updating life

I'm at work, doing my last overnight.... (i never want to be up this late unless I'm coming from a really great party) thinking, how boring this is. I have 2.25 hours until I'm outta here and I couldn't be happier.

Update I- I've been perusing online personal websites (not going to say which one(s)) just slowly getting myself back out there. I don't meet too many people with my schedule (that should change a bit with my new job)... and I don't like clubbing all that much. Either way, I'm not too sure how serious I would take someone I met in the club, just like I'm not too serious about online dating. More so b/c I've been there and done that and it's never really worked.

why am I doing it again? why not. I get to talk to guys from the ATL area, get to know what these guys are like and hopefully they'll put me on to some spots i could hit up. It's all about networking people.

Update II- I start my new job, or at least begin training for it on Monday. Fortunately for me it's a casual environment, so I don't have to buy alot of clothes. I will still work part time at Delta for a maximum of 15 hours a week. I won't keep that schedule (plus two nights of school) for long, especially if I want to be with someone, but for now, it's fine.

and that's basically it for now.

Mis-Management

So I got a new job (pending drug screening and background check) but basically I got a new job WITH BENEFITS yayayayayayayyayayayay!! Intake Coordinator at United Health Group.

so here's the thing, I told the snotty manager here with no damn experience on how to manage a workplace, that i got a day job and will no longer be able to work the overnight shifts (Not that i care too much since this is day 4 of me not getting paid) and the heifa got an attitude. Of course any manager worth their paychecks would be disappointed to lose a valuable asset such as myself, however, I did not quit; i merely reduced and changed my hours.

I figured I would work two or three nights a week after work basically take over for the guy that quit and one day on the weekend. THIS HEIFA as payback maybe, put me to work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, meaning I would work 7 days a week PLUS school. Oh you got to be kidding. You got to be off your rocker....crack is wack so why are you still smoking it hun!

So extra money or not.... looks like I'm about to tell Delta to take this job and .... well you know.
The worst part is that i really like my co-workers and that is a first. I get along with all of them, and everyone at Delta but this manager is a dumbass and I have no benefits. Hopefully the staff at UHG will be just as friendly and fun.

The end of what was...begnning of what will be

I guess i have alot of explaining to do...

so much has happened and it seemed if i didn't write it down i could avoid feeling it for that much longer but i can't put it off anymore. Garette and I broke up... No one cheated or anything like that, it was an argument that was way blown out of proportion, but because of it, we are no longer together.

I think the stress of being apart, not fully trying to understand each other and him being a buggart just got to be too much and that was all she wrote. It's been hard to deal with especially knowing the path we were on and reading the past blogs i've written. I did and i do still love him and we talk often on the phone but we will not be getting back together....

So this lady is single again after almost two years, in a new city and beginning to get used to the idea of dating again. This should make for some good stories!

dreamin'

my dreams have always been weird but since i've been in Atl, they've become weirder. i've dreamed about alot of people from my past, having a high school reunion or a romantic relationship with someone i probably haven't spoken to in months or years.

Last night, it was a who's who in my life. it took place in what was supposed to be my aunts basement. All of my friends, plus old friends, old crushes, and exes were there. wer were having a party and ordered liquor (no food i can remember, just liquor). An old crush i called teddy bear gave me a stack ($1000) to buy liquor with and of course Garette being jealous matched this, so we had more than enough liquor to go around. Garette was there and apparently we were still living together but I was now with his friend (which wouldn't happen cause his friend is too small for me). it was just weird seeing everyone there (most dont get along with each other) in one place... maybe i'm missing home.

I'll be home soon

not so fairy tale-ish

You ever felt ready for something but the timing was off? I'm ready for so much but it's not the right time. Biologically speaking, i'm not hearing any ticking clocks but I can feel it. I feel like i'm missing something on my left hand. I wear my ring on my right middle finger but so often i feel like there's a ring on my left hand and i took it off or something...its a weird feeling especially since i never wear rings on my left...actually i did once....

My ex and I (a good ex, not an asshole) got into a conversation about why women fantasize in relationships or have this fairy tale perception of relationships and i have to admit, throughout my relationship with him, that was a big reason for fights... I imagined what the relationship should be. What he should do (attributed to watching too much tv) when we argue, things he should say. I thought relationships were supposed to be romantic all the time....boy was i wrong. i looked for the overt romantic gestures instead of realizing the things he did everyday that were just because he loved me.

