You know people say I could be very mean at times... I say you must've deserved it. Like when I respond to this question.."I haven't heard from you in a while, did you forget about me??"
What is this? Are you trying to make me feel guilty because I outgrew that a long time ago... Instead you must want to get your feelings hurt cause my answer is ' Yes, I forgot about you. You are clearly a forgettable person and I indeed forgot about you.' and here's the clincher... You OBVIOUSLY forgot about me or at least didn't remember me enough to call, text or email so why are you complaining? It's not as if I heard your voice over my phone in the last couple of months so forgettable you needs to keep on forgetting about me and go on with the life you had 10 minutes ago. Ugh!
But as mean as that seems, my heart bleeds room temperature.
I talk a good game, but it's not easy for me to let go. It never has been. Growing up with a father who traveled quite often and ended up dying halfway across the world, away from the ppl he loved the most, has made it damn near impossible for me to just let someone walk out of my life. It tore me to pieces when my brother moved to Georgia although I know it was something he had to do. Garette can attest to how much I cried moving into my own apt cause instead of being the one who was left, I ended up leaving my mother, and in some ways feeling as though I was abandoning her.
So no, even when someone royally fucks up, even in the midst of my anger which can be detrimental to any friendship, I usually leave a space for them to come back. To me, in life the only finality is death. Nothing is ever over, friendships are never just lost cause life is just too short and this world is too small to simply forget.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Whip it out!
I haven't written much lately but that's mostly due to blogger fucking up, not that I don't have much to say... In particular, to this article...
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14065706/from/ET/
In essence, women are disgusted by the sight of another woman breastfeeding a baby because you may see a tit. The thought that a woman breastfeeding her baby could disgust another woman blows my mind. Breastfeeding is natural, more natural than the stick that's currently embedded in your ass. Animals do it almost seconds after their young'uns are born and we are disgusted by another human being?
another ignorant comment was simply "it's gross" or "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Well, I don't accidentally want to see a misshapen fat ass with a crop shirt but I see it all the time. What do I do afterwards? I get over it. The problem with Americans is that instead of learning about something, educating their young on a topic and accepting it, they rather run and hide. It's the reason why discrimiation and hate seems to occur more in the US than any other country. It's why we had lynching, slavery, reservations... Because what Americans don't understand, they try to kill, beat, assimilate until it looks like some form of themselves.
I bet these mothers who don't want their sons seeing a tit have no problem letting them watch MTV, BET and whatever shows that are playing on their personal Television sets or are streaming through their computers and Ipods. But Breastfeeding is a NO NO
This kills me and as my friend Loi illustrates: "I cant believe that women think this way...just goes to show you what brainwashing does. Breastfeeding has so many benefits some of which They are still discovering and yet people are like ill gross yuck how rude. But show them a pic of a women scantly clad on the front cover and there like ...hmm I wished I looked like her."
To these women I make a promise. When my child is a newbie and it's time to feed, I will leave the bottle in the bag and whip out a tit right next to you in starbucks... And if you dare tell me to go into the bathroom (I don't use public bathrooms why would I feed my kid in one?) you might get special milk in your coffee!
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14065706/from/ET/
In essence, women are disgusted by the sight of another woman breastfeeding a baby because you may see a tit. The thought that a woman breastfeeding her baby could disgust another woman blows my mind. Breastfeeding is natural, more natural than the stick that's currently embedded in your ass. Animals do it almost seconds after their young'uns are born and we are disgusted by another human being?
another ignorant comment was simply "it's gross" or "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Well, I don't accidentally want to see a misshapen fat ass with a crop shirt but I see it all the time. What do I do afterwards? I get over it. The problem with Americans is that instead of learning about something, educating their young on a topic and accepting it, they rather run and hide. It's the reason why discrimiation and hate seems to occur more in the US than any other country. It's why we had lynching, slavery, reservations... Because what Americans don't understand, they try to kill, beat, assimilate until it looks like some form of themselves.
