No more excuses for 2007

Well, 2005 was a good year, i met a couple of ppl i dropped a couple of ppl, the same way it goes every year.... but 2006 was the year of Good Feeling. People around me, gained something, lost things that were weighing them down, went through struggles and came out stronger, clearer and with renewed dedication.

Yes, 2006 was good and 2007 has promise for even more... Take a minute and look back to your resolutions/goals for 2006...did you make them happen? What was the Problem? Well you ain't getting any younger and time doesn't stand still for no man/woman, so it's time to get up off that ass and do something with your future before it becomes obsolete. I live by this.... I did everything in my power to make my dreams come to fruition in 2006, most of them did but some of my more important dreams were rejected like the Knicks at any basketball game this season.

That will not discourage me though, that will only allow me to re-up, throw some water on my face and get back out there, cause I'm dedicated to moving forward only. The LADY does not move back, she keeps it moving so you either on the train or you catching the next ride without me. In my previous blog i wrote some goals and I'm sticking to them. A good idea is to post them up on the ceiling when you wake up, above the mirror in the bathroom... a really good place is wherever your eyes go when you are making a #2 (directly across the room, on the floor, wherever you look when you're looking around visiting the john). That way your goals are drilled into your brain.

Stop the excuses, they get you nowhere. So what, you would like to do this but you may fail at it...dammit at least you tried. and if you fail, do something else, pull out that skill you have and work it to your advantage. I know peeps with full-time jobs, kids, getting their masters degrees, my mom did it, my dad did it so dang it, most of the ppl i know have NO excuse. You are your own worst enemy and your FEAR is the answer to your questions.... why don't i have what they have? Why haven't I gotten this? what's taking so long for me? IT'S YOU

No one got to where they needed to be by standing in one spot. Some put one foot in front of the other, some jumped, some even took off running. But in order to get from Point A to point Z you have to make a move.

So what's your next move going to be?

reality Check

Garette and I "unofficially" live together. I've been comfortable saying this when anyone asks... even when they tell me to stop bullshitting. It's unofficial, he doesn't have all his clothes, Most of his clothes are at his other place. So it makes sense, he can't live with me if he doesn't have all his "stuff". He only has one piece of furniture, a hideous TV stand that doesn't have a TV on it because i have an entertainment center.

This rationale has sat comfortably with me for 6 months and then a survey form comes along and makes me wipe off the foggy window. Filling out a survey for Evite (you could win $2500, why not), the box for relationship gave no leeway.

8) Which of the following best describes your marital status?
Married or living with a partner
Single and never married
Divorced, widowed, or separated

I'm not married, but i am living with him... am i living with him...i might as well admit it...he's there everyday...he cleans (yes he cleans)...he gives me money toward daily living expenses so.... yes OH DAMN....reality right where i don't need it, in my face.

yea, shortly thereafter i went back and fogged up the window. Denial is a lovely place south of keep your nose in your own business-ville and west of i don't know what you're talking about-land. It does help that "married or living with a partner" referred to homosexual couples who can't marry so since the answer didn't apply to me, it doesn't count as an epiphany.

yay me

2007 is coming...

I'm so tired... the flu symptoms are coming on slowly but are felt nonetheless. It started with a sore throat, then this morning came the body aches and now i can barely keep my eyes open. Not even to type this blog, since I'm a really good typist, my eyes will be closed for most of this blog.

So it seems Christmas is coming fast. the end of the year even faster and 2007 will come with more promises, more hopes for gratification, hopes for a better future, better life and growth all around. isn't it special, every year we get a re-do to do our lives better, to do them RIGHT.

This year was a good year filled with good things. Moving out is moving up, vehicles taking us to new places, relationships blossoming, it's all good news. 2007 has the potential to be phenomenal with new HOMES, relationships solidified and desires quenched. like every year, it'll be what you make it, plan or no plan every choice you make defines you as a person. So whether you make no choices (punk), risky choices (daredevil), or choices that will ensure a return on your future (safe), it's your life and it's only what you make it.

So here's my top 5 list for what i want to achieve in 2007 (not in order)
1. Move to Atlanta with Garette
2. Get accepted into a teaching program (GaTAPP)
3. Get a raise to out of dept
4. Get Mommi out of that neighborhood
5. Get my house in ATL

Not Built for it

Nope, nada, uh uh I'm just not built for cold weather. It's friggin 19 degrees outside, i froze my face off going to the bank for work deposits and get this.... it's only for today. Alot of ppl are going to get sick from this sudden temporary drop in the weather. These are the same ppl that will sit next to me on the train sniffling and coughing up a storm.....

