Minivans

Now I've always said "do not drive behind minivans"... they are slow and annoying and don't follow the understood traffic patterns. And they prove me right every freaking time.

Minivan drivers, why do you insist on driving in the fastest lane 20 miles slower than everyone else? It makes no sense, you don't have the pickup, you probably have more weight than the rest of us, but yet you feel the best lane for you is the left one....

Do you not notice all the cars lining up behind you? Do you not see how everyone has to go around you to pass you...If you must yell at the kids in the third row, do it from the second to right lane and let us be on our way...

Minivan drivers, realize you are no longer in a sports car, sedan or SUV, you are a minivan driver....accept it and let us be!

Same Ish...different month

what's going on...not a damn thing. my mini Christmas vaca was busy with helping a friend move, showing my cousins around, visiting ppl... but still, I was happy to come back to ATL where life is a bit calmer.

Coach FINALLY moved back to ATL and we had a nice lil' homecoming LOL...Innocent enough but I finally got my kiss that was really good.

now i'm back to school and back to work (not really enjoying the second one) and not getting a part-time job, b/c my school work load is a bit heavy this semester... i need to concentrate on the A's.

Work is stressful with the OT I'm doing b/c of open enrollment.... by Friday my co-workers and I are exhausted and it's written all over everyone face.
I'm taking a day or two in Feb. One for sure when my homegirls come to visit.

Oh well, back to work :(

I can do it...

After a long day of shopping and driving ppl around the city, we prepare to go back home to Brooklyn. Showing off our latest shopping finds from Canal Street and 34th street, we are relaxed and about 20 min away from our destination when a light comes on the dashboard. A simple (!) and a sign appears "Tire pressure low". Confused since i felt no difference, at the light I get out in the rain and it's not until i go around the back of the car when i see it, the rear passenger tire is as flat as a pancake.

Great

I pull over on a busy street and tell my aunt to call the rental car service #, then spring into action. I've been driving since i was 13 and there were certain things my father, brother and grandfather thought i should know.... How to jump a car, how to check your oil and add if necessary and how to change a tire (the last one courtesy of my big brother). So instantaneously, i take the spare out of the back and ask for assistance from a guy double parked in the car behind me. I haven't changed a tire in years, and these new fangled jacks and lug removers had be confused.

RELUCTANTLY he gets out after he sees me fiddling and noticed it was a car of women two of which were under 18 ( so i guess he figured he wouldn't get mugged). after he pulled out the accessories from the jack i was good to go, and within 30 minutes, the tire was changed and we were back in the car getting warm with hot chocolate. THEN the tow truck came LOL

I was so proud of myself (patting myself on the back), even the tow guy said he would come and grown men would just sit and wait, he was impressed we had it changed already.

You see daddy....I'ma be alright.

the joy and gain of food

I keep forgetting my salad....
I hate when things spoil especially when it's' b/c i have a bad memory which just seems to get worse lately.

I went to the docs a couple of weeks ago and apparently I've gained like 15 pounds since i've moved here....15 freakin pounds. So i have to lose that after the new year
I want to look slim and trim again....but i love my food LOL

So to do this i figured i'd buy healthier snacks... Salads, alot more green leafy stuff in my diet which i don't really mind. I need vegetables, some cheese and crackers as a snack and fruit. This is the problem.... I KEEP FORGETTING THEM. So i have healthy stuff in the fridge going bad b/c I'm usually running late in the morning and don't have time to make something.

if i stay to make something i would have to drive to work which means $50 in gas 2-3 times a week and if i leave it means $4-$5 for Bkfst & $7-$8 for lunch...
i could just wake up early but that means me and Will Smith or Jay-z would have to interrupt our time and that ain't happening LOL

So what to do...

Christmas in NY

So excited, in 6 short days i'll be home in NY with my mom and extended family to celebrate Christmas. I'll get to see everyone, that's what i'm most excited about. My aunt in Alabama and her family, my uncles and cousins. Normally i get so excited about Christmas but this year, even more so since I don't live there anymore. So I'm counting down the days.