I wore a ring with my ex, on my left ring finger b/c we were "so in love". I told him it was b/c i was tired of getting hit on by men, so this would drive them off...but i knew what i wanted and it was too much pressure on him. this time i feel the pressure on myself and there's no way i want to transfer it to Garette. Everyone asks the "when are you guys getting married" question and i feel funny about it. Why ask if i don't have a ring on my finger? A ring is an indicator and obviously i don't have one so leave it alone.

I guess whoever he is currently with has that romantic/fairy tale bug and I've finally realized what it's truly about. Romantic gestures are nice , too many would freak me out, but i know when Garette cooks, it's because he knows I'm tired and hungry, when he sees me tossing and turning, he turns down the volume of the television, or he doesn't work in his computer programs late at night b/c the noises would wake me up. It's the compromise or the little gestures that you need to be clued into.

I do feel ready for that step... more than ready, but it's not the right time....

sucks.

to be or not to be with AC

When i bought the car, the A/C was broken... of course the seller gave the impression that it was just the a/c compressor, not too hard to fix. I've been without air conditioning in the car for about a month now, and i was good until 90+ degree weather hit feeling more like 112. I can't stand it anymore, so I take the car for an estimate....

and wait three hours.... I knew an Infiniti would have a heavy cost associated with it, but who the hell knew it would be $1400 to fix the a/c system? Not I said the cat.

I don't have $1400. I don't even have $400. This is a disaster. I'm really thinking of taking the train today, although I don't think i would enjoy waiting for the bus at school just to get back to the train station after class is over. that was not fun the last time and i ended up walking with no bus in sight.

so, should i take off at 4:30 and take the train, or do 80 on the highway to catch the warm air through the car just so i don't have any crazies asking me to buy bootlegs? decisions decisions...

Simpsonize yourself

That's me as a Simpsons character. I think I'm cute as a cartoon LOL. I've been meaning to do this for a while but only now got around to it.

see how you look as a cartoon.

anyway...off to get info on my research paper.

They're biting

The worst part about living down south....the bugs are horrendous... i also live in the country so to speak. I bet the bugs wouldn't be so present in the city but if i wanted to live the city life, i'd move back home. Here, you can go outside for just a couple of minutes and end up with enough mosquito bites to play connect the dots.

I had to have Garette run off a huge water bug and then while driving one crawled across the front of my car. if anyone knows me, they would know that i would pull a car over if that damn thing got into the car.

One more thing, when it rains in NY, it rains all day, nothing too serious... in Georgia, while driving home from school, it was a variable rain storm so bad i had to pull off the road b/c i couldn't see two feet in front of me. the amazing thing is watching how fast people still drive in the middle of all that. and fifteen minutes later and 9 miles down the road, it's as dry as an Arizona desert.

that's my life right now, bugs, sparatic rain and alot of itching.

blast from the past

my ex called....the one i thought could be the one.

a little background... a couple of years ago, my co-worker asked me and a friend of mine, what it was we wanted in a guy. I stated quite a bit of qualities, both physical characteristics as well as mental and spiritual. basically i wanted a man's man, physically built with some baby fat (i'm a bit of a chubby chaser), a man who took charge. A couple of days later, i met Randy, everything that was on my list. We met at my favorite pool hall and he worked right next door in my favorite dress shop and we never crossed paths until that night. I guess all of the co-incidences led to what seemed like a destined romance...however four months into the relationship be began to withdraw with the classic line "I'm going through something" however, he never told me what it was he was going through. After a couple of weeks i got tired of waiting around for him to feel better, so i broke it off.

We kept dating or at least having a physical relationship afterwards for a couple of months. One day i worked up the nerve to ask him to escort me to a wedding of an old friend of mine (my ex was the best man so i had to look good) and he told me he couldn't b/c he was with someone and it wouldn't be appropriate. I said ok and asked about his girl and then the world stopped when he told me, "she's my wife". I was heavy into weddings at the time, i just wanted to meet someone, get married and start a family and since he wanted the same thing i thought we were on the way so for us to break it off and he got married to someone else within a month, not only hurt, it felt like someone stabbed me over and over again until i just had to hang up the phone.

