainly doesn't seem real (none of them are). then a kiss while I'm sleeping, a call in the middle of the day, it's like when we first met.... i mean the middle of the day to say "what's up". no ulterior motive, doesn't need anything, just hi.
I'm not complaining about his recent behavior modifications, if anything it's made things happier at home, more comfortable.
and yea a little on edge to see where the pin will drop.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
shut ur trap
OK, let me clear the air cause this became a pet peeve very recently. Do not under any circumstances, critique my food while I'm eating, interrupt me while I'm eating, or have anything to say about what I'm eating before i get to eat or afterwards. In a nutshell, shut your trap and mind your own business.
This is what you misunderstand. When i say my clothes don't fit, i mean, my clothes no longer fit me. I'm not fat, I'm happy with my body. i could be a bit more toned but in essence I'm sexy as hell, make no mistake about it and that comes NATURALLY. the only reason i complain, is b/c bills have to be paid, thus i can't buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my figure.
as ladies, we all go through those times when our bodies naturally take on more water and bloat and we feel like shit, so i may complain then too but really, i didn't ask your opinion, nor do i care for it. the fact that ppl see a bag that says McDonald's, you really think that i must have the entire menu inside of it, or maybe it's a salad, or maybe it's ice cream, or even 1 cheeseburger and an apple pie. maybe the fact that that's all i eat for the rest of the night plays into the reason I'm not 200 lbs.
not that i need to give anyone an explanation but during a 5 day work week i allow myself 1 lunchtime of bad food and it's usually followed up at home by 8 pieces of cheese and crackers for dinner or vegetables. the rest of the week i have lunch from home followed by a sandwich for dinner.
so, whether it was a joke or not, it was uncalled for and rude.
This is what you misunderstand. When i say my clothes don't fit, i mean, my clothes no longer fit me. I'm not fat, I'm happy with my body. i could be a bit more toned but in essence I'm sexy as hell, make no mistake about it and that comes NATURALLY. the only reason i complain, is b/c bills have to be paid, thus i can't buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my figure.
as ladies, we all go through those times when our bodies naturally take on more water and bloat and we feel like shit, so i may complain then too but really, i didn't ask your opinion, nor do i care for it. the fact that ppl see a bag that says McDonald's, you really think that i must have the entire menu inside of it, or maybe it's a salad, or maybe it's ice cream, or even 1 cheeseburger and an apple pie. maybe the fact that that's all i eat for the rest of the night plays into the reason I'm not 200 lbs.
not that i need to give anyone an explanation but during a 5 day work week i allow myself 1 lunchtime of bad food and it's usually followed up at home by 8 pieces of cheese and crackers for dinner or vegetables. the rest of the week i have lunch from home followed by a sandwich for dinner.
so, whether it was a joke or not, it was uncalled for and rude.
Friday, November 17, 2006
it is what it is take it or leave it
OK, there are positives and negatives about writing a blog. The problem being that this is me in my rawest form, un-edited, un-rehearsed. The words pour from my heart to my head unto the screen and then for the world to see. At most times, it's in the heat of anger, other times just trying to see through the confusion and most often than not, i don't read it back. it is what it is take it or leave it.
I chose to write this blog about me, my experiences, my life, my angers, my peeves, my joys, hurts, funnies, stupid stories and just silly situations. I chose to share a part of me that most people thought they knew but suddenly realize, they don't. I chose to voice through words what I most often can't through emotions cause i have too much of those...that was a choice that was easy for me to do since i love writing and i stopped so long ago.
the problem you ask? Well that comes when people read it...
I would say, don't take it too seriously but these are real emotions. My Epiphany's, which i tell you that I've come to without actually saying what they were, are real. But if you haven't gotten it yet, let me share something else with you....
I'm not huggy, my emotions are kept on the inside until i decide to voice them. I don't get excited about having "private girl time" because it seems too forced. I bond over everyday life experiences; hanging out, everyday sharing, 'catching up' over a plate of potato skins while other tables chatter with their own business is ideal for me. Being around any person too much annoys me and they will eventually annoy me and that is when i fall back...but I'm never far. I go through moods, i have bouts of depression for no reason at all. I hate bullshit so if you're one of those ppl that bullshit to yourself chances are you annoy me with it. I forgive but i never forget. I'm super observant and catch things you don't realize you revealed. I'm always there to help and to listen. If i have done you wrong, let me know cause I can't fix my behavior if I'm unaware. but
if you show no interest in my life it will take me a while to warm up to you again no matter how close you thought we were. it's not me being spiteful, it's me protecting myself. i may come off a bit cold, but you can't force me back, it'll come back when it does. besides, i always get quiet when i have a lot to work out for myself.
I chose to write this blog about me, my experiences, my life, my angers, my peeves, my joys, hurts, funnies, stupid stories and just silly situations. I chose to share a part of me that most people thought they knew but suddenly realize, they don't. I chose to voice through words what I most often can't through emotions cause i have too much of those...that was a choice that was easy for me to do since i love writing and i stopped so long ago.
the problem you ask? Well that comes when people read it...
I would say, don't take it too seriously but these are real emotions. My Epiphany's, which i tell you that I've come to without actually saying what they were, are real. But if you haven't gotten it yet, let me share something else with you....
I'm not huggy, my emotions are kept on the inside until i decide to voice them. I don't get excited about having "private girl time" because it seems too forced. I bond over everyday life experiences; hanging out, everyday sharing, 'catching up' over a plate of potato skins while other tables chatter with their own business is ideal for me. Being around any person too much annoys me and they will eventually annoy me and that is when i fall back...but I'm never far. I go through moods, i have bouts of depression for no reason at all. I hate bullshit so if you're one of those ppl that bullshit to yourself chances are you annoy me with it. I forgive but i never forget. I'm super observant and catch things you don't realize you revealed. I'm always there to help and to listen. If i have done you wrong, let me know cause I can't fix my behavior if I'm unaware. but
if you show no interest in my life it will take me a while to warm up to you again no matter how close you thought we were. it's not me being spiteful, it's me protecting myself. i may come off a bit cold, but you can't force me back, it'll come back when it does. besides, i always get quiet when i have a lot to work out for myself.
Friday, November 10, 2006
I'm back
It's been so long since I've written anything. My week-long vacation to Barbados was amazing and I have to say certain parts made me long for taking a vacation alone with Garette. I have yet to upload the pics but when I do, I have an amazing sunset shot off the terrace of our hotel.
We must have went all over the island although I did NOT get to see the college with my Surname. We usually take a picture there. Everything seemed so familiar but still so new to me, granted it's only been 8 years since I've been back, for my brother that also went, over 20 years. However, we won't make that mistake again.
We must have went all over the island although I did NOT get to see the college with my Surname. We usually take a picture there. Everything seemed so familiar but still so new to me, granted it's only been 8 years since I've been back, for my brother that also went, over 20 years. However, we won't make that mistake again.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Dear GOD...
I'm having one of those days... one of those revealing days where actions and qualities are being exaggerated so i notice them.... or maybe it seems that way. Every attitude, every suck of the teeth, every instance where they think they know me so well they totally mis-read my intentions. Lord it makes me question their existence in my life... should they be here? is this what i have to look forward to?
Chuck it all that little devil on the side of me says... leave them be. and sometimes it sounds so good especially on days like this. So in the meantime.... see ya!
Chuck it all that little devil on the side of me says... leave them be. and sometimes it sounds so good especially on days like this. So in the meantime.... see ya!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Forgetting your manners....
As I ran out the house this morning a bit behind but determined to catch the emptier train the cold air shocks me and once again my ankle feels like it's about to crack or die. "Walk it off, walk it off" I can hear my grandfather say so I push past and walk only as fast as a six foot girl in sneakers can. Still, short ppl really think they can do better so they walk in front of me, knowing I'm trying to past them, only to have the back of their shoe taken off... really, you should have known...
I get a seat on the train after a couple of stops standing and reading and at the last stop in Brooklyn I put my book away and get ready for my morning 20 min nap to 34th street... That is, until Park Place. It kills me, how regardless of the fact that it is rush hour and the train is packed it would be one person, one ignorant, got up on the wrong side of the bed, angry at the world, needs some good loving to get the stick out their ass person to start an argument about "you're touching me".
Unfortunately it was a black woman. Instead of realizing that perhaps some body parts will touch others, especially when you're blessed with a healthy rear, I think it's unfair to start off at someone because their butt touched yours. Let's think about this... his butt, touched her butt, would it be better if his bag touched your butt... he in fact did NOT touch her butt but in the course of standing on a train shaking side to side, his butt touched her butt... Heaven forbid.
so she starts arguing because of the butt touching to which he says what everyone was thinking, "Bitch". Now here is where I got mad, since I was on his side the whole time, but why call someone out their name cause they got an attitude with you? She did not call him any names just resented the fact that they butt-loved, sucked her teeth and muttered to herself loud enough for everyone to hear. Sure, she may have been acting "bitchy" but in no way does any woman deserve some idiot to call her a bitch just to make himself look good.
So I say to you Mr. Grease-haired man on the #2 train this morning who got his ass chewed out because he didn't pay attention in Manners class and Man training... Calling a woman a bitch is not a good idea. Calling a black woman a bitch is an even stupider idea, and calling a west-Indian woman a bitch....tsk.... If she'da took ur head off I would only have supplied the bag in which to put it in. It did not make you a man, instead, it just won you the...
Biggest Jerk of the Week Award.
I get a seat on the train after a couple of stops standing and reading and at the last stop in Brooklyn I put my book away and get ready for my morning 20 min nap to 34th street... That is, until Park Place. It kills me, how regardless of the fact that it is rush hour and the train is packed it would be one person, one ignorant, got up on the wrong side of the bed, angry at the world, needs some good loving to get the stick out their ass person to start an argument about "you're touching me".