I bet these mothers who don't want their sons seeing a tit have no problem letting them watch MTV, BET and whatever shows that are playing on their personal Television sets or are streaming through their computers and Ipods. But Breastfeeding is a NO NO
This kills me and as my friend Loi illustrates: "I cant believe that women think this way...just goes to show you what brainwashing does. Breastfeeding has so many benefits some of which They are still discovering and yet people are like ill gross yuck how rude. But show them a pic of a women scantly clad on the front cover and there like ...hmm I wished I looked like her."
To these women I make a promise. When my child is a newbie and it's time to feed, I will leave the bottle in the bag and whip out a tit right next to you in starbucks... And if you dare tell me to go into the bathroom (I don't use public bathrooms why would I feed my kid in one?) you might get special milk in your coffee!
Beach BBQ
ok, Below is a list of items to choose from for the bbq. please make a decision as to what you want to bring. If there is something you want to add to the list please let me know so i can add it.
The BBQ will start about 1 in the afternoon this Saturday.
BACKUP PLAN: Club Monaco
1.Hot Dogs & Buns melanie
2.Hamburger patties & Buns & Sliced Cheese - caryn
3.Corn on the cob myrnieka
4.Mac-n-cheese
5.BBQ Chicken myrneika
6.ColeSlaw Julia
7.CHips jennie
8.Plates, Utensils, Napkins & Cups - caryn
9.ICE
10.Condiments melanie
11.Sodas/Juices
12.Beer
13.Charcol & Lighting Fluid julia
14.Fruit Salad & Dessert Boris and darnell
15.Matches (long BBQ matches)
16. Boombox with Batteries
17. Baked Beans julia
remember to bring chairs/blankets/umbrellas for the BBQ.
The BBQ will start about 1 in the afternoon this Saturday.
BACKUP PLAN: Club Monaco
1.Hot Dogs & Buns melanie
2.Hamburger patties & Buns & Sliced Cheese - caryn
3.Corn on the cob myrnieka
4.Mac-n-cheese
5.BBQ Chicken myrneika
6.ColeSlaw Julia
7.CHips jennie
8.Plates, Utensils, Napkins & Cups - caryn
9.ICE
10.Condiments melanie
11.Sodas/Juices
12.Beer
13.Charcol & Lighting Fluid julia
14.Fruit Salad & Dessert Boris and darnell
15.Matches (long BBQ matches)
16. Boombox with Batteries
17. Baked Beans julia
remember to bring chairs/blankets/umbrellas for the BBQ.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Runaway
As my boss asks me if I'm ok, the tears start to well up in my eyes again and all I could do is nod with a smile that fails to mask sadness.
"it's just that you look so sad when you're usually smiling" he says with an encouraging smile. "or should I just mind my business?" To this I laugh and say "it's ok, thank you though" and go back to hiding my face behind mindless work.
it's just one of those days where you start off singing in the shower and end up in a tug o war with the ppl u love best. Part of me just wants to start crying so my boss will send my emotional ass home but the other part wants to rage, scream, punch, draw blood from someone other than myself.
then there's the third part, the dominant part that just wants everyone to fuck off, who just wants to keep to herself and her books since her books never lied to her, never questioned her intentions, never tried to argue or read into her words they just spoke to her and told her a story. They calmed her down and took her to another place, they got her excited, bored, intrigued, horny and yearning to be the main character.
Her books allowed her to have an imagination, caused her to dream in technicolor, and above all let her do something she could never seem to accomplish in reality.... runaway.
"it's just that you look so sad when you're usually smiling" he says with an encouraging smile. "or should I just mind my business?" To this I laugh and say "it's ok, thank you though" and go back to hiding my face behind mindless work.
it's just one of those days where you start off singing in the shower and end up in a tug o war with the ppl u love best. Part of me just wants to start crying so my boss will send my emotional ass home but the other part wants to rage, scream, punch, draw blood from someone other than myself.
then there's the third part, the dominant part that just wants everyone to fuck off, who just wants to keep to herself and her books since her books never lied to her, never questioned her intentions, never tried to argue or read into her words they just spoke to her and told her a story. They calmed her down and took her to another place, they got her excited, bored, intrigued, horny and yearning to be the main character.