I wore the equivalent of a quilt with a zipper up the middle to work, jogging pants under my jeans, two pairs of socks a long-sleeve tee. I want to be where the sun shines down and i don't wake up to 18 or below degress...sounds good to me

(FYI, this is an older post that I forgot to post)

December is holiday time

It's December....YAYAY
it's holiday time, barely working time, time to be nice and time to CHUCK people to the side so you can get to that cashmere sweater that's reduced 40% with a 15% coupon in your back pocket. AHHHH, smell that cinnamonny pine air and see those lights. i don't know about you but it puts me in a cozy mood to see houses decorated knowing that i don't have a house, so i don't have to do that shit. ahhhhh

it's also time for my holiday party, at least for this year... so if you got an evite, come along, bring your belly and your funny bone cause it'll be a jolly good time. If you didn't get the evite, act like you don't know about the party so i won't be embarrassed i didn't invite you :)

I want to take a holiday pic with Garette but he will think it's corny and refuse.... how can i trick him? any suggestions?

Happy holidays

Man MS

My huny is doing something that has me puzzled. he's being normal.

No matter what men think, they go through PMS sometimes worse than women. It's Man MS...they get quiet, get attitudes, grumpy, moody, walk around with a frown, easily ticked off etc etc. and when you bring this to their attention they have no idea what you're talking about...riiiiight

so that's currently Garette's mood, or at least it was and then almost overnight he's showing up at my girls night, talking non-stop, smiling, caring and on the phone said "i love you baby"... whooa.... what's going on?

for a minute there i thought we were on a reality show cause this certainly doesn't seem real (none of them are). then a kiss while I'm sleeping, a call in the middle of the day, it's like when we first met.... i mean the middle of the day to say "what's up". no ulterior motive, doesn't need anything, just hi.

I'm not complaining about his recent behavior modifications, if anything it's made things happier at home, more comfortable.

and yea a little on edge to see where the pin will drop.

shut ur trap

OK, let me clear the air cause this became a pet peeve very recently. Do not under any circumstances, critique my food while I'm eating, interrupt me while I'm eating, or have anything to say about what I'm eating before i get to eat or afterwards. In a nutshell, shut your trap and mind your own business.

This is what you misunderstand. When i say my clothes don't fit, i mean, my clothes no longer fit me. I'm not fat, I'm happy with my body. i could be a bit more toned but in essence I'm sexy as hell, make no mistake about it and that comes NATURALLY. the only reason i complain, is b/c bills have to be paid, thus i can't buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my figure.

as ladies, we all go through those times when our bodies naturally take on more water and bloat and we feel like shit, so i may complain then too but really, i didn't ask your opinion, nor do i care for it. the fact that ppl see a bag that says McDonald's, you really think that i must have the entire menu inside of it, or maybe it's a salad, or maybe it's ice cream, or even 1 cheeseburger and an apple pie. maybe the fact that that's all i eat for the rest of the night plays into the reason I'm not 200 lbs.

not that i need to give anyone an explanation but during a 5 day work week i allow myself 1 lunchtime of bad food and it's usually followed up at home by 8 pieces of cheese and crackers for dinner or vegetables. the rest of the week i have lunch from home followed by a sandwich for dinner.

so, whether it was a joke or not, it was uncalled for and rude.

it is what it is take it or leave it

OK, there are positives and negatives about writing a blog. The problem being that this is me in my rawest form, un-edited, un-rehearsed. The words pour from my heart to my head unto the screen and then for the world to see. At most times, it's in the heat of anger, other times just trying to see through the confusion and most often than not, i don't read it back. it is what it is take it or leave it.

I chose to write this blog about me, my experiences, my life, my angers, my peeves, my joys, hurts, funnies, stupid stories and just silly situations. I chose to share a part of me that most people thought they knew but suddenly realize, they don't. I chose to voice through words what I most often can't through emotions cause i have too much of those...that was a choice that was easy for me to do since i love writing and i stopped so long ago.

the problem you ask? Well that comes when people read it...

I would say, don't take it too seriously but these are real emotions. My Epiphany's, which i tell you that I've come to without actually saying what they were, are real. But if you haven't gotten it yet, let me share something else with you....