Unfortunately it was a black woman. Instead of realizing that perhaps some body parts will touch others, especially when you're blessed with a healthy rear, I think it's unfair to start off at someone because their butt touched yours. Let's think about this... his butt, touched her butt, would it be better if his bag touched your butt... he in fact did NOT touch her butt but in the course of standing on a train shaking side to side, his butt touched her butt... Heaven forbid.
so she starts arguing because of the butt touching to which he says what everyone was thinking, "Bitch". Now here is where I got mad, since I was on his side the whole time, but why call someone out their name cause they got an attitude with you? She did not call him any names just resented the fact that they butt-loved, sucked her teeth and muttered to herself loud enough for everyone to hear. Sure, she may have been acting "bitchy" but in no way does any woman deserve some idiot to call her a bitch just to make himself look good.
So I say to you Mr. Grease-haired man on the #2 train this morning who got his ass chewed out because he didn't pay attention in Manners class and Man training... Calling a woman a bitch is not a good idea. Calling a black woman a bitch is an even stupider idea, and calling a west-Indian woman a bitch....tsk.... If she'da took ur head off I would only have supplied the bag in which to put it in. It did not make you a man, instead, it just won you the...
Biggest Jerk of the Week Award.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Doggie care
Don't take this the wrong way but I like that ppl don't come to my house. I have been everywhere lately, everybody else's apts and no one has come to mine. Does it really bother me?... NO.
but i am thinking about getting a dog... maybe when i get a raise (hint hint bossman) i can really consider it. i need company (not necessarily human) and i'm tired of cats (the devils pet). i think i want my dog now. having a pet makes you come home b/c really, who wants to come home to a dead pet cause you weren't there to feed it... or step in a puddle of piss cause you weren't there to take it outside. and obviously this dog will have to be spayed or clipped cause i'm not dealing with a horny mutt.
i see having a dog as the first step to family... like having my apt is my first step to a house. Getting my affairs, bills and what not in order. keeping up with the household crap, you know all that grown up stuff. Having a child scares he bejesus outta me so if i can have a dog and not kill it, i think that would be a positive thing since these damn plants don't seem to last past a couple of days :)
but i am thinking about getting a dog... maybe when i get a raise (hint hint bossman) i can really consider it. i need company (not necessarily human) and i'm tired of cats (the devils pet). i think i want my dog now. having a pet makes you come home b/c really, who wants to come home to a dead pet cause you weren't there to feed it... or step in a puddle of piss cause you weren't there to take it outside. and obviously this dog will have to be spayed or clipped cause i'm not dealing with a horny mutt.
i see having a dog as the first step to family... like having my apt is my first step to a house. Getting my affairs, bills and what not in order. keeping up with the household crap, you know all that grown up stuff. Having a child scares he bejesus outta me so if i can have a dog and not kill it, i think that would be a positive thing since these damn plants don't seem to last past a couple of days :)
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I Slave
and slave cleaning the house and all you do is come in the house and have no words. You don't notice a damn thing, so why work?
Yo, I am so feeling like an unappreciated housewife.
after an argument Sunday about a pot that was still in the fridge with food that should have been cleaned, Garette and I got into a heated discussion about responsibilities. He thought since I cooked, I should have seen the pot and cleaned it. I didn't need that pot when I cooked so why look for it and clean it? He on the other hand is home more often than me, why didn't he clean it? He says that he didn't look in the fridge. By the looks of his belly that didn't grow on its own, I would say, he's lying.
anyway, Monday afterwork I came home with a new swiffer dry sweeper ready to attack the apt with the help of my cleaning agents. I brought a mildew remover for the bathroom (which by the way is awesome, Lysol Mildow Remover, spray the area and watch it disappear), and Softscrub with bleach. My bathroom is sparkling. Plus, I bought a new bathroom decor, so it's now chocolate brown to go with the season. Then I organized the bathroom storage area.
then I put away the laundry which has been sitting there for a week. Three bags of laundry, both mine and Garette's. Cleaned up the living area and bedroom area (since I live in a studio it's all one area really). by the end, my back was killing me and I could do no more so I went to sleep. I waited too and got no response, no nod, no acknowledgement.
yes, I understand I clean for me but still, it would be nice to hear, nice job.
Yo, I am so feeling like an unappreciated housewife.
after an argument Sunday about a pot that was still in the fridge with food that should have been cleaned, Garette and I got into a heated discussion about responsibilities. He thought since I cooked, I should have seen the pot and cleaned it. I didn't need that pot when I cooked so why look for it and clean it? He on the other hand is home more often than me, why didn't he clean it? He says that he didn't look in the fridge. By the looks of his belly that didn't grow on its own, I would say, he's lying.
anyway, Monday afterwork I came home with a new swiffer dry sweeper ready to attack the apt with the help of my cleaning agents. I brought a mildew remover for the bathroom (which by the way is awesome, Lysol Mildow Remover, spray the area and watch it disappear), and Softscrub with bleach. My bathroom is sparkling. Plus, I bought a new bathroom decor, so it's now chocolate brown to go with the season. Then I organized the bathroom storage area.
then I put away the laundry which has been sitting there for a week. Three bags of laundry, both mine and Garette's. Cleaned up the living area and bedroom area (since I live in a studio it's all one area really). by the end, my back was killing me and I could do no more so I went to sleep. I waited too and got no response, no nod, no acknowledgement.
yes, I understand I clean for me but still, it would be nice to hear, nice job.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Knicks passing me by
Dude, I so just missed an opportunity to see a Knicks vs. Nets game but it's ok, another time. I've been telling myself that for too long and before I move, I MUST see a knicks game.
Nothing much to write, fighting the tail end of a stuffy sickness from earlier this week. In the process of popping Dayquil which I frequently do when I'm sick, I realized, this may not be too good with the Mitral Valve Prolapse the doc diagnosed me with. Its actually the reason I noticed my heart beating rapidly. So for the first time during a sickness, I battled through, without the assistance of cold medicine (in the daytime). At night I still needed assistance, otherwise I'd been up blowing away half my brain.
Garette came through with a promise he made to me, which made me feel a bit better about our future. Although it was late, it was a step in the right direction. and that's all I ask.
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Nothing much to write, fighting the tail end of a stuffy sickness from earlier this week. In the process of popping Dayquil which I frequently do when I'm sick, I realized, this may not be too good with the Mitral Valve Prolapse the doc diagnosed me with. Its actually the reason I noticed my heart beating rapidly. So for the first time during a sickness, I battled through, without the assistance of cold medicine (in the daytime). At night I still needed assistance, otherwise I'd been up blowing away half my brain.
Garette came through with a promise he made to me, which made me feel a bit better about our future. Although it was late, it was a step in the right direction. and that's all I ask.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Overbooked
Damn, it's Friday already. Where does the time go? Although right now I'm killing time until I can leave at 5:30 and what a nice surprise, I do NOT have to work Monday which is Columbus day. I would like a day to rest but in 1 day my weekend has totally booked up. How do I let things like this happen?
Just yesterday Sunday was my only day that I would really be leaving my house to be in the crowds. Suddenly I have to race to my moms tonight to do laundry, then go to club Strata for a friends birthday party. Tomorrow which was just a simple day of Archery, turns into Archery, Movies, and a haunted house. Sunday to see my cousin at her booth at the Circle of Sisters Expo and then Monday to hang out with an old friend while we watch a bunch of badass kids.
I'm already tired just gearing up for it all. I just have to do one thing.... Don't sweat my hair out... It looks so cute when it's freshly done.
Just yesterday Sunday was my only day that I would really be leaving my house to be in the crowds. Suddenly I have to race to my moms tonight to do laundry, then go to club Strata for a friends birthday party. Tomorrow which was just a simple day of Archery, turns into Archery, Movies, and a haunted house. Sunday to see my cousin at her booth at the Circle of Sisters Expo and then Monday to hang out with an old friend while we watch a bunch of badass kids.
I'm already tired just gearing up for it all. I just have to do one thing.... Don't sweat my hair out... It looks so cute when it's freshly done.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Let me be your muse
People always told me that I have a lot to say... that I have an opinion on everything. And Yes, I do. It's what makes me... me. It's also a major part of the reason I created this blog. And it appears that some of my friends have a lot to say as well, so they created their own blogs.
Check them out
Insert Gripe here
The Unfathomable Femme Fatale
Baddisms
Check them out
Insert Gripe here
The Unfathomable Femme Fatale
Baddisms
Friday, September 29, 2006
A day without my phone
A couple of years ago, we didn't have cell phone compartments in our purses. We used quarters in a pay phone. We coordinated where we would meet beforehand and we waited until we got home to converse with our friends about some guy, our day or even what we were wearing to our next event.... Not so much nowadays. Now it seems, people talk on their cell phones everywhere, in the elevator at the doctors office, getting a procedure done anywhere on their bodies, on a date, their cell phones are attached to the ear so the person(s) on the other line knows exactly what's happening, right now.
well, yesterday, totally by accident, I left my cell phone at home. Anyone who knows me knows my cell phone is my communication. I chat on AIM, text constantly, and it's my phone book since I relinquished the task of remembering numbers from my brain and gave it to my cell (or at least the SIM card).
About 2 blocks from my house (and very close to the train station), I realize I do not have my cell phone. "shit, damn" as I stopped, turned around and gave up hope of going back home. "I'll just email ppl so they know". Sitting down in the office I was forced to use the clock on my computer rather than my phone when deciding on whether to greet ppl with "Good Morning...." or "Good Afternoon".
then, when I went to lunch, who would I talk to? Who would chat with me as I waited in line for my chicken sandwich? Silence......
......