Over the next year he called sparatically asking about my relationship, my life etc... i always asked him why call? we were ex's, your wife wouldn't appreciate this etc etc. he would brag about his wife (which all seemed like lies). Finally, while on vacation in March 2006, he called from in front of my house (thank GOD i wasn't there) I told him i was engaged so he would back off, instead he told me he was buying a two family house and why don't my fiance and i rent out the bottom apt. I finally told him in no uncertain words, leave me alone, go home to your pregnant wife and let me live my life without interruption.

SO it's been over a year and i haven't even thought about him. I've been happy, I've moved twice and I've changed jobs twice and gone back to school. I'm happy doing what i have to do...so of course, it's time for him to call. While i was at work on a particularly busy night, i answered my ringing phone thinking it was my friend calling me back...instead a male voice answered asking if i recognized him... after yelling at whoever it was on the phone he said his name...and the world paused again, this time from annoying shock. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MY LIFE?

i called him back after work, which was pretty late. he asked only about me, and i got the sense of something under his voice. so i asked him "hows married life?" apparently it wasn't everything he thought it would be, his kid was 13 months... i smell divorce in his future but i didn't say that out loud. he asked if i was happy.... and i was all too happy to say yes. I may be away from Garette, but i love him, living with him (very much like married life) seemed to have the opposite effect from Randy's situation. the best part.... I felt nothing. he didn't make me happy, make me wonder what it would have been like, nothing. he is nothing to me and that's great.

incidentally i also heard from two other ex's the same night....

i had a plan

i had a plan to go to the library all day, study until 6 then take my midterm, ace it and come home to my baby to celebrate (if you know what i mean...ma, i mean by eating ;)). things are not going according to plan.

Not realizing his id expired on his bday, Garette couldn't make the train. Compounding matters was the fact that someone at his friends house where he was staying in NC, stole his money out of his bag. Not cool. So i have to wait yet another day so he can take the bus, b/c Greyhound is totally anonymous. Meaning I could probably still celebrate in the wee hours of the AM.

Then, my prescription which was left in NY, CVS has to now fill for me which will be expensive since i'm not on insurance and unlike NY which takes about 20 min or less to fill it, they need an hour so i won't be leaving the house for another hour to study in the library AND depending on traffic, it can take me 40-60 minutes to get up to school. (i do love the fact that it takes me only 10 minutes to get to work...BIG change from NY)

Am i worried? not really, i take information in pretty well and i read fast. Plus my professor is so kind as to summarize everything on powerpoint slides when he's lecturing in class and prints out copies for us all to have.... that wonderful man!

So wish me luck... i don't know what it is but i'm never ever able to study at home.

coming off the midnight high

i just worked my first overnight...and they put me to work by myself. I thought i would have had someone to bug out with and keep me company, instead i was all by my lonesome messing up stuff (was fixed eventually) and trying my best not to drop to sleep in the middle of 'mission control center'. 11pm to 7am is not whats it cracked up to be and I'm going to need allot more snacks to be able to handle it all. but i did handle it and by quarter to 8 i was headed home, head nodding to fantasia on the radio.

but now it's 1:34 and i haven't been able to sleep much since i got home although the bags under my eyes say i really need to. Sunday i have an 11pm-3am shift which should be a little better. Just have to get enough mommi time in today since she's leaving tomorrow afternoon...

side not: can you believe I'm paying more in insurance down here than i was in NY? I-effing-ronic!

atl update

everyone wants to know how i'm doing so let me tell you
I've got a job as you may have read in previous posts, Crew Accommodations for Delta Airlines. It's part time to give me the flexibility with school and getting back into the swing of things. I'm in training right now so i'm getting used to coding and scheduling etc. that's all i can say about that due to confidentiality policies.

I bought a car... i needed an automatic to get around b/c using my brothers Porsche, as much as it makes me look glamorous, is not practical. It was cool though but all his other cars were stick shift and i don't know how to drive those. Now i have an Infinity Q45. it needs minor work but it's mine and i'm thrilled.

and i now i have a pup... he'll probably be my brothers puppy since he follows Vita and Vita follows Jason. His name is Nero and right now he spends alot of time in the cage since he gets too excited and has little accidents. He looks just like Vita, grey with lighter eyes and white patches...

