Feeling Blessed

In less than 24 hours, I will have something all my own. I'm too excited. I will be a homeowner..

Bring me to life

I woke up crazy early this morning since i couldn't seem to make it back to sleep, i went for a morning run. It felt like ice going through my lungs, but it was liberating.

Ive been basically laying in bed for a day and a half with the blahs.  I convinced myself during the week that i was ok and doing well and by Friday evening i was in the dumps again.   No appeitite, no desire to cook, just a diet of pain, tears and dread. I usually saw him on the weekend and I wint be seeing or talking to him and its hurtful.  then fact that my closest "friends" havent even checked in with me just angered me. It's been almost 5 years and the closest friend i have, i just broke up with.

Love is pain

I  know it doesn't have to be but thats where I am right now. I can still feel my heart breaking from time to time but its not too bad. Not dure if I want to date yet but I do want to at leaet talk tomsome guys and get used to that. Baby steps i keep telling myself...

Plugging into my sanity

I always feel so ackward trying to make a New Years resolution. i think they are kind of silly to plan a change, i figure, just do it. Nonetheless, I do feel there are things that I need to work on.

#1- With a crazy, crazy job and schedule at times I need an outlet, some release. To help with that I bought a pair of running shoes and re-started my blog (as u can see).

#2-  Patience - geez i wish i had patience. i can be demanding and especially  since i became a boss i feel like im even more so. A controlling person may be great for what I do but the gray hairs aren't  worth it for my age. Maybe a return to yoga to meditate would be worth it.


hopefully this can help me out since I don't  even want to talk to other people anymore. Im still a lady at this point trying to be a woman with a happy life...and trying to figure out what that will take.

I want love... I want it, so bad... I miss it, being that person to someone else.

Is it bad that I said that?

My ex came over the other night to hang out. We had fun just watching tv, eating, talking and chilling basically. Then we slept.... and it was good. To wake up in the middle of the night and someone is wrapped around you, moves with you, seeks you out when you move to the edge. It. feels. awesome. That's exactly what I want. Not to say that I want that with my ex but I know what I want.

He's a great guy, always will have me smiling and I would always know that I'm beautiful but he's just not there yet and that hurts.

Online matchmaking

So I'm actively using an online "relationship" site to find a date. With my life being the way it is now i'm so dang busy I dont have time to go where the men are. So this particular site sends you matches instead of you looking through them. Ok i guess seeing as every man they send me is 5'5" or a few inches taller... I mean really?? I'm 6'1" and before you ask, Yes i made sure to click the "very important" button next to the height requirements LOL

So I've talked to 2 guys and met 0 in person. It doesn't appear I'm doing any better with this site than I could have in the club. Then there's the ones that constantly look at your picture rather than just send the message or start the process.... on to the next one.

Full tank and no where to go

You ever just want to be in love? Just feel like you're tank is filled to the brim and there's no vehicle to transfer this love to? that's how i feel. I wasted a year being something to someone and in the end we weren't what i thought we were. I possibly ruined what could have been a good love, and now i'm full of this emotion and no one to give it to. Totally sucks. Just venting