Her books allowed her to have an imagination, caused her to dream in technicolor, and above all let her do something she could never seem to accomplish in reality.... runaway.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Here is something I don't understand...
Here is something I don't understand...
I have been there for folks alright, I mean at their worst I am there. I have listened to rants and raves, bad talk, advice, criticisms, bickering, uncertainy, anxiousness, etc. Whatever you name it. Whether I'm at work, at home, healthy, sick, tired, frustrated, on the toilet I let ppl talk, be them.
But it seems when ppl didn't have the time for me I took it quietly, I don't say much, you wanna snap at me, pick, take out whatever aggression towards the world in my direction fine, bring it cause i'ma big girl and can handle what u got to give, the only thing I can't handle is my own anger, so go on, do you.
but how dare you, how fucking dare you try to catch an attitude, come out the side of your face because I HAVE MY OWN LIFE. Stop trying to pick a fight with me, I already let ppl know, you don't want me to get vexed. I can handle mad, I can bite my tongue at that, but vexed... I will not hold back. I'm so sick and tired of my words being misconstrued, and ppl telling me what I really meant. You want clarification, you wanna know what I meant, ask or give me a chance to get my statements out before you jump on me with the attitudes and shit, I ain't got time for it no matter how long we been cool.
I have been there for folks alright, I mean at their worst I am there. I have listened to rants and raves, bad talk, advice, criticisms, bickering, uncertainy, anxiousness, etc. Whatever you name it. Whether I'm at work, at home, healthy, sick, tired, frustrated, on the toilet I let ppl talk, be them.
But it seems when ppl didn't have the time for me I took it quietly, I don't say much, you wanna snap at me, pick, take out whatever aggression towards the world in my direction fine, bring it cause i'ma big girl and can handle what u got to give, the only thing I can't handle is my own anger, so go on, do you.
but how dare you, how fucking dare you try to catch an attitude, come out the side of your face because I HAVE MY OWN LIFE. Stop trying to pick a fight with me, I already let ppl know, you don't want me to get vexed. I can handle mad, I can bite my tongue at that, but vexed... I will not hold back. I'm so sick and tired of my words being misconstrued, and ppl telling me what I really meant. You want clarification, you wanna know what I meant, ask or give me a chance to get my statements out before you jump on me with the attitudes and shit, I ain't got time for it no matter how long we been cool.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Coney
So I went to Coney island over the weekend, something I haven't done in a while. Before last year I don't think I've been since I was a child and after this weekend, I don't know why.
it is totally fun. They don't have many rides that last longer than 2 minutes but when you're there with your friends you have an absolute blast. Who knows, maybe its the company but it all took me back to when I was 13 with my family, riding on my dad's shoulders while mommi bought popcorn for me and my brother Russell. Driving past the outside of Astroland Park in the Mark VII knowing you'll be there in a matter of moments, staring in anticipation at the lights, noise and visions of cotton candy running through my head.
Yes, I've spoken a lot of garbage about Coney over the years, but I just didn't understand. I didn't appreciate its beauty, its boardwalk. How full the moon looks at night and how time can just pass you by in a place so freeing.
it is totally fun. They don't have many rides that last longer than 2 minutes but when you're there with your friends you have an absolute blast. Who knows, maybe its the company but it all took me back to when I was 13 with my family, riding on my dad's shoulders while mommi bought popcorn for me and my brother Russell. Driving past the outside of Astroland Park in the Mark VII knowing you'll be there in a matter of moments, staring in anticipation at the lights, noise and visions of cotton candy running through my head.