......
walking down the street I usually ignore people by chatting on the phone but now I was forced to listen to their comments, which all in all, are pretty flattering once they don't get offended that I didn't stop to talk to them.
it took a good three times to call my boyfriend from my job phone before he answered a number he didn't recognize.
then going to mommi's house, I don't have my key, and I'll have to wait outside for her to answer the door (sometimes it takes a while to get down those stairs). usually I call when I'm walking up the block so she's there waiting for me but this time, I had to act like a visitor. A salesperson who came knocking wanting to introduce a potential buyer to a product that worked like the last one but has been totally re-formatted and is in a cuter bottle.
once I got home, way after 10 pm, I checked my phone... A lot of text messages (the only way to communicate in the twenty-first century). And a picture of a book with someone's name on it from my brother..... Time for him to explain...
yah, shall I make the first call
all in all, the day was pretty freeing without it. I wouldn't do it again if I had pressing plans but I would definitely do it again. I AM NOT A SLAVE!!!!
well, yesterday, totally by accident, I left my cell phone at home. Anyone who knows me knows my cell phone is my communication. I chat on AIM, text constantly, and it's my phone book since I relinquished the task of remembering numbers from my brain and gave it to my cell (or at least the SIM card).
About 2 blocks from my house (and very close to the train station), I realize I do not have my cell phone. "shit, damn" as I stopped, turned around and gave up hope of going back home. "I'll just email ppl so they know". Sitting down in the office I was forced to use the clock on my computer rather than my phone when deciding on whether to greet ppl with "Good Morning...." or "Good Afternoon".
then, when I went to lunch, who would I talk to? Who would chat with me as I waited in line for my chicken sandwich? Silence......
......
......
walking down the street I usually ignore people by chatting on the phone but now I was forced to listen to their comments, which all in all, are pretty flattering once they don't get offended that I didn't stop to talk to them.
it took a good three times to call my boyfriend from my job phone before he answered a number he didn't recognize.
then going to mommi's house, I don't have my key, and I'll have to wait outside for her to answer the door (sometimes it takes a while to get down those stairs). usually I call when I'm walking up the block so she's there waiting for me but this time, I had to act like a visitor. A salesperson who came knocking wanting to introduce a potential buyer to a product that worked like the last one but has been totally re-formatted and is in a cuter bottle.
once I got home, way after 10 pm, I checked my phone... A lot of text messages (the only way to communicate in the twenty-first century). And a picture of a book with someone's name on it from my brother..... Time for him to explain...
yah, shall I make the first call
all in all, the day was pretty freeing without it. I wouldn't do it again if I had pressing plans but I would definitely do it again. I AM NOT A SLAVE!!!!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Stop and smell the stink...
Its only when you stop that you realize the world goes on without you, and the truths you were too busy to see before suddenly become brazenly obvious.
The hardest part is seeing it come from people you love. Whether it's the way they showboat when others are around or how selfish and self-centered they truly are you always knew it on some level but now that you don't have so much taking your focus away not only does it shock you, it disgusts you.
I've seen so much in the past couple of weeks it's amazing to me. After going through a tumultuous week, ending in a heart wrenching Friday which covered itself up by overeating for two days and finally ending with a tonsillitis and the flu on Sunday I'm ready to be alone. All by lonesome at home watching season premieres and series premieres.
Oh and making mosaics with my mosaic team... Love u guys!
The hardest part is seeing it come from people you love. Whether it's the way they showboat when others are around or how selfish and self-centered they truly are you always knew it on some level but now that you don't have so much taking your focus away not only does it shock you, it disgusts you.
I've seen so much in the past couple of weeks it's amazing to me. After going through a tumultuous week, ending in a heart wrenching Friday which covered itself up by overeating for two days and finally ending with a tonsillitis and the flu on Sunday I'm ready to be alone. All by lonesome at home watching season premieres and series premieres.
Oh and making mosaics with my mosaic team... Love u guys!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Ok I get it
Sometimes I wish GOD had text messaging. My message would be
"OK G, I get it"
lately it seems as if life was getting a bit hard for me to handle. Creditors calling my job (how they got the # I don't know), I owe this, I owe that, rent, bills. I know ppl said it was hard but Geez louise I didn't know how hard.
its so funny how one minute you know where your life is headed, you know what's going to happen and then boom, suddenly nothing seems right, your plans are just ideas and you have no grip on your life. I haven't felt stable in a long time and being a Taurus, that's just a bit confusing.
the trouble being, I'm not happy. geez I went to school for four years, busted my ass in classes to get someone tea and look at me like I have the audacity to look her in the eye. Then I have someone else who speaks very plainly like I don't know how to send a letter FedEx. Mind you, I work in a very small firm and I've come from very big ones so not only do I know how to send a letter, I can type it in 55wpm, format it correctly and use the big words to make it sound overly educated.
so I guess ppls underestimations, underpayment and utterly, my uninterest in this field got to the point where I can't take it anymore. I'm trying not to fall into the depressive state but everything just seems to happen together. And just when you think it's over... BAM here it comes again.
So yea, I'm weighing my options... Do I look for another job now even though I'm leaving in 8-10 months? Do I stay and ask for a raise? Can I stay here without slapping a bitch? Should I get a second job? Will that ultimately be my demise?
I have an interview tomorrow and a phone interview after that. I took the day off as a mental health day cause I'm heading down a dark path and it's not pretty. As I calm down from my latest run-in with an in-house ass, I schedule the interview, then get an email regarding the phone interview literally and hour apart. I'm listening to some gospel and suddenly I'm totally aware of the words of the song "Everything is gonna be alright" from al green playing in my ear. WOW
OK G, I get it... You're taking care of it...
I guess only time will tell
"OK G, I get it"
lately it seems as if life was getting a bit hard for me to handle. Creditors calling my job (how they got the # I don't know), I owe this, I owe that, rent, bills. I know ppl said it was hard but Geez louise I didn't know how hard.
its so funny how one minute you know where your life is headed, you know what's going to happen and then boom, suddenly nothing seems right, your plans are just ideas and you have no grip on your life. I haven't felt stable in a long time and being a Taurus, that's just a bit confusing.
the trouble being, I'm not happy. geez I went to school for four years, busted my ass in classes to get someone tea and look at me like I have the audacity to look her in the eye. Then I have someone else who speaks very plainly like I don't know how to send a letter FedEx. Mind you, I work in a very small firm and I've come from very big ones so not only do I know how to send a letter, I can type it in 55wpm, format it correctly and use the big words to make it sound overly educated.
so I guess ppls underestimations, underpayment and utterly, my uninterest in this field got to the point where I can't take it anymore. I'm trying not to fall into the depressive state but everything just seems to happen together. And just when you think it's over... BAM here it comes again.
So yea, I'm weighing my options... Do I look for another job now even though I'm leaving in 8-10 months? Do I stay and ask for a raise? Can I stay here without slapping a bitch? Should I get a second job? Will that ultimately be my demise?
I have an interview tomorrow and a phone interview after that. I took the day off as a mental health day cause I'm heading down a dark path and it's not pretty. As I calm down from my latest run-in with an in-house ass, I schedule the interview, then get an email regarding the phone interview literally and hour apart. I'm listening to some gospel and suddenly I'm totally aware of the words of the song "Everything is gonna be alright" from al green playing in my ear. WOW
OK G, I get it... You're taking care of it...
I guess only time will tell
Friday, September 15, 2006
Birthday Shouts
Happy Birthday Denise
we're gonna party cause it's ya birthday.
You got a lot of growing up to do but you're well on your way.... YAY
unfortunately in trying to find something to wear for your shindig, I'm reminded of a horrendous fact... I gained weight. Half of my clothes I can't fit into anymore or don't fit the way they should. It's a sobering reality when you don't have the money to buy a whole new wardrobe. So I guess I have to diet or exercise. Here's the problem. I don't like either. How do I lose weight when I can't motivate myself to go to a gym?
I hate the gym... ppl stare (they do), they watch you cause they forgot to bring their own book to read, they don't get off the damn treadmill when they know they only signed up for a half hour block. I hate going when I have my period. and why is it that I only get the urge to jog when its getting too cold outside to start?
I need help cause this whole diet and exercise thing, I can't do by myself.
we're gonna party cause it's ya birthday.
You got a lot of growing up to do but you're well on your way.... YAY
unfortunately in trying to find something to wear for your shindig, I'm reminded of a horrendous fact... I gained weight. Half of my clothes I can't fit into anymore or don't fit the way they should. It's a sobering reality when you don't have the money to buy a whole new wardrobe. So I guess I have to diet or exercise. Here's the problem. I don't like either. How do I lose weight when I can't motivate myself to go to a gym?
I hate the gym... ppl stare (they do), they watch you cause they forgot to bring their own book to read, they don't get off the damn treadmill when they know they only signed up for a half hour block. I hate going when I have my period. and why is it that I only get the urge to jog when its getting too cold outside to start?
I need help cause this whole diet and exercise thing, I can't do by myself.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Happy ass Mo'Fo's
I've been wanting to write this for a couple of days now but was afraid someone would take it the wrong way. Oh well;
Since Ignorance is bliss.... There are some happy go lucky mutha fuckas walking around assimilating into civilization. Some of them even passing themselves off as my friends... YEA I SAID IT.
Dumb people make me mad.... Ignorant ppl drive me crazy... What's the difference?
Dumb is calling out sick and going shopping around your office
Ignorant is coming upstairs to get your purchases from the day before
Dumb is making a mistake that could have been avoided
Ignorant is letting that mistake stand until it becomes worse when the opportunity to correct it is in front of you
Dumb is not knowing when to stop
Ignorant is taking it too far so not to be topped.
Dumb is getting mad cause I don't agree with you
Ignorant is not talking to me because of it.
Although i rather deal with a dumb person, I'd prefer my friends were sane, together individuals. And I'm trying not to judge... Being ignorant is a state of mind, it doesn't have to be a character until you make it. I'm ignorant to a lot of things but am willing to educate myself on those subjects... Truly ignorant ppl are willing to be content in their ignorance.
but here's another thing, that old saying about birds of a feather... It's true. Look at the character flaw and tell me if that person is your road dog, then ask someone objective if you have that character flaw... Chances are you do. So glad, the ignorant ones are NOT in my inner circle.