I'm not huggy, my emotions are kept on the inside until i decide to voice them. I don't get excited about having "private girl time" because it seems too forced. I bond over everyday life experiences; hanging out, everyday sharing, 'catching up' over a plate of potato skins while other tables chatter with their own business is ideal for me. Being around any person too much annoys me and they will eventually annoy me and that is when i fall back...but I'm never far. I go through moods, i have bouts of depression for no reason at all. I hate bullshit so if you're one of those ppl that bullshit to yourself chances are you annoy me with it. I forgive but i never forget. I'm super observant and catch things you don't realize you revealed. I'm always there to help and to listen. If i have done you wrong, let me know cause I can't fix my behavior if I'm unaware. but

if you show no interest in my life it will take me a while to warm up to you again no matter how close you thought we were. it's not me being spiteful, it's me protecting myself. i may come off a bit cold, but you can't force me back, it'll come back when it does. besides, i always get quiet when i have a lot to work out for myself.

I'm back

It's been so long since I've written anything. My week-long vacation to Barbados was amazing and I have to say certain parts made me long for taking a vacation alone with Garette. I have yet to upload the pics but when I do, I have an amazing sunset shot off the terrace of our hotel.

We must have went all over the island although I did NOT get to see the college with my Surname. We usually take a picture there. Everything seemed so familiar but still so new to me, granted it's only been 8 years since I've been back, for my brother that also went, over 20 years. However, we won't make that mistake again.

Dear GOD...

I'm having one of those days... one of those revealing days where actions and qualities are being exaggerated so i notice them.... or maybe it seems that way. Every attitude, every suck of the teeth, every instance where they think they know me so well they totally mis-read my intentions. Lord it makes me question their existence in my life... should they be here? is this what i have to look forward to?

Chuck it all that little devil on the side of me says... leave them be. and sometimes it sounds so good especially on days like this. So in the meantime.... see ya!

Forgetting your manners....

As I ran out the house this morning a bit behind but determined to catch the emptier train the cold air shocks me and once again my ankle feels like it's about to crack or die. "Walk it off, walk it off" I can hear my grandfather say so I push past and walk only as fast as a six foot girl in sneakers can. Still, short ppl really think they can do better so they walk in front of me, knowing I'm trying to past them, only to have the back of their shoe taken off... really, you should have known...

I get a seat on the train after a couple of stops standing and reading and at the last stop in Brooklyn I put my book away and get ready for my morning 20 min nap to 34th street... That is, until Park Place. It kills me, how regardless of the fact that it is rush hour and the train is packed it would be one person, one ignorant, got up on the wrong side of the bed, angry at the world, needs some good loving to get the stick out their ass person to start an argument about "you're touching me".

Unfortunately it was a black woman. Instead of realizing that perhaps some body parts will touch others, especially when you're blessed with a healthy rear, I think it's unfair to start off at someone because their butt touched yours. Let's think about this... his butt, touched her butt, would it be better if his bag touched your butt... he in fact did NOT touch her butt but in the course of standing on a train shaking side to side, his butt touched her butt... Heaven forbid.

so she starts arguing because of the butt touching to which he says what everyone was thinking, "Bitch". Now here is where I got mad, since I was on his side the whole time, but why call someone out their name cause they got an attitude with you? She did not call him any names just resented the fact that they butt-loved, sucked her teeth and muttered to herself loud enough for everyone to hear. Sure, she may have been acting "bitchy" but in no way does any woman deserve some idiot to call her a bitch just to make himself look good.

So I say to you Mr. Grease-haired man on the #2 train this morning who got his ass chewed out because he didn't pay attention in Manners class and Man training... Calling a woman a bitch is not a good idea. Calling a black woman a bitch is an even stupider idea, and calling a west-Indian woman a bitch....tsk.... If she'da took ur head off I would only have supplied the bag in which to put it in. It did not make you a man, instead, it just won you the...

Biggest Jerk of the Week Award.

Doggie care

Don't take this the wrong way but I like that ppl don't come to my house. I have been everywhere lately, everybody else's apts and no one has come to mine. Does it really bother me?... NO.

but i am thinking about getting a dog... maybe when i get a raise (hint hint bossman) i can really consider it. i need company (not necessarily human) and i'm tired of cats (the devils pet). i think i want my dog now. having a pet makes you come home b/c really, who wants to come home to a dead pet cause you weren't there to feed it... or step in a puddle of piss cause you weren't there to take it outside. and obviously this dog will have to be spayed or clipped cause i'm not dealing with a horny mutt.

i see having a dog as the first step to family... like having my apt is my first step to a house. Getting my affairs, bills and what not in order. keeping up with the household crap, you know all that grown up stuff. Having a child scares he bejesus outta me so if i can have a dog and not kill it, i think that would be a positive thing since these damn plants don't seem to last past a couple of days :)

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I Slave

and slave cleaning the house and all you do is come in the house and have no words. You don't notice a damn thing, so why work?