Yes, I've spoken a lot of garbage about Coney over the years, but I just didn't understand. I didn't appreciate its beauty, its boardwalk. How full the moon looks at night and how time can just pass you by in a place so freeing.
Friday, August 11, 2006
memories come forward
So you're walking along on your merry way to wherever when your eyes lock with a passerby. Suddenly you're taken back. You couldn't remember his face before but suddenly you are two, three, four years prior holding hands with him. You can see his clothes and the way they hug his body around the chest and then fall free, you can smell his cologne, even though he's across the street it smells as if you're locked in an embrace. You can feel his hands at the small of your back as you look up to him before a kiss, and when your lips touch you suddenly feel a tingle run down your spin as if it's your first.
You stand there cemented to the curb as faceless people whiz by on their way from A to B. You stand there and clutch the bag on your shoulder as your mouth opens agape at the vision before you unites past to present and all you can say is....
Hi.
You stand there cemented to the curb as faceless people whiz by on their way from A to B. You stand there and clutch the bag on your shoulder as your mouth opens agape at the vision before you unites past to present and all you can say is....
Hi.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Chipper!
Everyday about the same time I get a phone call. My co-workers girlfriend calls for him.
I know exactly who it is by her voice. She's super nice all the time and always enunciates the same words. Her voice goes up at Hi and John and its to the point where I want to cringe. Similar to when I hear that alarm beeping sound, I start to tick.... Even when I'm in a good mood, or answer the phones laughing, the sound of her voice changes my tone severely!
what is it about her? She's too damn nice. She's like Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart and misses Smurf all rolled into one. ANNOYING
and one day she comes into the office, needless to say they make a very WASP couple. Think Charlotte York with Miranda's early man-suits. ewwww
I just want to step on her foot and see if she can get mad....
Sarah: HI, may I speak to John please?
I know exactly who it is by her voice. She's super nice all the time and always enunciates the same words. Her voice goes up at Hi and John and its to the point where I want to cringe. Similar to when I hear that alarm beeping sound, I start to tick.... Even when I'm in a good mood, or answer the phones laughing, the sound of her voice changes my tone severely!
what is it about her? She's too damn nice. She's like Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart and misses Smurf all rolled into one. ANNOYING
and one day she comes into the office, needless to say they make a very WASP couple. Think Charlotte York with Miranda's early man-suits. ewwww
I just want to step on her foot and see if she can get mad....
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Little things
This is so cute
Usually I call Gartette in the morning for some reason or another or just to say hi. If I don't call I can expect to get a call by 11:40 am.
and he's consistent too, if I forget to call he will call me to say hello.
so cute...
Usually I call Gartette in the morning for some reason or another or just to say hi. If I don't call I can expect to get a call by 11:40 am.
and he's consistent too, if I forget to call he will call me to say hello.
so cute...
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I miss you LL
Darn it. I wanted to see LL Cool J yesterday and it was packed to capacity. A park was packed to capacity. Can you believe it?
I can only imagine the rippling biceps, bulging triceps and flexed ab muscles glistening in the evening sun as he compelled me to "hush baby, everything will be ok, if we do it my way, my way, my way".... ohhhh we can have it your way baby.
I miss you LL :(
I can only imagine the rippling biceps, bulging triceps and flexed ab muscles glistening in the evening sun as he compelled me to "hush baby, everything will be ok, if we do it my way, my way, my way".... ohhhh we can have it your way baby.
I miss you LL :(
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I wish for you
Why don't people stay together?
there's been a rash of breakups and let downs all around so I have some wishes. These are real wishes that I've only written down and never spoke aloud to anyone.
Lupe and Black
Figure it out... yes, no, friends? Damn, but be up front with it, no more hints, clues or whispers. If there is something you want, you truly want, speak up and stop playing chicken with each other if it frustrates you so much.
Loi and D'Anthony...
work it out, but know, this route will not be an easy one. As a friend, I will not sugarcoat my responses to you. I think you are both in for a lot more heartache than you expect.