Since Ignorance is bliss.... There are some happy go lucky mutha fuckas walking around assimilating into civilization. Some of them even passing themselves off as my friends... YEA I SAID IT.
Dumb people make me mad.... Ignorant ppl drive me crazy... What's the difference?
Dumb is calling out sick and going shopping around your office
Ignorant is coming upstairs to get your purchases from the day before
Dumb is making a mistake that could have been avoided
Ignorant is letting that mistake stand until it becomes worse when the opportunity to correct it is in front of you
Dumb is not knowing when to stop
Ignorant is taking it too far so not to be topped.
Dumb is getting mad cause I don't agree with you
Ignorant is not talking to me because of it.
Although i rather deal with a dumb person, I'd prefer my friends were sane, together individuals. And I'm trying not to judge... Being ignorant is a state of mind, it doesn't have to be a character until you make it. I'm ignorant to a lot of things but am willing to educate myself on those subjects... Truly ignorant ppl are willing to be content in their ignorance.
but here's another thing, that old saying about birds of a feather... It's true. Look at the character flaw and tell me if that person is your road dog, then ask someone objective if you have that character flaw... Chances are you do. So glad, the ignorant ones are NOT in my inner circle.
Monday, September 11, 2006
September 11th - Let us Pray
Our father
who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day Our daily Bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
for thine is the kingdom
the power
and the glory
forever
AMEN.
who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day Our daily Bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
for thine is the kingdom
the power
and the glory
forever
AMEN.
Things fall apart
I was talking to D'Anthony on the train on my way to work and the subject of me 'retiring' as our group planner and what's going to happen to our little group of friends when I move came up, and it hit me.... Is this the beginning of the end as he seems to think?
It works both ways... I'm moving to a place where I only know one person. I don't have a group of friends like I do here, who is going to eat my desserts? Of course I'm moving with Garette and my brother lives there so there's my answer. Plus my cousin might be moving soon with her BF so I may re-connect there.
but up here, I'm starting to feel like Big Mama from Soul Food trying to prepare her kids to band together since I won't be here forever. But it's true, I am the one that plans the events but I'm not the only one. Loi definitely gets involved big time, Mike loves when we all get together so I'm sure he'll put his requests in, but beyond those two I see individuals getting together but not like we do now. And with all the moves, everyone is going to be in there on space, and with everyone paying more in rent, no one is going out LOL! Especially since no one drives.
So maybe I DO need a job in the educational field. So that I can get my summers off and come back and beat ppl in the ass. For some, the group is more of a family than they have, everyone is more than just a friend, for others, the group is that comfort zone you have when life becomes too serious. For me, my group represents a place where I don't have to be fake or nice, I can be myself. I can say " a little less talking a little more SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and I won't get hit for it, they'd just start laughing...
I'll miss the group.
call me
It works both ways... I'm moving to a place where I only know one person. I don't have a group of friends like I do here, who is going to eat my desserts? Of course I'm moving with Garette and my brother lives there so there's my answer. Plus my cousin might be moving soon with her BF so I may re-connect there.
but up here, I'm starting to feel like Big Mama from Soul Food trying to prepare her kids to band together since I won't be here forever. But it's true, I am the one that plans the events but I'm not the only one. Loi definitely gets involved big time, Mike loves when we all get together so I'm sure he'll put his requests in, but beyond those two I see individuals getting together but not like we do now. And with all the moves, everyone is going to be in there on space, and with everyone paying more in rent, no one is going out LOL! Especially since no one drives.
So maybe I DO need a job in the educational field. So that I can get my summers off and come back and beat ppl in the ass. For some, the group is more of a family than they have, everyone is more than just a friend, for others, the group is that comfort zone you have when life becomes too serious. For me, my group represents a place where I don't have to be fake or nice, I can be myself. I can say " a little less talking a little more SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and I won't get hit for it, they'd just start laughing...
I'll miss the group.
call me
Thursday, September 07, 2006
How do I love thee???
I have weird friends... I guess they're normal by societal standards but to me they're weird people that think about weird things and come up with interesting, albeit popular theories.
at Dinner one night a conversation between the 'male basher' and the 'male defender/woman basher' ensued bringing about the topic "how does one show love to their significant other, without words?"
my answer- "he's in my house"
which was the truth. Let's keep it real for a minute. He's in my house and I want him there, that's love. I cook for him and do the laundry, that's love. He washes the dishes and kills roaches when they dare to appear, that's love. He makes the bed, I mess it up, that's love. I'm not the biggest advocate of PDA's nor do I practice it often but those are ways that I say I love you, without words.
I have two friends, together they are PDA defined, and it's cute for all of 2 minutes after that I'm ready with the hose, but yea you can see, she loves him, he loves her, awwww, blech.
I have another two friends, one doesn't do much, the other is more PDL (public displays of like) and that's a little more comfortable but still ehhh
I'm the quiet type, this I know. I like to steal glances and winks, hold hands while sitting next to each other or cross my legs over him, but the whole kissing and making out in public, nah not for me.
but it got me to thinking, which got me to asking, "Garette, you know I love you right?"
G: of course, why you asking me this?
Me: Cause I don't always say it
G: you don't have to, I know you, I know you do.
that's my boy.
at Dinner one night a conversation between the 'male basher' and the 'male defender/woman basher' ensued bringing about the topic "how does one show love to their significant other, without words?"
my answer- "he's in my house"
which was the truth. Let's keep it real for a minute. He's in my house and I want him there, that's love. I cook for him and do the laundry, that's love. He washes the dishes and kills roaches when they dare to appear, that's love. He makes the bed, I mess it up, that's love. I'm not the biggest advocate of PDA's nor do I practice it often but those are ways that I say I love you, without words.
I have two friends, together they are PDA defined, and it's cute for all of 2 minutes after that I'm ready with the hose, but yea you can see, she loves him, he loves her, awwww, blech.
I have another two friends, one doesn't do much, the other is more PDL (public displays of like) and that's a little more comfortable but still ehhh
I'm the quiet type, this I know. I like to steal glances and winks, hold hands while sitting next to each other or cross my legs over him, but the whole kissing and making out in public, nah not for me.
but it got me to thinking, which got me to asking, "Garette, you know I love you right?"
G: of course, why you asking me this?
Me: Cause I don't always say it
G: you don't have to, I know you, I know you do.
that's my boy.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Get on Bad
Ohhhhh my body aches, and it's not for you dirty minded people....
Monday, Labor Day, was the annual West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn, NY. And if I may say so myself, the best part of the summer. The Jamaican Truck had Beenie man, Sean Paul, Elephant Man, the Barbados truck had Alison Hinds, Rupee and Crossfire.
After Jumping behind the Bajan truck we danced to the sounds of soca for what seemed like eternity but man was I in heaven. I jumped, got on bad, rolled it down and picked it up north like I was single. Cheese on bread I had such a good time and I especially can't wait to get to Barbados in November.
Alison, Alison, save me as a friend on myspace! (pics to come)
Monday, Labor Day, was the annual West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn, NY. And if I may say so myself, the best part of the summer. The Jamaican Truck had Beenie man, Sean Paul, Elephant Man, the Barbados truck had Alison Hinds, Rupee and Crossfire.
After Jumping behind the Bajan truck we danced to the sounds of soca for what seemed like eternity but man was I in heaven. I jumped, got on bad, rolled it down and picked it up north like I was single. Cheese on bread I had such a good time and I especially can't wait to get to Barbados in November.
Alison, Alison, save me as a friend on myspace! (pics to come)
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Forget You
You know people say I could be very mean at times... I say you must've deserved it. Like when I respond to this question.."I haven't heard from you in a while, did you forget about me??"
What is this? Are you trying to make me feel guilty because I outgrew that a long time ago... Instead you must want to get your feelings hurt cause my answer is ' Yes, I forgot about you. You are clearly a forgettable person and I indeed forgot about you.' and here's the clincher... You OBVIOUSLY forgot about me or at least didn't remember me enough to call, text or email so why are you complaining? It's not as if I heard your voice over my phone in the last couple of months so forgettable you needs to keep on forgetting about me and go on with the life you had 10 minutes ago. Ugh!
But as mean as that seems, my heart bleeds room temperature.
I talk a good game, but it's not easy for me to let go. It never has been. Growing up with a father who traveled quite often and ended up dying halfway across the world, away from the ppl he loved the most, has made it damn near impossible for me to just let someone walk out of my life. It tore me to pieces when my brother moved to Georgia although I know it was something he had to do. Garette can attest to how much I cried moving into my own apt cause instead of being the one who was left, I ended up leaving my mother, and in some ways feeling as though I was abandoning her.
So no, even when someone royally fucks up, even in the midst of my anger which can be detrimental to any friendship, I usually leave a space for them to come back. To me, in life the only finality is death. Nothing is ever over, friendships are never just lost cause life is just too short and this world is too small to simply forget.
What is this? Are you trying to make me feel guilty because I outgrew that a long time ago... Instead you must want to get your feelings hurt cause my answer is ' Yes, I forgot about you. You are clearly a forgettable person and I indeed forgot about you.' and here's the clincher... You OBVIOUSLY forgot about me or at least didn't remember me enough to call, text or email so why are you complaining? It's not as if I heard your voice over my phone in the last couple of months so forgettable you needs to keep on forgetting about me and go on with the life you had 10 minutes ago. Ugh!
But as mean as that seems, my heart bleeds room temperature.
I talk a good game, but it's not easy for me to let go. It never has been. Growing up with a father who traveled quite often and ended up dying halfway across the world, away from the ppl he loved the most, has made it damn near impossible for me to just let someone walk out of my life. It tore me to pieces when my brother moved to Georgia although I know it was something he had to do. Garette can attest to how much I cried moving into my own apt cause instead of being the one who was left, I ended up leaving my mother, and in some ways feeling as though I was abandoning her.