Yo, I am so feeling like an unappreciated housewife.

after an argument Sunday about a pot that was still in the fridge with food that should have been cleaned, Garette and I got into a heated discussion about responsibilities. He thought since I cooked, I should have seen the pot and cleaned it. I didn't need that pot when I cooked so why look for it and clean it? He on the other hand is home more often than me, why didn't he clean it? He says that he didn't look in the fridge. By the looks of his belly that didn't grow on its own, I would say, he's lying.

anyway, Monday afterwork I came home with a new swiffer dry sweeper ready to attack the apt with the help of my cleaning agents. I brought a mildew remover for the bathroom (which by the way is awesome, Lysol Mildow Remover, spray the area and watch it disappear), and Softscrub with bleach. My bathroom is sparkling. Plus, I bought a new bathroom decor, so it's now chocolate brown to go with the season. Then I organized the bathroom storage area.

then I put away the laundry which has been sitting there for a week. Three bags of laundry, both mine and Garette's. Cleaned up the living area and bedroom area (since I live in a studio it's all one area really). by the end, my back was killing me and I could do no more so I went to sleep. I waited too and got no response, no nod, no acknowledgement.

yes, I understand I clean for me but still, it would be nice to hear, nice job.

Knicks passing me by

Dude, I so just missed an opportunity to see a Knicks vs. Nets game but it's ok, another time. I've been telling myself that for too long and before I move, I MUST see a knicks game.

Nothing much to write, fighting the tail end of a stuffy sickness from earlier this week. In the process of popping Dayquil which I frequently do when I'm sick, I realized, this may not be too good with the Mitral Valve Prolapse the doc diagnosed me with. Its actually the reason I noticed my heart beating rapidly. So for the first time during a sickness, I battled through, without the assistance of cold medicine (in the daytime). At night I still needed assistance, otherwise I'd been up blowing away half my brain.

Garette came through with a promise he made to me, which made me feel a bit better about our future. Although it was late, it was a step in the right direction. and that's all I ask.


MySpace Comments Graphics

Overbooked

Damn, it's Friday already. Where does the time go? Although right now I'm killing time until I can leave at 5:30 and what a nice surprise, I do NOT have to work Monday which is Columbus day. I would like a day to rest but in 1 day my weekend has totally booked up. How do I let things like this happen?

Just yesterday Sunday was my only day that I would really be leaving my house to be in the crowds. Suddenly I have to race to my moms tonight to do laundry, then go to club Strata for a friends birthday party. Tomorrow which was just a simple day of Archery, turns into Archery, Movies, and a haunted house. Sunday to see my cousin at her booth at the Circle of Sisters Expo and then Monday to hang out with an old friend while we watch a bunch of badass kids.

I'm already tired just gearing up for it all. I just have to do one thing.... Don't sweat my hair out... It looks so cute when it's freshly done.

Let me be your muse

People always told me that I have a lot to say... that I have an opinion on everything. And Yes, I do. It's what makes me... me. It's also a major part of the reason I created this blog. And it appears that some of my friends have a lot to say as well, so they created their own blogs.

Check them out
Insert Gripe here

The Unfathomable Femme Fatale

Baddisms

A day without my phone

A couple of years ago, we didn't have cell phone compartments in our purses. We used quarters in a pay phone. We coordinated where we would meet beforehand and we waited until we got home to converse with our friends about some guy, our day or even what we were wearing to our next event.... Not so much nowadays. Now it seems, people talk on their cell phones everywhere, in the elevator at the doctors office, getting a procedure done anywhere on their bodies, on a date, their cell phones are attached to the ear so the person(s) on the other line knows exactly what's happening, right now.

well, yesterday, totally by accident, I left my cell phone at home. Anyone who knows me knows my cell phone is my communication. I chat on AIM, text constantly, and it's my phone book since I relinquished the task of remembering numbers from my brain and gave it to my cell (or at least the SIM card).