Denise...
Take this opportunity and be single. Leave men alone for now but don't let an ass kill your spirit. What he did deserves payback of the 'Set it Off' kind but heal before moving on.
Chia
play on...But remember, just cause he's hot, doesn't mean you need him around in any capacity.
Russell
Settle down already!
Valerie
You've got your family behind you. No man is worth ur pride. I've known you too long and I know you know what's really going on. I love you, I love all of you, but that right there you know I've been through, time to nip that in the bud.
as for Myself and Garette
realize you both are no longer two but one. Your plans for the future begin now and if you're going to make it, compromise is key but you both have to be bringing something to the table.
great... I sound like a fortune cookie.
there's been a rash of breakups and let downs all around so I have some wishes. These are real wishes that I've only written down and never spoke aloud to anyone.
Lupe and Black
Figure it out... yes, no, friends? Damn, but be up front with it, no more hints, clues or whispers. If there is something you want, you truly want, speak up and stop playing chicken with each other if it frustrates you so much.
Loi and D'Anthony...
work it out, but know, this route will not be an easy one. As a friend, I will not sugarcoat my responses to you. I think you are both in for a lot more heartache than you expect.
Denise...
Take this opportunity and be single. Leave men alone for now but don't let an ass kill your spirit. What he did deserves payback of the 'Set it Off' kind but heal before moving on.
Chia
play on...But remember, just cause he's hot, doesn't mean you need him around in any capacity.
Russell
Settle down already!
Valerie
You've got your family behind you. No man is worth ur pride. I've known you too long and I know you know what's really going on. I love you, I love all of you, but that right there you know I've been through, time to nip that in the bud.
as for Myself and Garette
realize you both are no longer two but one. Your plans for the future begin now and if you're going to make it, compromise is key but you both have to be bringing something to the table.
great... I sound like a fortune cookie.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Human Cadaver
So apparently I'm more messed up than I realized...
After the whole palpitations thing, I was told to call 2 weeks later for my blood results. I asked for an HIV test and the doc figured "well, I might as well run everything else too". So after two pricks he drew 3 vials of blood.
So I call now, awaiting my test results. Although I'm anticipating a negative, which I'm sure many of those who are now positive were doing the same thing, I'm still a bit nervous calling and waiting for her to recover my file. She runs through the other stuff, Cholesterol is too high...247 damn.. I'm only 26 how is it that high, it wasn't that high last year (although I did eat cause I wasn't expecting to draw blood). LDL is either 91 or 191 can't remember which... "and oh yea, your iron is extremely low, did you know you're anemic?"
come again?
"Yes, we're gonna have to put you on iron pills for a month so you can get that up and re-test you after that and you should fast then so that we can get an accurate reading of your cholesterol."
So I'm having heart palpitations, breathing problems, and now anemia?
WOW, my kid is screwed
After the whole palpitations thing, I was told to call 2 weeks later for my blood results. I asked for an HIV test and the doc figured "well, I might as well run everything else too". So after two pricks he drew 3 vials of blood.
So I call now, awaiting my test results. Although I'm anticipating a negative, which I'm sure many of those who are now positive were doing the same thing, I'm still a bit nervous calling and waiting for her to recover my file. She runs through the other stuff, Cholesterol is too high...247 damn.. I'm only 26 how is it that high, it wasn't that high last year (although I did eat cause I wasn't expecting to draw blood). LDL is either 91 or 191 can't remember which... "and oh yea, your iron is extremely low, did you know you're anemic?"
come again?
"Yes, we're gonna have to put you on iron pills for a month so you can get that up and re-test you after that and you should fast then so that we can get an accurate reading of your cholesterol."
So I'm having heart palpitations, breathing problems, and now anemia?