So no, even when someone royally fucks up, even in the midst of my anger which can be detrimental to any friendship, I usually leave a space for them to come back. To me, in life the only finality is death. Nothing is ever over, friendships are never just lost cause life is just too short and this world is too small to simply forget.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Whip it out!
I haven't written much lately but that's mostly due to blogger fucking up, not that I don't have much to say... In particular, to this article...
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14065706/from/ET/
In essence, women are disgusted by the sight of another woman breastfeeding a baby because you may see a tit. The thought that a woman breastfeeding her baby could disgust another woman blows my mind. Breastfeeding is natural, more natural than the stick that's currently embedded in your ass. Animals do it almost seconds after their young'uns are born and we are disgusted by another human being?
another ignorant comment was simply "it's gross" or "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Well, I don't accidentally want to see a misshapen fat ass with a crop shirt but I see it all the time. What do I do afterwards? I get over it. The problem with Americans is that instead of learning about something, educating their young on a topic and accepting it, they rather run and hide. It's the reason why discrimiation and hate seems to occur more in the US than any other country. It's why we had lynching, slavery, reservations... Because what Americans don't understand, they try to kill, beat, assimilate until it looks like some form of themselves.
I bet these mothers who don't want their sons seeing a tit have no problem letting them watch MTV, BET and whatever shows that are playing on their personal Television sets or are streaming through their computers and Ipods. But Breastfeeding is a NO NO
This kills me and as my friend Loi illustrates: "I cant believe that women think this way...just goes to show you what brainwashing does. Breastfeeding has so many benefits some of which They are still discovering and yet people are like ill gross yuck how rude. But show them a pic of a women scantly clad on the front cover and there like ...hmm I wished I looked like her."
To these women I make a promise. When my child is a newbie and it's time to feed, I will leave the bottle in the bag and whip out a tit right next to you in starbucks... And if you dare tell me to go into the bathroom (I don't use public bathrooms why would I feed my kid in one?) you might get special milk in your coffee!
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14065706/from/ET/
In essence, women are disgusted by the sight of another woman breastfeeding a baby because you may see a tit. The thought that a woman breastfeeding her baby could disgust another woman blows my mind. Breastfeeding is natural, more natural than the stick that's currently embedded in your ass. Animals do it almost seconds after their young'uns are born and we are disgusted by another human being?
another ignorant comment was simply "it's gross" or "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Well, I don't accidentally want to see a misshapen fat ass with a crop shirt but I see it all the time. What do I do afterwards? I get over it. The problem with Americans is that instead of learning about something, educating their young on a topic and accepting it, they rather run and hide. It's the reason why discrimiation and hate seems to occur more in the US than any other country. It's why we had lynching, slavery, reservations... Because what Americans don't understand, they try to kill, beat, assimilate until it looks like some form of themselves.
I bet these mothers who don't want their sons seeing a tit have no problem letting them watch MTV, BET and whatever shows that are playing on their personal Television sets or are streaming through their computers and Ipods. But Breastfeeding is a NO NO
This kills me and as my friend Loi illustrates: "I cant believe that women think this way...just goes to show you what brainwashing does. Breastfeeding has so many benefits some of which They are still discovering and yet people are like ill gross yuck how rude. But show them a pic of a women scantly clad on the front cover and there like ...hmm I wished I looked like her."
To these women I make a promise. When my child is a newbie and it's time to feed, I will leave the bottle in the bag and whip out a tit right next to you in starbucks... And if you dare tell me to go into the bathroom (I don't use public bathrooms why would I feed my kid in one?) you might get special milk in your coffee!
Beach BBQ
ok, Below is a list of items to choose from for the bbq. please make a decision as to what you want to bring. If there is something you want to add to the list please let me know so i can add it.
The BBQ will start about 1 in the afternoon this Saturday.
BACKUP PLAN: Club Monaco
1.Hot Dogs & Buns melanie
2.Hamburger patties & Buns & Sliced Cheese - caryn
3.Corn on the cob myrnieka
4.Mac-n-cheese
5.BBQ Chicken myrneika
6.ColeSlaw Julia
7.CHips jennie
8.Plates, Utensils, Napkins & Cups - caryn
9.ICE
10.Condiments melanie
11.Sodas/Juices
12.Beer
13.Charcol & Lighting Fluid julia
14.Fruit Salad & Dessert Boris and darnell
15.Matches (long BBQ matches)
16. Boombox with Batteries
17. Baked Beans julia
remember to bring chairs/blankets/umbrellas for the BBQ.
The BBQ will start about 1 in the afternoon this Saturday.
BACKUP PLAN: Club Monaco
1.Hot Dogs & Buns melanie
2.Hamburger patties & Buns & Sliced Cheese - caryn
3.Corn on the cob myrnieka
4.Mac-n-cheese
5.BBQ Chicken myrneika
6.ColeSlaw Julia
7.CHips jennie
8.Plates, Utensils, Napkins & Cups - caryn
9.ICE
10.Condiments melanie
11.Sodas/Juices
12.Beer
13.Charcol & Lighting Fluid julia
14.Fruit Salad & Dessert Boris and darnell
15.Matches (long BBQ matches)
16. Boombox with Batteries
17. Baked Beans julia
remember to bring chairs/blankets/umbrellas for the BBQ.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Runaway
As my boss asks me if I'm ok, the tears start to well up in my eyes again and all I could do is nod with a smile that fails to mask sadness.
"it's just that you look so sad when you're usually smiling" he says with an encouraging smile. "or should I just mind my business?" To this I laugh and say "it's ok, thank you though" and go back to hiding my face behind mindless work.
it's just one of those days where you start off singing in the shower and end up in a tug o war with the ppl u love best. Part of me just wants to start crying so my boss will send my emotional ass home but the other part wants to rage, scream, punch, draw blood from someone other than myself.
then there's the third part, the dominant part that just wants everyone to fuck off, who just wants to keep to herself and her books since her books never lied to her, never questioned her intentions, never tried to argue or read into her words they just spoke to her and told her a story. They calmed her down and took her to another place, they got her excited, bored, intrigued, horny and yearning to be the main character.
Her books allowed her to have an imagination, caused her to dream in technicolor, and above all let her do something she could never seem to accomplish in reality.... runaway.
"it's just that you look so sad when you're usually smiling" he says with an encouraging smile. "or should I just mind my business?" To this I laugh and say "it's ok, thank you though" and go back to hiding my face behind mindless work.
it's just one of those days where you start off singing in the shower and end up in a tug o war with the ppl u love best. Part of me just wants to start crying so my boss will send my emotional ass home but the other part wants to rage, scream, punch, draw blood from someone other than myself.
then there's the third part, the dominant part that just wants everyone to fuck off, who just wants to keep to herself and her books since her books never lied to her, never questioned her intentions, never tried to argue or read into her words they just spoke to her and told her a story. They calmed her down and took her to another place, they got her excited, bored, intrigued, horny and yearning to be the main character.
Her books allowed her to have an imagination, caused her to dream in technicolor, and above all let her do something she could never seem to accomplish in reality.... runaway.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Here is something I don't understand...
Here is something I don't understand...
I have been there for folks alright, I mean at their worst I am there. I have listened to rants and raves, bad talk, advice, criticisms, bickering, uncertainy, anxiousness, etc. Whatever you name it. Whether I'm at work, at home, healthy, sick, tired, frustrated, on the toilet I let ppl talk, be them.
But it seems when ppl didn't have the time for me I took it quietly, I don't say much, you wanna snap at me, pick, take out whatever aggression towards the world in my direction fine, bring it cause i'ma big girl and can handle what u got to give, the only thing I can't handle is my own anger, so go on, do you.
but how dare you, how fucking dare you try to catch an attitude, come out the side of your face because I HAVE MY OWN LIFE. Stop trying to pick a fight with me, I already let ppl know, you don't want me to get vexed. I can handle mad, I can bite my tongue at that, but vexed... I will not hold back. I'm so sick and tired of my words being misconstrued, and ppl telling me what I really meant. You want clarification, you wanna know what I meant, ask or give me a chance to get my statements out before you jump on me with the attitudes and shit, I ain't got time for it no matter how long we been cool.
I have been there for folks alright, I mean at their worst I am there. I have listened to rants and raves, bad talk, advice, criticisms, bickering, uncertainy, anxiousness, etc. Whatever you name it. Whether I'm at work, at home, healthy, sick, tired, frustrated, on the toilet I let ppl talk, be them.
But it seems when ppl didn't have the time for me I took it quietly, I don't say much, you wanna snap at me, pick, take out whatever aggression towards the world in my direction fine, bring it cause i'ma big girl and can handle what u got to give, the only thing I can't handle is my own anger, so go on, do you.
but how dare you, how fucking dare you try to catch an attitude, come out the side of your face because I HAVE MY OWN LIFE. Stop trying to pick a fight with me, I already let ppl know, you don't want me to get vexed. I can handle mad, I can bite my tongue at that, but vexed... I will not hold back. I'm so sick and tired of my words being misconstrued, and ppl telling me what I really meant. You want clarification, you wanna know what I meant, ask or give me a chance to get my statements out before you jump on me with the attitudes and shit, I ain't got time for it no matter how long we been cool.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Coney
So I went to Coney island over the weekend, something I haven't done in a while. Before last year I don't think I've been since I was a child and after this weekend, I don't know why.
it is totally fun. They don't have many rides that last longer than 2 minutes but when you're there with your friends you have an absolute blast. Who knows, maybe its the company but it all took me back to when I was 13 with my family, riding on my dad's shoulders while mommi bought popcorn for me and my brother Russell. Driving past the outside of Astroland Park in the Mark VII knowing you'll be there in a matter of moments, staring in anticipation at the lights, noise and visions of cotton candy running through my head.
