Forget You

You know people say I could be very mean at times... I say you must've deserved it. Like when I respond to this question.."I haven't heard from you in a while, did you forget about me??"

What is this? Are you trying to make me feel guilty because I outgrew that a long time ago... Instead you must want to get your feelings hurt cause my answer is ' Yes, I forgot about you. You are clearly a forgettable person and I indeed forgot about you.' and here's the clincher... You OBVIOUSLY forgot about me or at least didn't remember me enough to call, text or email so why are you complaining? It's not as if I heard your voice over my phone in the last couple of months so forgettable you needs to keep on forgetting about me and go on with the life you had 10 minutes ago. Ugh!

But as mean as that seems, my heart bleeds room temperature.

I talk a good game, but it's not easy for me to let go. It never has been. Growing up with a father who traveled quite often and ended up dying halfway across the world, away from the ppl he loved the most, has made it damn near impossible for me to just let someone walk out of my life. It tore me to pieces when my brother moved to Georgia although I know it was something he had to do. Garette can attest to how much I cried moving into my own apt cause instead of being the one who was left, I ended up leaving my mother, and in some ways feeling as though I was abandoning her.

So no, even when someone royally fucks up, even in the midst of my anger which can be detrimental to any friendship, I usually leave a space for them to come back. To me, in life the only finality is death. Nothing is ever over, friendships are never just lost cause life is just too short and this world is too small to simply forget.

Whip it out!

I haven't written much lately but that's mostly due to blogger fucking up, not that I don't have much to say... In particular, to this article...

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14065706/from/ET/

In essence, women are disgusted by the sight of another woman breastfeeding a baby because you may see a tit. The thought that a woman breastfeeding her baby could disgust another woman blows my mind. Breastfeeding is natural, more natural than the stick that's currently embedded in your ass. Animals do it almost seconds after their young'uns are born and we are disgusted by another human being?

another ignorant comment was simply "it's gross" or "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Well, I don't accidentally want to see a misshapen fat ass with a crop shirt but I see it all the time. What do I do afterwards? I get over it. The problem with Americans is that instead of learning about something, educating their young on a topic and accepting it, they rather run and hide. It's the reason why discrimiation and hate seems to occur more in the US than any other country. It's why we had lynching, slavery, reservations... Because what Americans don't understand, they try to kill, beat, assimilate until it looks like some form of themselves.

I bet these mothers who don't want their sons seeing a tit have no problem letting them watch MTV, BET and whatever shows that are playing on their personal Television sets or are streaming through their computers and Ipods. But Breastfeeding is a NO NO

This kills me and as my friend Loi illustrates: "I cant believe that women think this way...just goes to show you what brainwashing does. Breastfeeding has so many benefits some of which They are still discovering and yet people are like ill gross yuck how rude. But show them a pic of a women scantly clad on the front cover and there like ...hmm I wished I looked like her."

To these women I make a promise. When my child is a newbie and it's time to feed, I will leave the bottle in the bag and whip out a tit right next to you in starbucks... And if you dare tell me to go into the bathroom (I don't use public bathrooms why would I feed my kid in one?) you might get special milk in your coffee!

Beach BBQ

ok, Below is a list of items to choose from for the bbq. please make a decision as to what you want to bring. If there is something you want to add to the list please let me know so i can add it.

The BBQ will start about 1 in the afternoon this Saturday.

BACKUP PLAN: Club Monaco

1.Hot Dogs & Buns melanie
2.Hamburger patties & Buns & Sliced Cheese - caryn
3.Corn on the cob myrnieka
4.Mac-n-cheese
5.BBQ Chicken myrneika
6.ColeSlaw Julia
7.CHips jennie
8.Plates, Utensils, Napkins & Cups - caryn
9.ICE
10.Condiments melanie
11.Sodas/Juices
12.Beer
13.Charcol & Lighting Fluid julia
14.Fruit Salad & Dessert Boris and darnell
15.Matches (long BBQ matches)
16. Boombox with Batteries
17. Baked Beans julia


remember to bring chairs/blankets/umbrellas for the BBQ.

Runaway

As my boss asks me if I'm ok, the tears start to well up in my eyes again and all I could do is nod with a smile that fails to mask sadness.

"it's just that you look so sad when you're usually smiling" he says with an encouraging smile. "or should I just mind my business?" To this I laugh and say "it's ok, thank you though" and go back to hiding my face behind mindless work.

it's just one of those days where you start off singing in the shower and end up in a tug o war with the ppl u love best. Part of me just wants to start crying so my boss will send my emotional ass home but the other part wants to rage, scream, punch, draw blood from someone other than myself.

then there's the third part, the dominant part that just wants everyone to fuck off, who just wants to keep to herself and her books since her books never lied to her, never questioned her intentions, never tried to argue or read into her words they just spoke to her and told her a story. They calmed her down and took her to another place, they got her excited, bored, intrigued, horny and yearning to be the main character.

Her books allowed her to have an imagination, caused her to dream in technicolor, and above all let her do something she could never seem to accomplish in reality.... runaway.

Here is something I don't understand...

Here is something I don't understand...

I have been there for folks alright, I mean at their worst I am there. I have listened to rants and raves, bad talk, advice, criticisms, bickering, uncertainy, anxiousness, etc. Whatever you name it. Whether I'm at work, at home, healthy, sick, tired, frustrated, on the toilet I let ppl talk, be them.