WOW, my kid is screwed
Miami Vice
Miami Vice was awesome. At least I thought so, it's so refreshing to go back to shoot em up, bang bang, not too much thought type movies.... how I've missed it. Now if my honey can just develop the arms Jamie Foxx was struting around in that movie...ohhhhhhh
Friday, July 28, 2006
R U Blind?
Just a vent...
Why is it that men can't see something right in front of their faces...
my friend D'Anthony was supposed to buy tix in advance for me, him and my friend Loi to see MIAMI VICE....
Why is it that men can't see something right in front of their faces...
my friend D'Anthony was supposed to buy tix in advance for me, him and my friend Loi to see MIAMI VICE....
men....
Me: Go to fandango.com to buy the tix.
D'A: they don't have the tickets at moviephone.com
Me: go to fandango.com to buy the tix for the 6:15 show
D'A: you can't buy tix online at fandango
Me: I'm on fandago right now, the 6:15 is open
D'A: I don't see it, the theater doesn't have a 'buy' button
Me: it says 'click the movie time to purchase tickets'
Me: are you there?
Me: where'd u go?
Me: ur stupid and i'm writing u up in my blog
D'A: ohhh, you have to click on the time to purchase tickets
Me: BRB i have to write something.
Fashion connection
I'm slowly but surely building my empire... you see one day I will rule the world, I'll be bigger than Donald trump and my hair will look much better.
In 2003 I undertook an enormous task of producing, organizing and choreographed a fashion show. Why? I just wanted to. But my goodness, the headache that followed was a memorable one, but I can't remember a time I was more focused and quick on my feet. So I decided to undertake another show.
Inflation is kicking my ass as everything EVERYTHING has gone up. Where I paid $750 for the space last time, now I'll have to pay out my ass for rental of the space, not to mention the cost of liquor. Possibly security depending on the place, bartenders ice etc.... geez
but I'm still excited and the best part, I have a bf who has the hookup in just about every aspect of the show. Let's work those connections ppl.
In 2003 I undertook an enormous task of producing, organizing and choreographed a fashion show. Why? I just wanted to. But my goodness, the headache that followed was a memorable one, but I can't remember a time I was more focused and quick on my feet. So I decided to undertake another show.
Inflation is kicking my ass as everything EVERYTHING has gone up. Where I paid $750 for the space last time, now I'll have to pay out my ass for rental of the space, not to mention the cost of liquor. Possibly security depending on the place, bartenders ice etc.... geez
but I'm still excited and the best part, I have a bf who has the hookup in just about every aspect of the show. Let's work those connections ppl.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Realization of No More
It's a funny thing that happens in between arguments, the calmness that rolls in like the fog over San Francisco Bay. Being an emotional creature myself, this time is usually filled with me recounting everything he ever did wrong, doubting whether this will last, questioning whether I could put up with this behavior 'til death do us part' and finally, realizing it was just stupid socks on the bed and he's really a good man.... but I'm still not speaking to him
Since he's less emotional, what goes on in his head is usually about 1. food, 2. music, or 3. wondering what his friends are doing and how fast he can catch up to them.
Saturday, none of that happened... After he left the house, I fell asleep and awoke, startled to him kissing me good night before getting into bed. Leaning on the bed, he could feel my heart beating way too fast and then came the questions.... "What's wrong, what happened, why is your heart beating like crazy, sorry if I scared you, lay down, breathe, calm down".
Then when I woke up with the same irregular heartbeat, and Garette checking my pulse. What's going on that has you agitated? So I tell him about my appt to take an ultrasound of my heart since the doc heard palpitations.
What does it mean? Are you sick? How bad is it/could it be?
here comes reality, that 'til death do us part' can happen before we speak those words and that only means one thing.... He's gonna be extra sweet today!
Since he's less emotional, what goes on in his head is usually about 1. food, 2. music, or 3. wondering what his friends are doing and how fast he can catch up to them.