Yes, I've spoken a lot of garbage about Coney over the years, but I just didn't understand. I didn't appreciate its beauty, its boardwalk. How full the moon looks at night and how time can just pass you by in a place so freeing.
it is totally fun. They don't have many rides that last longer than 2 minutes but when you're there with your friends you have an absolute blast. Who knows, maybe its the company but it all took me back to when I was 13 with my family, riding on my dad's shoulders while mommi bought popcorn for me and my brother Russell. Driving past the outside of Astroland Park in the Mark VII knowing you'll be there in a matter of moments, staring in anticipation at the lights, noise and visions of cotton candy running through my head.
Yes, I've spoken a lot of garbage about Coney over the years, but I just didn't understand. I didn't appreciate its beauty, its boardwalk. How full the moon looks at night and how time can just pass you by in a place so freeing.
Friday, August 11, 2006
memories come forward
So you're walking along on your merry way to wherever when your eyes lock with a passerby. Suddenly you're taken back. You couldn't remember his face before but suddenly you are two, three, four years prior holding hands with him. You can see his clothes and the way they hug his body around the chest and then fall free, you can smell his cologne, even though he's across the street it smells as if you're locked in an embrace. You can feel his hands at the small of your back as you look up to him before a kiss, and when your lips touch you suddenly feel a tingle run down your spin as if it's your first.
You stand there cemented to the curb as faceless people whiz by on their way from A to B. You stand there and clutch the bag on your shoulder as your mouth opens agape at the vision before you unites past to present and all you can say is....
Hi.
You stand there cemented to the curb as faceless people whiz by on their way from A to B. You stand there and clutch the bag on your shoulder as your mouth opens agape at the vision before you unites past to present and all you can say is....
Hi.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Chipper!
Everyday about the same time I get a phone call. My co-workers girlfriend calls for him.
I know exactly who it is by her voice. She's super nice all the time and always enunciates the same words. Her voice goes up at Hi and John and its to the point where I want to cringe. Similar to when I hear that alarm beeping sound, I start to tick.... Even when I'm in a good mood, or answer the phones laughing, the sound of her voice changes my tone severely!
what is it about her? She's too damn nice. She's like Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart and misses Smurf all rolled into one. ANNOYING
and one day she comes into the office, needless to say they make a very WASP couple. Think Charlotte York with Miranda's early man-suits. ewwww
I just want to step on her foot and see if she can get mad....
Sarah: HI, may I speak to John please?
I know exactly who it is by her voice. She's super nice all the time and always enunciates the same words. Her voice goes up at Hi and John and its to the point where I want to cringe. Similar to when I hear that alarm beeping sound, I start to tick.... Even when I'm in a good mood, or answer the phones laughing, the sound of her voice changes my tone severely!
what is it about her? She's too damn nice. She's like Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart and misses Smurf all rolled into one. ANNOYING
and one day she comes into the office, needless to say they make a very WASP couple. Think Charlotte York with Miranda's early man-suits. ewwww
I just want to step on her foot and see if she can get mad....
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Little things
This is so cute
Usually I call Gartette in the morning for some reason or another or just to say hi. If I don't call I can expect to get a call by 11:40 am.
and he's consistent too, if I forget to call he will call me to say hello.
so cute...
Usually I call Gartette in the morning for some reason or another or just to say hi. If I don't call I can expect to get a call by 11:40 am.
and he's consistent too, if I forget to call he will call me to say hello.
so cute...
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I miss you LL
Darn it. I wanted to see LL Cool J yesterday and it was packed to capacity. A park was packed to capacity. Can you believe it?
I can only imagine the rippling biceps, bulging triceps and flexed ab muscles glistening in the evening sun as he compelled me to "hush baby, everything will be ok, if we do it my way, my way, my way".... ohhhh we can have it your way baby.
I miss you LL :(
I can only imagine the rippling biceps, bulging triceps and flexed ab muscles glistening in the evening sun as he compelled me to "hush baby, everything will be ok, if we do it my way, my way, my way".... ohhhh we can have it your way baby.
I miss you LL :(
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I wish for you
Why don't people stay together?
there's been a rash of breakups and let downs all around so I have some wishes. These are real wishes that I've only written down and never spoke aloud to anyone.
Lupe and Black
Figure it out... yes, no, friends? Damn, but be up front with it, no more hints, clues or whispers. If there is something you want, you truly want, speak up and stop playing chicken with each other if it frustrates you so much.
Loi and D'Anthony...
work it out, but know, this route will not be an easy one. As a friend, I will not sugarcoat my responses to you. I think you are both in for a lot more heartache than you expect.
Denise...
Take this opportunity and be single. Leave men alone for now but don't let an ass kill your spirit. What he did deserves payback of the 'Set it Off' kind but heal before moving on.
Chia
play on...But remember, just cause he's hot, doesn't mean you need him around in any capacity.
Russell
Settle down already!
Valerie
You've got your family behind you. No man is worth ur pride. I've known you too long and I know you know what's really going on. I love you, I love all of you, but that right there you know I've been through, time to nip that in the bud.
as for Myself and Garette
realize you both are no longer two but one. Your plans for the future begin now and if you're going to make it, compromise is key but you both have to be bringing something to the table.
great... I sound like a fortune cookie.
there's been a rash of breakups and let downs all around so I have some wishes. These are real wishes that I've only written down and never spoke aloud to anyone.
Lupe and Black
Figure it out... yes, no, friends? Damn, but be up front with it, no more hints, clues or whispers. If there is something you want, you truly want, speak up and stop playing chicken with each other if it frustrates you so much.
Loi and D'Anthony...
work it out, but know, this route will not be an easy one. As a friend, I will not sugarcoat my responses to you. I think you are both in for a lot more heartache than you expect.
Denise...
Take this opportunity and be single. Leave men alone for now but don't let an ass kill your spirit. What he did deserves payback of the 'Set it Off' kind but heal before moving on.
Chia
play on...But remember, just cause he's hot, doesn't mean you need him around in any capacity.
Russell
Settle down already!
Valerie
You've got your family behind you. No man is worth ur pride. I've known you too long and I know you know what's really going on. I love you, I love all of you, but that right there you know I've been through, time to nip that in the bud.
as for Myself and Garette
realize you both are no longer two but one. Your plans for the future begin now and if you're going to make it, compromise is key but you both have to be bringing something to the table.
great... I sound like a fortune cookie.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Human Cadaver
So apparently I'm more messed up than I realized...
After the whole palpitations thing, I was told to call 2 weeks later for my blood results. I asked for an HIV test and the doc figured "well, I might as well run everything else too". So after two pricks he drew 3 vials of blood.
So I call now, awaiting my test results. Although I'm anticipating a negative, which I'm sure many of those who are now positive were doing the same thing, I'm still a bit nervous calling and waiting for her to recover my file. She runs through the other stuff, Cholesterol is too high...247 damn.. I'm only 26 how is it that high, it wasn't that high last year (although I did eat cause I wasn't expecting to draw blood). LDL is either 91 or 191 can't remember which... "and oh yea, your iron is extremely low, did you know you're anemic?"
come again?
"Yes, we're gonna have to put you on iron pills for a month so you can get that up and re-test you after that and you should fast then so that we can get an accurate reading of your cholesterol."
So I'm having heart palpitations, breathing problems, and now anemia?
WOW, my kid is screwed
After the whole palpitations thing, I was told to call 2 weeks later for my blood results. I asked for an HIV test and the doc figured "well, I might as well run everything else too". So after two pricks he drew 3 vials of blood.
So I call now, awaiting my test results. Although I'm anticipating a negative, which I'm sure many of those who are now positive were doing the same thing, I'm still a bit nervous calling and waiting for her to recover my file. She runs through the other stuff, Cholesterol is too high...247 damn.. I'm only 26 how is it that high, it wasn't that high last year (although I did eat cause I wasn't expecting to draw blood). LDL is either 91 or 191 can't remember which... "and oh yea, your iron is extremely low, did you know you're anemic?"
come again?
"Yes, we're gonna have to put you on iron pills for a month so you can get that up and re-test you after that and you should fast then so that we can get an accurate reading of your cholesterol."
So I'm having heart palpitations, breathing problems, and now anemia?
WOW, my kid is screwed
Miami Vice
Miami Vice was awesome. At least I thought so, it's so refreshing to go back to shoot em up, bang bang, not too much thought type movies.... how I've missed it. Now if my honey can just develop the arms Jamie Foxx was struting around in that movie...ohhhhhhh
Friday, July 28, 2006
R U Blind?
Just a vent...
Why is it that men can't see something right in front of their faces...
my friend D'Anthony was supposed to buy tix in advance for me, him and my friend Loi to see MIAMI VICE....
Why is it that men can't see something right in front of their faces...
my friend D'Anthony was supposed to buy tix in advance for me, him and my friend Loi to see MIAMI VICE....
men....
Me: Go to fandango.com to buy the tix.
D'A: they don't have the tickets at moviephone.com
Me: go to fandango.com to buy the tix for the 6:15 show
D'A: you can't buy tix online at fandango
Me: I'm on fandago right now, the 6:15 is open
D'A: I don't see it, the theater doesn't have a 'buy' button
Me: it says 'click the movie time to purchase tickets'
Me: are you there?
Me: where'd u go?
Me: ur stupid and i'm writing u up in my blog
D'A: ohhh, you have to click on the time to purchase tickets
Me: BRB i have to write something.
Fashion connection
I'm slowly but surely building my empire... you see one day I will rule the world, I'll be bigger than Donald trump and my hair will look much better.
In 2003 I undertook an enormous task of producing, organizing and choreographed a fashion show. Why? I just wanted to. But my goodness, the headache that followed was a memorable one, but I can't remember a time I was more focused and quick on my feet. So I decided to undertake another show.