So that's it for now...company's here, gotta be personable.

I did get it

So I did get the job and i start training on Sunday. Go me, go me... 2-3 weeks and now i got a job.

I think i did, i think i did

So i think i got a job LOL... not quite sure.
I went on an interview yesterday, my second in Atlanta. Responses haven't been good, in fact, they haven't been at all. My resume is of course perfect for a administrative professional, but that's not what I'm looking for. Customer Service, Non-profit and Day care are all the fields I'm looking for, but since I don't have the experience, I'm not ideal.

This position must not have had a lot of responses... because they called me. It's a third shift position 7pm - 3am, or 11pm - 7am. Hospitality company making crew reservations and reservations for distressed passengers. They called me back the same day to ask me to come in Friday night for two hours to see how it goes and if i would want the job. Then the lady said "I won't be here Friday, but I'll see you Monday". So i guess I got the job.

It's part-time, so I'll be able to have the flexibility i need for school and they'll also be flexible for me going home for long weekends and what not.
ehhh, we'll see how i like it tonight. I would have to get adjusted to the nightlife. I love sleeping at night. I don't mind the 7-3, it's the 11-7 that will kill me.

Money where art thou

You know the worst part about looking for a job... You work all day, stare at a computer or newspaper circling prospects, sending out resumes, filling out forms (which incidentally they can just look at your damn resume and figure out lazy ass ppl) and you get tired like you would any normal job... you just don't get paid.

Gosh i miss regular income. It's only been a few weeks (2 weeks to be exact) but i'm broke. Moving costs a lot of money of which i have none. My vacation pay which was supposed to be put into my account on Saturday with everyone else's payroll was NOT, prompting me to send a sarcastic email (can't get ignorant when someone else is controlling the flow of your funds) to the COO and founder of my last job. Simple consideration would have dictated paying out the vacation pay on the last day like any other normal job. Intelligence would have done it when they said they would (June 30th payroll) but stupidness says "Uh we forgot"... I hate stupid people. Ignorance you can fix with knowledge, stupidness...there is no cure for.

My financial aid has been disbursed to my school however, my school has not yet applied it to my account so they can send the remainder to me.... how thoughtful. My car insurance was due yesterday, my other accounts are coming due soon and i still have NO JOB.

other than that i'm fine :)

long distance hugs

I tossed and turned.... so did he.
This living apart thing is not easy. it's only been a couple of days but it's hard when you're accustomed to the same person every day and night. I wondered if it's co-dependency... but I don't think that's it.

I've kept busy in the beginning, painting my room, sponging one wall, driving here and there. Kept myself so busy i was tired and ready to fall asleep every night... until Tuesday night. Being in the house alone, emptying more boxes, reality slapped me in the face and i broke down crying. I would be coming home at this time, getting off the train and walking to my apartment only to be greeted by cooked food a kiss and a teddy bear when i wanted to cuddle.

sleeping is hard, thinking is harder and hearing his voice so far away is the hardest. hearing how sad he feels is extremely difficult. wanting to hug him and knowing i can't hurts like hell, so i give him long distance kisses and non-transferable promises to suffice until we see each other again.

such is sacrifice.

my cup runneth over

it's been a while, but it's been busy.
Last week, I had lunch with my execs, dinner with co-workers and a surprise party from my office. It was quite an event i must say. I have never felt so much a part of the company as i did that day. Not to mention they quickly hired someone to replace me that for the day i trained her, seemed to be an idiot. But that is no longer my problem.

Listening to the founder make a short speech about my time in the company (14.5 months) and how valuable i was, i tried my best to keep it together. Nonetheless, i cried. My first real cry about moving and it happened in front of everyone (mostly everyone) in my office. I couldn't' believe i would have such emotions but there they were. I even got gifts. How cool. After work, i took my new school bag and items given to me and went for drinks with more co-workers. I felt like they were friends. I hadn't felt that way the whole time i worked there....such a same. I almost didn't want to say goodbye...