Saturday, none of that happened... After he left the house, I fell asleep and awoke, startled to him kissing me good night before getting into bed. Leaning on the bed, he could feel my heart beating way too fast and then came the questions.... "What's wrong, what happened, why is your heart beating like crazy, sorry if I scared you, lay down, breathe, calm down".
Then when I woke up with the same irregular heartbeat, and Garette checking my pulse. What's going on that has you agitated? So I tell him about my appt to take an ultrasound of my heart since the doc heard palpitations.
What does it mean? Are you sick? How bad is it/could it be?
here comes reality, that 'til death do us part' can happen before we speak those words and that only means one thing.... He's gonna be extra sweet today!
Friday, July 21, 2006
Honey I'm home?
For the first time in a while, Garette came home at a reasonable time. Not after 3:30 am but get this, before 11:30pm. Dude, I know, how exciting and then he turned his phone off and spent the rest of the night with me watching Bridget Jones' Diary II. Then we fell asleep.
Nice right, I know.
I didn't expect him to be home so early but hearing the key in the lock, brought a smile to my face I'm certain he would never know but I definitely appreciate.
Nice right, I know.
I didn't expect him to be home so early but hearing the key in the lock, brought a smile to my face I'm certain he would never know but I definitely appreciate.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Transfer
It seems ever since I left my first job after college, nothing has felt permanent. The job after that landed me in the unemployment line after layoffs, and now this job, although very nice, still doesn't feel permanent. I feel like a fill-in, like I'm here for the moment...
I'm having the same problem when it comes to school. Just when I felt like Guidance counseling was what I wanted to do, rejections from my choice schools has me following their advice and am looking into other options. Still in the education field. I want my summers off dammit! But I figure I can get my teachers certification first, teach elementary school since I can't stand the older kids mouths, then go back and study for my MSed in Counseling. I'm looking at years in text books. Almost sickening.
but now I can get my MSed in Childhood Education, certify in NY then transfer to GA. geez! more transferring, more traveling. another move....
Now, if I can just get a school to accept my ass, I'll be on my way!
I'm having the same problem when it comes to school. Just when I felt like Guidance counseling was what I wanted to do, rejections from my choice schools has me following their advice and am looking into other options. Still in the education field. I want my summers off dammit! But I figure I can get my teachers certification first, teach elementary school since I can't stand the older kids mouths, then go back and study for my MSed in Counseling. I'm looking at years in text books. Almost sickening.
but now I can get my MSed in Childhood Education, certify in NY then transfer to GA. geez! more transferring, more traveling. another move....
Now, if I can just get a school to accept my ass, I'll be on my way!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Love: Fantasy or Reality?
A lifetime of love
A lifetime of sorrows
A lifetime of happiness
waking up to you tomorrow
A season of wonder
a minute of fear
but I won't last a lifetime
unless I have you here.
My life has been filled with ideas of love. I had fairy tale love. Since I grew up in a house where both parents were actively pursuing their bachelors and masters degrees, my brother and I were required to read. We read a lot. My books were not only intellectual, I would read my mothers novels, which were filled with passage like "he swept her off her feet and carried her from the alter, to his waiting car." Pure fantasy which made my mind often wander, and during these times I would create a boyfriend/husband, perfect in every way, endearing to no end and thoughtful of the little things.... What a man...
Then I had reality, the love shared between my parents which wasn't always the best, but I have my memories of very good times. The love shared between my grandparents, which after 63 years of marriage, still goes strong and other examples spread throughout my family and families of my friends. I've experienced love, both the heartache, rough and tumble sort of love and then true love. One man showed me what was probably the purest love I could have experienced. All truth, all understanding, open and for once, I felt worthy of it all. But that ended and for a while I had only the love of my friends and my novels to keep me warm. And then I met Garette, and now I have a different love, a mature love, a future love
The difference is... Real love, the type you experience on earth with another human being who you did not produce is awesome. The trick (and I am in no way an expert, just a connoisseur) is not to think too much. Love is not to be analyzed but experienced. It is not to be broken down but should fill you up. Love should never be hidden cause it's light radiates to the rest of the world. It is compromising, it is compassionate, supportive, patient, funny, angry, bending and unyielding. Love is fragile, but so strong. It is all things, but only if you let it be.