I have a final tomorrow so today is about studying and tomorrow is about finishing that and then I'll be washing my clothes and packing for my trip!

Oh, by the way, this weekend was a co-worker weekend. Friday I went out with some co-workers for dinner which was good. I got to see a different part of them and get the office gossip :)
Then Saturday my other co-worker had a holiday party at her house. Beautifully decorated house, by the by, and great friends. I brought Jason along and we had a great time, he got toasted on all the liquor they had and I was mingling (yes I mingled) with funky people to get the scoop on where to shop for eclectic and different stuff.

Good weekend, Next weekend should be soooo much better.

Introducing PEANUT!!!

My friend Liz is having a baby. This is Peanut at 12.5 weeks and she's waving. They're not sure she's a girl but i think so... so there ya go!

Jealousy...really?

yes, i get jealous... unfortunately it has to do with my ex... or at least mostly.
but i can't stand not knowing if I'm the only one. I guess that's where trust comes in but that's something you earn. It doesn't help if the guy you're seeing doesn't give you enough cues like kissing you at the end of a date.

My 2 dates with Coach went well. yes, i can just be paranoid but i can't help it. I used to be with a guy who never hesitated to say what he felt or grab my hand, ass or whatever as an affectionate gesture. Now I'm dating and I have to 'read' the guy to see if he likes me 'in that way'.

So here are cues... i speak to him just about everyday. when he drove up from school to move his things he came straight to me and then went to see his family. We talked until the place shut down that night. We went out for his bday to the drive in, he initiated the move to get closer, hugging me through most of movie 1 and me hugging him through all of movie 2. when i needed help on my paper he sent me slides from presentations he did on the topic....

so is he being a nice guy, or does he like me, cause like i said before, great dates but NO KISS KISS. And when he hugged me....Dang that body is tight! LMAO. but when i looked at his blog, this chick writes comments on his blog.. ("oh you're so genuine...i wish more men were like you").. and she's in the city where he goes to school. Where he is right now....could she be another lady he's dating?

so am i being paranoid?
*and no, i didn't tell him about this blog...

role reversal

Why is it that when you spell it out for the guy, they say they understand and they're fine with it. Certain situations are like a dream come true for them. NO games, just straight-talk, it is what it is and it's done.

until they become Bitches....

Whining, complaining little girls.... You see Fronts changed overnight. It's funny b/c he supposedly wants to be a rapper but he needs to be the backup dancer. I should save the texts and phone calls I got from him in case he ever makes it. Our 'relationship' was never a consistent one where we spoke every night or even every other night. But suddenly, he wants to know why I don't call and why didn't i see him when i said i 'might'.

see.... not a man.....a bitch, and totally unattractive.

a sign or a test

In the past two days, i got called for two job interviews in NY. Now it's been almost a year since I've applied for jobs in NY so something is going on. Is it a sign... I'm not really feeling going back to NY.

Or is it a test? Would I give up my current path for money?
both jobs I would like, One was for event planning (DUH!) in a university (Double DUH) and the other was working in a pre-school with children.... (DANGNAMMIT). Where were these ppl when I was looking for a reason to stay in NY?

what do you think?

blahze

Feeling a bit down lately.
Just Blahze
need a pick me up.... I should download some music, that always seems to work.

*sigh*

a different experience

So i had an 'experience' with Fronts....
it was very different and not one that i enjoyed too much. A combination of his style (of which i did not approve of) and not being into it emotionally. Now casually it's something I can turn on and off, but at this point in my life, I don't really want to.

If he would have just stopped being affectionate, things would have gone smoother. But I just had to stop.... and get out of there.

Am I just too old for such 'experiences'? possibly. I want more, from someone who wants more from me... I want to be a friend with someone and have that experience, I don't want to just have an experience I want it to be special each time.