Inflation is kicking my ass as everything EVERYTHING has gone up. Where I paid $750 for the space last time, now I'll have to pay out my ass for rental of the space, not to mention the cost of liquor. Possibly security depending on the place, bartenders ice etc.... geez
but I'm still excited and the best part, I have a bf who has the hookup in just about every aspect of the show. Let's work those connections ppl.
In 2003 I undertook an enormous task of producing, organizing and choreographed a fashion show. Why? I just wanted to. But my goodness, the headache that followed was a memorable one, but I can't remember a time I was more focused and quick on my feet. So I decided to undertake another show.
Inflation is kicking my ass as everything EVERYTHING has gone up. Where I paid $750 for the space last time, now I'll have to pay out my ass for rental of the space, not to mention the cost of liquor. Possibly security depending on the place, bartenders ice etc.... geez
but I'm still excited and the best part, I have a bf who has the hookup in just about every aspect of the show. Let's work those connections ppl.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Realization of No More
It's a funny thing that happens in between arguments, the calmness that rolls in like the fog over San Francisco Bay. Being an emotional creature myself, this time is usually filled with me recounting everything he ever did wrong, doubting whether this will last, questioning whether I could put up with this behavior 'til death do us part' and finally, realizing it was just stupid socks on the bed and he's really a good man.... but I'm still not speaking to him
Since he's less emotional, what goes on in his head is usually about 1. food, 2. music, or 3. wondering what his friends are doing and how fast he can catch up to them.
Saturday, none of that happened... After he left the house, I fell asleep and awoke, startled to him kissing me good night before getting into bed. Leaning on the bed, he could feel my heart beating way too fast and then came the questions.... "What's wrong, what happened, why is your heart beating like crazy, sorry if I scared you, lay down, breathe, calm down".
Then when I woke up with the same irregular heartbeat, and Garette checking my pulse. What's going on that has you agitated? So I tell him about my appt to take an ultrasound of my heart since the doc heard palpitations.
What does it mean? Are you sick? How bad is it/could it be?
here comes reality, that 'til death do us part' can happen before we speak those words and that only means one thing.... He's gonna be extra sweet today!
Since he's less emotional, what goes on in his head is usually about 1. food, 2. music, or 3. wondering what his friends are doing and how fast he can catch up to them.
Saturday, none of that happened... After he left the house, I fell asleep and awoke, startled to him kissing me good night before getting into bed. Leaning on the bed, he could feel my heart beating way too fast and then came the questions.... "What's wrong, what happened, why is your heart beating like crazy, sorry if I scared you, lay down, breathe, calm down".
Then when I woke up with the same irregular heartbeat, and Garette checking my pulse. What's going on that has you agitated? So I tell him about my appt to take an ultrasound of my heart since the doc heard palpitations.
What does it mean? Are you sick? How bad is it/could it be?
here comes reality, that 'til death do us part' can happen before we speak those words and that only means one thing.... He's gonna be extra sweet today!
Friday, July 21, 2006
Honey I'm home?
For the first time in a while, Garette came home at a reasonable time. Not after 3:30 am but get this, before 11:30pm. Dude, I know, how exciting and then he turned his phone off and spent the rest of the night with me watching Bridget Jones' Diary II. Then we fell asleep.
Nice right, I know.
I didn't expect him to be home so early but hearing the key in the lock, brought a smile to my face I'm certain he would never know but I definitely appreciate.
Nice right, I know.
I didn't expect him to be home so early but hearing the key in the lock, brought a smile to my face I'm certain he would never know but I definitely appreciate.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Transfer
It seems ever since I left my first job after college, nothing has felt permanent. The job after that landed me in the unemployment line after layoffs, and now this job, although very nice, still doesn't feel permanent. I feel like a fill-in, like I'm here for the moment...
I'm having the same problem when it comes to school. Just when I felt like Guidance counseling was what I wanted to do, rejections from my choice schools has me following their advice and am looking into other options. Still in the education field. I want my summers off dammit! But I figure I can get my teachers certification first, teach elementary school since I can't stand the older kids mouths, then go back and study for my MSed in Counseling. I'm looking at years in text books. Almost sickening.
but now I can get my MSed in Childhood Education, certify in NY then transfer to GA. geez! more transferring, more traveling. another move....
Now, if I can just get a school to accept my ass, I'll be on my way!
I'm having the same problem when it comes to school. Just when I felt like Guidance counseling was what I wanted to do, rejections from my choice schools has me following their advice and am looking into other options. Still in the education field. I want my summers off dammit! But I figure I can get my teachers certification first, teach elementary school since I can't stand the older kids mouths, then go back and study for my MSed in Counseling. I'm looking at years in text books. Almost sickening.
but now I can get my MSed in Childhood Education, certify in NY then transfer to GA. geez! more transferring, more traveling. another move....
Now, if I can just get a school to accept my ass, I'll be on my way!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Love: Fantasy or Reality?
A lifetime of love
A lifetime of sorrows
A lifetime of happiness
waking up to you tomorrow
A season of wonder
a minute of fear
but I won't last a lifetime
unless I have you here.
My life has been filled with ideas of love. I had fairy tale love. Since I grew up in a house where both parents were actively pursuing their bachelors and masters degrees, my brother and I were required to read. We read a lot. My books were not only intellectual, I would read my mothers novels, which were filled with passage like "he swept her off her feet and carried her from the alter, to his waiting car." Pure fantasy which made my mind often wander, and during these times I would create a boyfriend/husband, perfect in every way, endearing to no end and thoughtful of the little things.... What a man...
Then I had reality, the love shared between my parents which wasn't always the best, but I have my memories of very good times. The love shared between my grandparents, which after 63 years of marriage, still goes strong and other examples spread throughout my family and families of my friends. I've experienced love, both the heartache, rough and tumble sort of love and then true love. One man showed me what was probably the purest love I could have experienced. All truth, all understanding, open and for once, I felt worthy of it all. But that ended and for a while I had only the love of my friends and my novels to keep me warm. And then I met Garette, and now I have a different love, a mature love, a future love
The difference is... Real love, the type you experience on earth with another human being who you did not produce is awesome. The trick (and I am in no way an expert, just a connoisseur) is not to think too much. Love is not to be analyzed but experienced. It is not to be broken down but should fill you up. Love should never be hidden cause it's light radiates to the rest of the world. It is compromising, it is compassionate, supportive, patient, funny, angry, bending and unyielding. Love is fragile, but so strong. It is all things, but only if you let it be.
So is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all? I say yes. It don't feel good coming off of that cloud but the memories have always kept me from developing a cold heart. And whenever I'm in doubt, I look to the Bible
A lifetime of sorrows
A lifetime of happiness
waking up to you tomorrow
A season of wonder
a minute of fear
but I won't last a lifetime
unless I have you here.
My life has been filled with ideas of love. I had fairy tale love. Since I grew up in a house where both parents were actively pursuing their bachelors and masters degrees, my brother and I were required to read. We read a lot. My books were not only intellectual, I would read my mothers novels, which were filled with passage like "he swept her off her feet and carried her from the alter, to his waiting car." Pure fantasy which made my mind often wander, and during these times I would create a boyfriend/husband, perfect in every way, endearing to no end and thoughtful of the little things.... What a man...
Then I had reality, the love shared between my parents which wasn't always the best, but I have my memories of very good times. The love shared between my grandparents, which after 63 years of marriage, still goes strong and other examples spread throughout my family and families of my friends. I've experienced love, both the heartache, rough and tumble sort of love and then true love. One man showed me what was probably the purest love I could have experienced. All truth, all understanding, open and for once, I felt worthy of it all. But that ended and for a while I had only the love of my friends and my novels to keep me warm. And then I met Garette, and now I have a different love, a mature love, a future love
The difference is... Real love, the type you experience on earth with another human being who you did not produce is awesome. The trick (and I am in no way an expert, just a connoisseur) is not to think too much. Love is not to be analyzed but experienced. It is not to be broken down but should fill you up. Love should never be hidden cause it's light radiates to the rest of the world. It is compromising, it is compassionate, supportive, patient, funny, angry, bending and unyielding. Love is fragile, but so strong. It is all things, but only if you let it be.
So is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all? I say yes. It don't feel good coming off of that cloud but the memories have always kept me from developing a cold heart. And whenever I'm in doubt, I look to the Bible
Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way: it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. And now faith, hope, and love abide, and the greatest of these is love.
-I Corinthians 13
Friday, July 14, 2006
BET Uncut
"BET Uncut," a music video program from Black Entertainment Television, has been canceled after a six year run on the entertainment television network.Infamous for scantily-clad women and sexual themes, "BET Uncut" featured videos from well-known Hip-Hop and R&B artists that were intended for mature audiences only.
hmmmm, not sure how I feel about this. The article goes on to say how 'outraged' African-American women's groups were by the material in these videos and how they degrade women.... Do they?
It's kind of like when Waiting to Exhale came out and men said we were beating them up in the movie, but the reality is, if it doesn't apply to you why are you mad? The fact remains that it applied to some men and not others.
It's the same theory I see in BET Uncut. Some women would do anything (a.k.a Superhead) to get into videos, bend over and let a man swipe a credit card through your ass, and some women wouldn't. Can I be mad at the video directors, rappers, casting agents etc that exploited these women NO, because most of these women are 18 or older, and from what I can see 23 and over and can think and judge for themselves.
I see nothing wrong with it being on TV especially if it comes on at like 3/4 am when I'm fast asleep. Beyond that, if I don't like it, I don't watch it. Just like porn. I don't watch porn, I don't have the channels, if I did, I may watch, I may not, but it's a choice. Just like these women have.