So is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all? I say yes. It don't feel good coming off of that cloud but the memories have always kept me from developing a cold heart. And whenever I'm in doubt, I look to the Bible
A lifetime of sorrows
A lifetime of happiness
waking up to you tomorrow
A season of wonder
a minute of fear
but I won't last a lifetime
unless I have you here.
My life has been filled with ideas of love. I had fairy tale love. Since I grew up in a house where both parents were actively pursuing their bachelors and masters degrees, my brother and I were required to read. We read a lot. My books were not only intellectual, I would read my mothers novels, which were filled with passage like "he swept her off her feet and carried her from the alter, to his waiting car." Pure fantasy which made my mind often wander, and during these times I would create a boyfriend/husband, perfect in every way, endearing to no end and thoughtful of the little things.... What a man...
Then I had reality, the love shared between my parents which wasn't always the best, but I have my memories of very good times. The love shared between my grandparents, which after 63 years of marriage, still goes strong and other examples spread throughout my family and families of my friends. I've experienced love, both the heartache, rough and tumble sort of love and then true love. One man showed me what was probably the purest love I could have experienced. All truth, all understanding, open and for once, I felt worthy of it all. But that ended and for a while I had only the love of my friends and my novels to keep me warm. And then I met Garette, and now I have a different love, a mature love, a future love
The difference is... Real love, the type you experience on earth with another human being who you did not produce is awesome. The trick (and I am in no way an expert, just a connoisseur) is not to think too much. Love is not to be analyzed but experienced. It is not to be broken down but should fill you up. Love should never be hidden cause it's light radiates to the rest of the world. It is compromising, it is compassionate, supportive, patient, funny, angry, bending and unyielding. Love is fragile, but so strong. It is all things, but only if you let it be.
So is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all? I say yes. It don't feel good coming off of that cloud but the memories have always kept me from developing a cold heart. And whenever I'm in doubt, I look to the Bible
Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way: it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. And now faith, hope, and love abide, and the greatest of these is love.
-I Corinthians 13
Friday, July 14, 2006
BET Uncut
"BET Uncut," a music video program from Black Entertainment Television, has been canceled after a six year run on the entertainment television network.Infamous for scantily-clad women and sexual themes, "BET Uncut" featured videos from well-known Hip-Hop and R&B artists that were intended for mature audiences only.
hmmmm, not sure how I feel about this. The article goes on to say how 'outraged' African-American women's groups were by the material in these videos and how they degrade women.... Do they?
It's kind of like when Waiting to Exhale came out and men said we were beating them up in the movie, but the reality is, if it doesn't apply to you why are you mad? The fact remains that it applied to some men and not others.
It's the same theory I see in BET Uncut. Some women would do anything (a.k.a Superhead) to get into videos, bend over and let a man swipe a credit card through your ass, and some women wouldn't. Can I be mad at the video directors, rappers, casting agents etc that exploited these women NO, because most of these women are 18 or older, and from what I can see 23 and over and can think and judge for themselves.
I see nothing wrong with it being on TV especially if it comes on at like 3/4 am when I'm fast asleep. Beyond that, if I don't like it, I don't watch it. Just like porn. I don't watch porn, I don't have the channels, if I did, I may watch, I may not, but it's a choice. Just like these women have.
I'm so tired of everyone empowering women when they want and then playing the victim. Every woman has a choice. Maybe they should examine the women to see why they want to be in the videos. Don't boycott the rapper; Rappers are an enterprise, they do what works and if the ladies are lined up around the block to bend ova, they will swipe. If we had more women interested in geeks, maybe we would have more boys studying and swiping motherboards instead of wishing to be Mr. Next Bling Bling.
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