You ever felt ready for something but the timing was off? I'm ready for so much but it's not the right time. Biologically speaking, i'm not hearing any ticking clocks but I can feel it. I feel like i'm missing something on my left hand. I wear my ring on my right middle finger but so often i feel like there's a ring on my left hand and i took it off or something...its a weird feeling especially since i never wear rings on my left...actually i did once....
My ex and I (a good ex, not an asshole) got into a conversation about why women fantasize in relationships or have this fairy tale perception of relationships and i have to admit, throughout my relationship with him, that was a big reason for fights... I imagined what the relationship should be. What he should do (attributed to watching too much tv) when we argue, things he should say. I thought relationships were supposed to be romantic all the time....boy was i wrong. i looked for the overt romantic gestures instead of realizing the things he did everyday that were just because he loved me.
I wore a ring with my ex, on my left ring finger b/c we were "so in love". I told him it was b/c i was tired of getting hit on by men, so this would drive them off...but i knew what i wanted and it was too much pressure on him. this time i feel the pressure on myself and there's no way i want to transfer it to Garette. Everyone asks the "when are you guys getting married" question and i feel funny about it. Why ask if i don't have a ring on my finger? A ring is an indicator and obviously i don't have one so leave it alone.
I guess whoever he is currently with has that romantic/fairy tale bug and I've finally realized what it's truly about. Romantic gestures are nice , too many would freak me out, but i know when Garette cooks, it's because he knows I'm tired and hungry, when he sees me tossing and turning, he turns down the volume of the television, or he doesn't work in his computer programs late at night b/c the noises would wake me up. It's the compromise or the little gestures that you need to be clued into.
I do feel ready for that step... more than ready, but it's not the right time....
sucks.
1 comment:
Hi, I just happened to stumble upon your blog and I definitely understand how you're feeling. I actually have a similar post on my blog. I think it's important to remember love is sometimes greatest in its smallest denominations...and both men and women tend to overlook that. Anyway, I enjoyed reading, stop by mine sometimes.
-Earica
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