I'm so tired of everyone empowering women when they want and then playing the victim. Every woman has a choice. Maybe they should examine the women to see why they want to be in the videos. Don't boycott the rapper; Rappers are an enterprise, they do what works and if the ladies are lined up around the block to bend ova, they will swipe. If we had more women interested in geeks, maybe we would have more boys studying and swiping motherboards instead of wishing to be Mr. Next Bling Bling.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Going home
The whole way to the doctors' office I was ready to pass out. Literally, I tried reading a book but it was only making me nauseous. So I'm alone, sick, body feeling like an orange after it's been juiced and I get off the train and lucky me, there's a bus. I jump on and at some point realized.... I'm on the wrong bus. Geez
Finally get to the docs office and I'm ready to fall out on the table and take a nap. Just 5 minutes please mom.... An hour later I see the doc who in two minutes writes a prescription for antibiotics. "I love you" I want to say but "thank you" is all that comes out, until he tells me, "do you ever notice that your heart doesn't beat properly"..... ummm no, only when I'm sick do I notice it's irregular, but not really.
So it appears I have heart palpitations... or murmurs something that warrants me to come back for an ultrasound. "We need to have this looked at, it could be Meso----" (I dunno, some doctor speak). Grrrrreat.
Relaying the convo to my friend Lupe and she tells me "Did you tell the doc about your migraines?" No I reply, knowing full well that's info that would be useful but hey "it's on my chart". We all know I'm falling apart.
So I get in a cab to my mothers house cause she wants to go to Macy's and get a toaster oven for my apt. Since I got there before her, I figure, let me take a nap. A couple hours later, she wakes me up to take me home... MAN, I know I have my own apt but sleeping at her house was the best sleep I've gotten in days.
It felt so good to be home.
Finally get to the docs office and I'm ready to fall out on the table and take a nap. Just 5 minutes please mom.... An hour later I see the doc who in two minutes writes a prescription for antibiotics. "I love you" I want to say but "thank you" is all that comes out, until he tells me, "do you ever notice that your heart doesn't beat properly"..... ummm no, only when I'm sick do I notice it's irregular, but not really.
So it appears I have heart palpitations... or murmurs something that warrants me to come back for an ultrasound. "We need to have this looked at, it could be Meso----" (I dunno, some doctor speak). Grrrrreat.
Relaying the convo to my friend Lupe and she tells me "Did you tell the doc about your migraines?" No I reply, knowing full well that's info that would be useful but hey "it's on my chart". We all know I'm falling apart.
So I get in a cab to my mothers house cause she wants to go to Macy's and get a toaster oven for my apt. Since I got there before her, I figure, let me take a nap. A couple hours later, she wakes me up to take me home... MAN, I know I have my own apt but sleeping at her house was the best sleep I've gotten in days.
It felt so good to be home.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
When sickness falls
Oh gosh, it's hard to swallow, my ear hurts and my body feels extra sensitive.... I must be getting sick.
This sucks, I only have like 2 or 3 more sick days for the year left (whoever thought of combining sick and personal days into 5 days for the year was an ass), and I don't want to use them since winter is my nemesis and I always get sick starting in September.
the worst part is, feeling stupid cause you're extra slow at this time. Like me spraying my leg with lysol for a good 5 seconds before I realized it wasn't hitting the garbage can. oh joy... I think I can leave early without them recording my time. Besides, I'm the one that logs this info :)
This sucks, I only have like 2 or 3 more sick days for the year left (whoever thought of combining sick and personal days into 5 days for the year was an ass), and I don't want to use them since winter is my nemesis and I always get sick starting in September.
the worst part is, feeling stupid cause you're extra slow at this time. Like me spraying my leg with lysol for a good 5 seconds before I realized it wasn't hitting the garbage can. oh joy... I think I can leave early without them recording my time. Besides, I'm the one that logs this info :)
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Free yo mind
Isn't it freeing to let it out... Whatever problems you're having, whatever mini-dramas, whatever's ailing you to just let it out and tell someone what's going on?
It is if you're the one talking, not necessarily so if you're the one listening. Whatever the result, I had my mini discussion with Garette. He took it cool although by that time, my furor had built up and I was an emotional case. Everything became an issue. By the end I was fine, not so sure if he was though. In the end, I still ended up getting the milk and water which was promised to me a week ago.... patience, patience....
anyway, Weekend was quiet minus the bartending gig where Mr. McAss so happened to mis-manage his event. Typical. And why is it that people cannot seem to tip? Tipping is good, always good.
The Devil wears Prada was good IMO. The fashion throughout the movie was awesome and had me trying to figure out if I could pull off the same styles (of course I can). Meryl Streep was fantastic; I think she played the Bitch Boss, Miranda Priestly, to a 'T'. Miranda, the type of boss not many of us come across but we all know someone who works with them, is the CEO of Runway magazine. Everything in fashion goes through her and only is a hit if she says so. Knowing this, she hires a slump of an assistant Andrea (played by Anne Hathaway) who transforms herself from rugged, out of college, doe-eyed worker, to Sleek, stylish, always one step ahead, determined not to let Miranda win tigress.
I won't spoil the rest for you but I must say I can't stand the friends in this movie and the ending truly disappoints me as a semi-sometimes feminist. Poo.
It is if you're the one talking, not necessarily so if you're the one listening. Whatever the result, I had my mini discussion with Garette. He took it cool although by that time, my furor had built up and I was an emotional case. Everything became an issue. By the end I was fine, not so sure if he was though. In the end, I still ended up getting the milk and water which was promised to me a week ago.... patience, patience....
anyway, Weekend was quiet minus the bartending gig where Mr. McAss so happened to mis-manage his event. Typical. And why is it that people cannot seem to tip? Tipping is good, always good.
The Devil wears Prada was good IMO. The fashion throughout the movie was awesome and had me trying to figure out if I could pull off the same styles (of course I can). Meryl Streep was fantastic; I think she played the Bitch Boss, Miranda Priestly, to a 'T'. Miranda, the type of boss not many of us come across but we all know someone who works with them, is the CEO of Runway magazine. Everything in fashion goes through her and only is a hit if she says so. Knowing this, she hires a slump of an assistant Andrea (played by Anne Hathaway) who transforms herself from rugged, out of college, doe-eyed worker, to Sleek, stylish, always one step ahead, determined not to let Miranda win tigress.
I won't spoil the rest for you but I must say I can't stand the friends in this movie and the ending truly disappoints me as a semi-sometimes feminist. Poo.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Off with his head
Now, I'm kinda new to the relationship thing, not that Garette has been the first guy I've been with in my life, but in my adult life (whatever that is) this is my first real relationship after 4-5 years of singledom (geesh).
My point being, birthdays are still special occasions... and at my birthday I made sure to include him in my activities, at the very least inviting him, so what's the problem you ask? WHY am I not invited to his? He'd rather go out with his friends for the entire weekend sans yours truly.
I'm baffled, no I'm mad. Previous plans I had just to take him to a movie (he wants to see Pirates of the Caribbean and I don't) and dinner the day before (today) were scratched because now he has to go to a concert with his friends... Are you shitting me? So tonight, no G, tomorrow he'll sleep then I have a prior engagement and he'll go to his party so again, no G, then Sunday, who knows but I'm guessing, if his friends need something, no G.
This is ridiculous, is it too much to ask that your girlfriend wants to spend some time with you on your birthday? Am I thinking too hard that he doesn't want to spend time with me? Should I just accept the male bonding time they don't really need since they see each other every other day?
added to the fact that twice this week his promises to me weren't kept once his friends got involved and needed him for something. This brings about "the talk". I call and say "babe, we need to talk", to which he responds "not right now, I have too much in my head" to which I respond 'click'. I really don't want to have 'the talk' on his birthday so I'll hold my tongue but Sunday, all bets are off!
Darn relationships...
My point being, birthdays are still special occasions... and at my birthday I made sure to include him in my activities, at the very least inviting him, so what's the problem you ask? WHY am I not invited to his? He'd rather go out with his friends for the entire weekend sans yours truly.
I'm baffled, no I'm mad. Previous plans I had just to take him to a movie (he wants to see Pirates of the Caribbean and I don't) and dinner the day before (today) were scratched because now he has to go to a concert with his friends... Are you shitting me? So tonight, no G, tomorrow he'll sleep then I have a prior engagement and he'll go to his party so again, no G, then Sunday, who knows but I'm guessing, if his friends need something, no G.
This is ridiculous, is it too much to ask that your girlfriend wants to spend some time with you on your birthday? Am I thinking too hard that he doesn't want to spend time with me? Should I just accept the male bonding time they don't really need since they see each other every other day?
added to the fact that twice this week his promises to me weren't kept once his friends got involved and needed him for something. This brings about "the talk". I call and say "babe, we need to talk", to which he responds "not right now, I have too much in my head" to which I respond 'click'. I really don't want to have 'the talk' on his birthday so I'll hold my tongue but Sunday, all bets are off!
Darn relationships...
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Mother to Daughter
So as I grow into womanhood, whatever that is, I'm slowly figuring things out while calling mom for advice from which toilet paper is better to which shelf should the food items go in.
WTF?!? This is NOT the mother I knew that chased away potential boyfriends by looking at them sideways, no this was a woman in love with Garette and as she said "Do not let this one get away". Astonishment being my current look she goes on to say how accepted he is in the family... WHOA
I finally got my own place, with much ado from family members, but its something I had to do and mom being the coolest person in the world, understood. Garette being the kind, caring manly man he is, helped me out tremendously and of course now is always there. So what is to follow... The mother to daughter talk.... When I had my period, there was less talk involved...
Mom: You got your period, stay away from boys...and that was that. This talk was a little more involved.
Me: ???
Mom: How many times are you showering a day? What are you wearing to bed? Are you cooking for him? You need to wash this every 3 days, replace this every weeketc etc etc...
WTF?!? This is NOT the mother I knew that chased away potential boyfriends by looking at them sideways, no this was a woman in love with Garette and as she said "Do not let this one get away". Astonishment being my current look she goes on to say how accepted he is in the family... WHOA
Mom: So have you guys talked about marriage....Conversation over.
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