Doors are closing and opening all over the place

A very tiring weekend closes out yet another chapter in my life. It's over...finally. I always want him to be around but i guess it can't be in the same capacity and I'm OK with that.

Last Saturday I emptied out my apt... and Sunday we said goodbye. It wasn't under the best of circumstances and it wasn't the kind of goodbye I wanted but it was goodbye.
Sunday was my friends wedding, a different experience but I was almost in tears seeing her walk down the aisle. She was so beautiful and happy. I had to miss the reception to catch a flight and get back home for work in the morning...

I'm working on my own now. This was my first week alone and I think i did pretty well. I know I messed up a couple of times but hopefully it won't be too drastic and I'll have some leeway.

and now the stuff you really want to hear about... the men stuff...
Right now, there are three prospects...
Coach, Fronts and Boss

Coach, I'm interested in for more than just the trivial. he's tall as heck so that will be a first but I don't know how he feels about me. he's always inviting me here and there, and most recently invited me to church with him to ring in the new years. His bday is in two weeks and i think i have an inexpensive gift idea that he would like. Basketball game tix. That way we can have fun, I've never been to a Bball game so that will be cool and it's a date, so i can get a feel of where he's at.

Fronts i met a while back.... real southern dude. A rapper of course but I'm not interested in him for more than.... 'chillin'. I can't figure out his game... if he wants more or not but i know that i don't, so hopefully he's cool with just being a buddy.

The Boss.... real serious dude. I haven't really gotten to know this one too much since I'm so busy lately. and my schedule is bad enough to deal with and me adding 3 guys into the mix. But he's interested in me, likes the chase (as any successful, serious mans man does) so I'm going to stay busy and let him chase...

I know some ppl may say that i need time to heal and i should just lay off guys at the moment, but i disagree. The more that comes out about my former love, the more I realize that i most likely would be grieving over something i thought was there but probably wasn't. A lot of lies for little things means lies for big things as well. and if there's one thing to know about me is that i hate liars.

So I'm cool for now, besides, I'm not the single, dating type of girl. I'm the, "it's winter and i want to snuggle up" type of Lady!

Why does he make it hard?

why do people do the things they do?
why say you love someone when all you do is end up hurting them?
why make them cry?

I've been asking these questions so much lately, I'm tired of the record. In fact, I'm tired period. I barely have anything left to give anyone, but i will still try b/c not everyone is undeserving. but lately I realize that he is.... he is completely undeserving of my friendship, love or even my attention.
but it's like Ciara says in her song "i can't leave him alone". Not that i want to get back with him, but you don't share your life with someone only to take it back overnight. The bond is still there and probably always will be.

I just really want the best for him. I want him to grow up and be a man. I want him to realize he doesn't have to get over, to get somewhere and to trust himself. I want him to be ok, b/c i know at the end of the day, I will be.

I can't leave him alone

This breakup just gets uglier and uglier to the point where I can't even recognize the people in the situation. So many others have come on board and gotten involved.....

Garette vs. me, my brother, my mother and now a very close friend shavonne. My big bro couldn't take watching me cry anymore and just held his mouth one last time. This time, i heard yelling in the backyard....He read Garette the riot act. He cursed him out the way my mom has been wanting to for months.

At first I tried to stop him, but I stopped myself. Garette needed to hear it but more importantly, I needed to hear it. It was nothing I didn't know for myself but when you love somebody.... it takes the world to crumble before you can give up on them. Although my world was crumbling... my family wanted to save me before it was unrecognizable anymore.

I know I've been too nice, but I don't know how to be anything else. I honestly don't want to be. I'm mean when i have to be, but with the people i love, i hate being mean to them, which is why i just get quiet.

The crazy, sick thing... after everything we've been through, and he's put me through..... I can't help but still love him.

The large friendly office

So I'm at my new job as an Intake Coordinator for United Behavioral Health and I'm thinking... this can be cool. It's overwhelming with everything you have to learn. You're working on 5 different systems at one time while on the phone with someone and I'm training on the systems now but i guess I will get used to them once I observe and start taking calls.

