Love Dies

The more and more i get hurt from love the more I ask...what the hell is the point? Everything is temporary... Why love a person, thing, pet when they all die and leave and you're just left with pain?
My Nero is my sweetheart, my little man and now I have to put him to sleep. People tell me why get bent out of shape? B/c despite people, Nero loves me unconditionally. I never owed him an explanation for anything i did, or living my life, I was never the bad guy when I disciplined him and when i was in pain, he would jump on my bed and be my teddy bear. He was only a puppy and I couldn't protect him. So excuse me while i morn my sweetheart.

I went from hopeful, to tearyeyed to make the decision to put him to sleep, to relieved when they didn't, hopeful again and now i'm back to miserable since they will have to put him to sleep...again.

I only hope that he'll be with God and my dad in Heaven.
**I understand not everyone understands what it's like to be so close to a pet and lose them but please don't act like my feelings shouldn't be validated b/c God forbid YOU can't understand.

I can't leave him alone

This breakup just gets uglier and uglier to the point where I can't even recognize the people in the situation. So many others have come on board and gotten involved.....

Garette vs. me, my brother, my mother and now a very close friend shavonne. My big bro couldn't take watching me cry anymore and just held his mouth one last time. This time, i heard yelling in the backyard....He read Garette the riot act. He cursed him out the way my mom has been wanting to for months.

At first I tried to stop him, but I stopped myself. Garette needed to hear it but more importantly, I needed to hear it. It was nothing I didn't know for myself but when you love somebody.... it takes the world to crumble before you can give up on them. Although my world was crumbling... my family wanted to save me before it was unrecognizable anymore.

I know I've been too nice, but I don't know how to be anything else. I honestly don't want to be. I'm mean when i have to be, but with the people i love, i hate being mean to them, which is why i just get quiet.

The crazy, sick thing... after everything we've been through, and he's put me through..... I can't help but still love him.

what about your fam?

I thought what was messed up was when my cousins planned to travel and get together amongst themselves leaving me out of the picture. I thought it was even more messed up when one proceeded to tell me all about their plans and what fun they would have, all the cousins together... but it doesn't compare to calling and asking me about where I stayed the last time I was there and if I had any suggestions for them....

and still, not once did anyone say "would you like to come?" although at this point it might result in a click of the phone or a slap to the face. Either way, it would be as much as they're giving me right now.

a funny thing happened after a phone call

So I was watching One Tree Hill yesterday on the CW11 and the episode was about how an hour with someone can change your life. Before I go on....yes, I’m cheesy and I watch OTH, get over it. Now, in their hour they spent it with a classmate to whom they were assigned and they had a list of things to do/cover within that time. It was all about getting to know you.

After it, they learned something about the other person, something profound that changed the way they view them, themselves and treat each other. In essence, their attitudes changed. Now normally I would say, yea right, whatever....but previous to that I had a phone call.

This phone call was about getting into school for my Masters which has been difficult for the past two years. Monday I was floored, literally crying on the bathroom floor (not lying on the floor circa Lizzie from Grey's Anatomy after Denny died but more so crouching) at work because yet again, I will not be accepted for the 2007 program for the school of my choice simply because I was 3 days after the deadline date. More hope lost, cry, cry, cry, now research other schools.

I came upon a university for psychology and counseling with a campus in Atlanta. Scheduled a phone call with an Assistant Director of Admissions and Wednesday I had my call. It was a lovely conversation, wonderful phone banter back and forth and then he says "I will recommend you for the counseling program"....waaatt? I didn't even know this was a formal interview, but it was.

So now with hope back in my heart and a drive to move outta here, I come to work to AGAIN be presented with bullshit which can result in it being "Julia’s fault" (an unfounded phrase which seems to come up a lot more lately). Sick and Tired, and basically not giving a shit cause I’m leaving these assholes to their own madness within a couple of months (I can feel it), I spoke up!

****edited out****.

Funny she brought up, with tenacity, a situation only to realize it was HER booboo.
I'm loving it! All because of a phone call

Mazed and Dazed

My grandfather was a police officer in Barbados many moons ago. with that, I've always respected cops because not to would be like to disrespect granddad and that ain't happening. but after last week... FUCK the cops (or at least the NYPD).

The whole system is designed to not keep you down as black people have said for years, but WEAR you down until you give up thus giving them more power. To have you run in circles like a mouse in a maze; the bureaucratic red tape and the idiocy of city workers are at an all time high. No wonder the kids produced today are dumb asses and everyone looks for a "city job", there's no work involved.

They can arrest you and take you to one precinct only to take your stuff to another then 'forget' to give you the information necessary to retrieve it after their 'mistake'. then have you run around the city to three different offices. Office A closes at 4pm and they tell you to come back at 2pm, let you wait around until 3 give you what you need for Office B that closed at 2:30. Try again tomorrow. then Office B opens at 9 but sorry, you didn't make an appt so you'll have to wait.... how can i make an appt when no one wants to give me the number to the office?

wait...keep waiting.... go crazy and then.... "How can we be of assistance today?".... "oh i'm sorry, but you need slip XYZ-40-3978 then make an appt and come back".

GOD I can't wait to move. I'm really starting to HATE New York and this bullshit

shut ur trap

OK, let me clear the air cause this became a pet peeve very recently. Do not under any circumstances, critique my food while I'm eating, interrupt me while I'm eating, or have anything to say about what I'm eating before i get to eat or afterwards. In a nutshell, shut your trap and mind your own business.

This is what you misunderstand. When i say my clothes don't fit, i mean, my clothes no longer fit me. I'm not fat, I'm happy with my body. i could be a bit more toned but in essence I'm sexy as hell, make no mistake about it and that comes NATURALLY. the only reason i complain, is b/c bills have to be paid, thus i can't buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my figure.

as ladies, we all go through those times when our bodies naturally take on more water and bloat and we feel like shit, so i may complain then too but really, i didn't ask your opinion, nor do i care for it. the fact that ppl see a bag that says McDonald's, you really think that i must have the entire menu inside of it, or maybe it's a salad, or maybe it's ice cream, or even 1 cheeseburger and an apple pie. maybe the fact that that's all i eat for the rest of the night plays into the reason I'm not 200 lbs.

not that i need to give anyone an explanation but during a 5 day work week i allow myself 1 lunchtime of bad food and it's usually followed up at home by 8 pieces of cheese and crackers for dinner or vegetables. the rest of the week i have lunch from home followed by a sandwich for dinner.

so, whether it was a joke or not, it was uncalled for and rude.