The next night was my going away party. I'll skip the drama inflicted on me by a careless, lying promoter and skip to the good parts.... I got so dang drunk part of the night comes in flashes. Marking my night, the only ppl that truly showed were my closest friends (even those that attempted to and couldn't, even the ppl that called afterwards i appreciated) and an old friend. Mo and her husband showed first, I've known both of them since elementary and jr. high and it was special to see them there.... the best part, knowing once Mo is a friend, she is always a friend. She was one of the girls trying to hoist me off of the toilet in the club and slapping me in the face to keep me conscious outside of the club.

Garette, it meant so much to have him there. I know his issues with my friends, he knows they don't really like him, rather me be without him and that's why he stays away from them. He was my post, he kept me up as much as he could and took care of me all night and all day following as he always does. I started crying when Loi hugged me in the club and ran to cry on Garette's shoulder.... i don't know how I'm going to be apart from him... but i know i will be with him always.

The girls and the boys... my group of familia made sure i went out with a bang. Fireworks and all, i couldn't have imagined a night like that.... I don't want to get that drunk again but we can get close :)

The movers took everything i needed Wednesday and its the night before my flight. Garette held me for an hour while i cried. Being apart from my Mom will be incredibly hard, from my friends too, but most of all from Garette. I've never been this much in love with anyone. No one has taken as much care of me as he has, put me first, looked out for me as much as he has. he calls when it looks like rain to make sure i have an umbrella, make sure i ate, makes sure when i toss and turn in the middle of the night that I'm ok. All the little things mean so much to me, tomorrow is not guaranteed, but i thank GOD that he was brought to me when he was and I hope this is not where the chapter ends but part two in the series begins.

I love you baby

She, He and ME

As the train rocked forward it caught my eye. He kept looking up at me as I stood over Them reading my book. They couldn't see me but inside I was laughing so hard. She was into her music, I into my story and He stealing glances....just then....and again. It wasn't until he looked again up and down that she looked too.....Up....and down.....and up again...just her eyes. And I glanced at her.

I figured in my final days I could look like a girl. I could wear a dress, a dress that fell all too well on my figure. A dress that's unforgiving to the unpleasant, and enhances what'cha mama gave ya. A low cut little diddy that had Garette looking at me with the same eye he gave me. "Where are you going?".... Just to dinner afterwork babe, then you can take it off :)

Judging by their reactions, the dress was hot and She proceeded to whisper something in his ear...."the girl in front of us....." was all i could hear....then his eyes again...up and down. Her head motioned towards me, and she kept talking about me.... and I just watched them. I wanted to say "be easy, I have my own at home" but I let her do what she needed to to stay secure.

She held his hand tighter, two pairs of eyes glanced one more time, then she kept talking so he only looked at her.

finale or a new beginning?

watching the Sopranos series finale I was conflicted. Many people I heard did not like the ending....i thought it was great. It was like ending it without really ending it.

***episode spoilers ahead... do not read if you have it Tivo'd***

To put it in perspective, i will have you recall the episode in Episode 80 Season 6 (current and final season) where the feds discover a body which was buried 25 years ago by Tony and the ever talkative Paulie. In letting Carmela know he had to skedaddle for a short while, she says "It's just, this is what life is still like, at our age?"

That is what the final episode was...the answer to that question. there could be no more final end for Phil and Justice was due. No offense, but that shit was awesome. Janice is back to her manipulative ways again, trying to keep Bobby's kids so she won't be alone and also, so they won't leave with what's theirs. In the final scene, everyone is shifty. Tony keeps watching the door as person after person walks in, waiting for his family to come in one by one. Always looking over your shoulder, living in peace in between tumultuous times. and as Meadow finally walks in...........it's over. No fade to black, no nice family moment.........just darkness and just like that, the Sopranos came to a finale. they left you wanting more and left your imagination running with the script.

nice job.

what about your fam?

I thought what was messed up was when my cousins planned to travel and get together amongst themselves leaving me out of the picture. I thought it was even more messed up when one proceeded to tell me all about their plans and what fun they would have, all the cousins together... but it doesn't compare to calling and asking me about where I stayed the last time I was there and if I had any suggestions for them....

and still, not once did anyone say "would you like to come?" although at this point it might result in a click of the phone or a slap to the face. Either way, it would be as much as they're giving me right now.