About 2 blocks from my house (and very close to the train station), I realize I do not have my cell phone. "shit, damn" as I stopped, turned around and gave up hope of going back home. "I'll just email ppl so they know". Sitting down in the office I was forced to use the clock on my computer rather than my phone when deciding on whether to greet ppl with "Good Morning...." or "Good Afternoon".

then, when I went to lunch, who would I talk to? Who would chat with me as I waited in line for my chicken sandwich? Silence......
......
......
walking down the street I usually ignore people by chatting on the phone but now I was forced to listen to their comments, which all in all, are pretty flattering once they don't get offended that I didn't stop to talk to them.

it took a good three times to call my boyfriend from my job phone before he answered a number he didn't recognize.

then going to mommi's house, I don't have my key, and I'll have to wait outside for her to answer the door (sometimes it takes a while to get down those stairs). usually I call when I'm walking up the block so she's there waiting for me but this time, I had to act like a visitor. A salesperson who came knocking wanting to introduce a potential buyer to a product that worked like the last one but has been totally re-formatted and is in a cuter bottle.

once I got home, way after 10 pm, I checked my phone... A lot of text messages (the only way to communicate in the twenty-first century). And a picture of a book with someone's name on it from my brother..... Time for him to explain...

yah, shall I make the first call

all in all, the day was pretty freeing without it. I wouldn't do it again if I had pressing plans but I would definitely do it again. I AM NOT A SLAVE!!!!

Stop and smell the stink...

Its only when you stop that you realize the world goes on without you, and the truths you were too busy to see before suddenly become brazenly obvious.

The hardest part is seeing it come from people you love. Whether it's the way they showboat when others are around or how selfish and self-centered they truly are you always knew it on some level but now that you don't have so much taking your focus away not only does it shock you, it disgusts you.

I've seen so much in the past couple of weeks it's amazing to me. After going through a tumultuous week, ending in a heart wrenching Friday which covered itself up by overeating for two days and finally ending with a tonsillitis and the flu on Sunday I'm ready to be alone. All by lonesome at home watching season premieres and series premieres.

Oh and making mosaics with my mosaic team... Love u guys!

Ok I get it

Sometimes I wish GOD had text messaging. My message would be

"OK G, I get it"

lately it seems as if life was getting a bit hard for me to handle. Creditors calling my job (how they got the # I don't know), I owe this, I owe that, rent, bills. I know ppl said it was hard but Geez louise I didn't know how hard.

its so funny how one minute you know where your life is headed, you know what's going to happen and then boom, suddenly nothing seems right, your plans are just ideas and you have no grip on your life. I haven't felt stable in a long time and being a Taurus, that's just a bit confusing.

the trouble being, I'm not happy. geez I went to school for four years, busted my ass in classes to get someone tea and look at me like I have the audacity to look her in the eye. Then I have someone else who speaks very plainly like I don't know how to send a letter FedEx. Mind you, I work in a very small firm and I've come from very big ones so not only do I know how to send a letter, I can type it in 55wpm, format it correctly and use the big words to make it sound overly educated.

so I guess ppls underestimations, underpayment and utterly, my uninterest in this field got to the point where I can't take it anymore. I'm trying not to fall into the depressive state but everything just seems to happen together. And just when you think it's over... BAM here it comes again.

So yea, I'm weighing my options... Do I look for another job now even though I'm leaving in 8-10 months? Do I stay and ask for a raise? Can I stay here without slapping a bitch? Should I get a second job? Will that ultimately be my demise?

I have an interview tomorrow and a phone interview after that. I took the day off as a mental health day cause I'm heading down a dark path and it's not pretty. As I calm down from my latest run-in with an in-house ass, I schedule the interview, then get an email regarding the phone interview literally and hour apart. I'm listening to some gospel and suddenly I'm totally aware of the words of the song "Everything is gonna be alright" from al green playing in my ear. WOW

OK G, I get it... You're taking care of it...

I guess only time will tell

Birthday Shouts

Happy Birthday Denise




we're gonna party cause it's ya birthday.
You got a lot of growing up to do but you're well on your way.... YAY

unfortunately in trying to find something to wear for your shindig, I'm reminded of a horrendous fact... I gained weight. Half of my clothes I can't fit into anymore or don't fit the way they should. It's a sobering reality when you don't have the money to buy a whole new wardrobe. So I guess I have to diet or exercise. Here's the problem. I don't like either. How do I lose weight when I can't motivate myself to go to a gym?

I hate the gym... ppl stare (they do), they watch you cause they forgot to bring their own book to read, they don't get off the damn treadmill when they know they only signed up for a half hour block. I hate going when I have my period. and why is it that I only get the urge to jog when its getting too cold outside to start?

I need help cause this whole diet and exercise thing, I can't do by myself.