But it seems when ppl didn't have the time for me I took it quietly, I don't say much, you wanna snap at me, pick, take out whatever aggression towards the world in my direction fine, bring it cause i'ma big girl and can handle what u got to give, the only thing I can't handle is my own anger, so go on, do you.

but how dare you, how fucking dare you try to catch an attitude, come out the side of your face because I HAVE MY OWN LIFE. Stop trying to pick a fight with me, I already let ppl know, you don't want me to get vexed. I can handle mad, I can bite my tongue at that, but vexed... I will not hold back. I'm so sick and tired of my words being misconstrued, and ppl telling me what I really meant. You want clarification, you wanna know what I meant, ask or give me a chance to get my statements out before you jump on me with the attitudes and shit, I ain't got time for it no matter how long we been cool.

Coney

So I went to Coney island over the weekend, something I haven't done in a while. Before last year I don't think I've been since I was a child and after this weekend, I don't know why.

it is totally fun. They don't have many rides that last longer than 2 minutes but when you're there with your friends you have an absolute blast. Who knows, maybe its the company but it all took me back to when I was 13 with my family, riding on my dad's shoulders while mommi bought popcorn for me and my brother Russell. Driving past the outside of Astroland Park in the Mark VII knowing you'll be there in a matter of moments, staring in anticipation at the lights, noise and visions of cotton candy running through my head.

Yes, I've spoken a lot of garbage about Coney over the years, but I just didn't understand. I didn't appreciate its beauty, its boardwalk. How full the moon looks at night and how time can just pass you by in a place so freeing.

memories come forward

So you're walking along on your merry way to wherever when your eyes lock with a passerby. Suddenly you're taken back. You couldn't remember his face before but suddenly you are two, three, four years prior holding hands with him. You can see his clothes and the way they hug his body around the chest and then fall free, you can smell his cologne, even though he's across the street it smells as if you're locked in an embrace. You can feel his hands at the small of your back as you look up to him before a kiss, and when your lips touch you suddenly feel a tingle run down your spin as if it's your first.

You stand there cemented to the curb as faceless people whiz by on their way from A to B. You stand there and clutch the bag on your shoulder as your mouth opens agape at the vision before you unites past to present and all you can say is....

Hi.

Chipper!

Everyday about the same time I get a phone call. My co-workers girlfriend calls for him.

Sarah: HI, may I speak to John please?

I know exactly who it is by her voice. She's super nice all the time and always enunciates the same words. Her voice goes up at Hi and John and its to the point where I want to cringe. Similar to when I hear that alarm beeping sound, I start to tick.... Even when I'm in a good mood, or answer the phones laughing, the sound of her voice changes my tone severely!

what is it about her? She's too damn nice. She's like Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart and misses Smurf all rolled into one. ANNOYING

and one day she comes into the office, needless to say they make a very WASP couple. Think Charlotte York with Miranda's early man-suits. ewwww

I just want to step on her foot and see if she can get mad....

Little things

This is so cute

Usually I call Gartette in the morning for some reason or another or just to say hi. If I don't call I can expect to get a call by 11:40 am.
and he's consistent too, if I forget to call he will call me to say hello.

so cute...

I miss you LL

Darn it. I wanted to see LL Cool J yesterday and it was packed to capacity. A park was packed to capacity. Can you believe it?
I can only imagine the rippling biceps, bulging triceps and flexed ab muscles glistening in the evening sun as he compelled me to "hush baby, everything will be ok, if we do it my way, my way, my way".... ohhhh we can have it your way baby.

I miss you LL :(

I wish for you

Why don't people stay together?
there's been a rash of breakups and let downs all around so I have some wishes. These are real wishes that I've only written down and never spoke aloud to anyone.

Lupe and Black
Figure it out... yes, no, friends? Damn, but be up front with it, no more hints, clues or whispers. If there is something you want, you truly want, speak up and stop playing chicken with each other if it frustrates you so much.

Loi and D'Anthony...
work it out, but know, this route will not be an easy one. As a friend, I will not sugarcoat my responses to you. I think you are both in for a lot more heartache than you expect.

Denise...
Take this opportunity and be single. Leave men alone for now but don't let an ass kill your spirit. What he did deserves payback of the 'Set it Off' kind but heal before moving on.

Chia
play on...But remember, just cause he's hot, doesn't mean you need him around in any capacity.

Russell
Settle down already!

Valerie
You've got your family behind you. No man is worth ur pride. I've known you too long and I know you know what's really going on. I love you, I love all of you, but that right there you know I've been through, time to nip that in the bud.

as for Myself and Garette
realize you both are no longer two but one. Your plans for the future begin now and if you're going to make it, compromise is key but you both have to be bringing something to the table.

great... I sound like a fortune cookie.

Human Cadaver

So apparently I'm more messed up than I realized...

After the whole palpitations thing, I was told to call 2 weeks later for my blood results. I asked for an HIV test and the doc figured "well, I might as well run everything else too". So after two pricks he drew 3 vials of blood.

So I call now, awaiting my test results. Although I'm anticipating a negative, which I'm sure many of those who are now positive were doing the same thing, I'm still a bit nervous calling and waiting for her to recover my file. She runs through the other stuff, Cholesterol is too high...247 damn.. I'm only 26 how is it that high, it wasn't that high last year (although I did eat cause I wasn't expecting to draw blood). LDL is either 91 or 191 can't remember which... "and oh yea, your iron is extremely low, did you know you're anemic?"

come again?

"Yes, we're gonna have to put you on iron pills for a month so you can get that up and re-test you after that and you should fast then so that we can get an accurate reading of your cholesterol."

So I'm having heart palpitations, breathing problems, and now anemia?

WOW, my kid is screwed

Miami Vice

Miami Vice was awesome. At least I thought so, it's so refreshing to go back to shoot em up, bang bang, not too much thought type movies.... how I've missed it. Now if my honey can just develop the arms Jamie Foxx was struting around in that movie...ohhhhhhh