This company is a real company. I've always worked for smaller firms and what's so funny is that first impression here is that people like where they work. It reminds me of Lupe's job, everyone is so friendly and happy and smiling and conversing with each other. My first day I was in conversations with people who saw a new face....that's great. Today I have an invitation to hang out with another co-worker (different dept) and her friends at her house anytime i want (not sexual dirty people). My benefits started Thursday and there are so many perks to the job I don't know where to start.

Discounts on my phone bill, new cars and mortgages, you even get perks for doing a good job. My classmate got a bonus for coming within her percentile range and you get bonuses for referring people who eventually got hired. And I'm not talking $50 bonuses, a nice couple of hundred. The Christmas party will be a black tie event....I'm so excited!

Also, now they want me to start taking calls while my mentor ghosts on them... I'm nervous, it's a lot to go over and you know i hate messing up. On a plus, I got an A- in my last class so I'm truly excited and happy. Now to go home and sleep...right after my coverage comes at this second job.

updating life

I'm at work, doing my last overnight.... (i never want to be up this late unless I'm coming from a really great party) thinking, how boring this is. I have 2.25 hours until I'm outta here and I couldn't be happier.

Update I- I've been perusing online personal websites (not going to say which one(s)) just slowly getting myself back out there. I don't meet too many people with my schedule (that should change a bit with my new job)... and I don't like clubbing all that much. Either way, I'm not too sure how serious I would take someone I met in the club, just like I'm not too serious about online dating. More so b/c I've been there and done that and it's never really worked.

why am I doing it again? why not. I get to talk to guys from the ATL area, get to know what these guys are like and hopefully they'll put me on to some spots i could hit up. It's all about networking people.

Update II- I start my new job, or at least begin training for it on Monday. Fortunately for me it's a casual environment, so I don't have to buy alot of clothes. I will still work part time at Delta for a maximum of 15 hours a week. I won't keep that schedule (plus two nights of school) for long, especially if I want to be with someone, but for now, it's fine.

and that's basically it for now.

Mis-Management

So I got a new job (pending drug screening and background check) but basically I got a new job WITH BENEFITS yayayayayayayyayayayay!! Intake Coordinator at United Health Group.

so here's the thing, I told the snotty manager here with no damn experience on how to manage a workplace, that i got a day job and will no longer be able to work the overnight shifts (Not that i care too much since this is day 4 of me not getting paid) and the heifa got an attitude. Of course any manager worth their paychecks would be disappointed to lose a valuable asset such as myself, however, I did not quit; i merely reduced and changed my hours.

I figured I would work two or three nights a week after work basically take over for the guy that quit and one day on the weekend. THIS HEIFA as payback maybe, put me to work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, meaning I would work 7 days a week PLUS school. Oh you got to be kidding. You got to be off your rocker....crack is wack so why are you still smoking it hun!

So extra money or not.... looks like I'm about to tell Delta to take this job and .... well you know.
The worst part is that i really like my co-workers and that is a first. I get along with all of them, and everyone at Delta but this manager is a dumbass and I have no benefits. Hopefully the staff at UHG will be just as friendly and fun.

The end of what was...begnning of what will be

I guess i have alot of explaining to do...

so much has happened and it seemed if i didn't write it down i could avoid feeling it for that much longer but i can't put it off anymore. Garette and I broke up... No one cheated or anything like that, it was an argument that was way blown out of proportion, but because of it, we are no longer together.

I think the stress of being apart, not fully trying to understand each other and him being a buggart just got to be too much and that was all she wrote. It's been hard to deal with especially knowing the path we were on and reading the past blogs i've written. I did and i do still love him and we talk often on the phone but we will not be getting back together....

So this lady is single again after almost two years, in a new city and beginning to get used to the idea of dating again. This should make for some good stories!

dreamin'

my dreams have always been weird but since i've been in Atl, they've become weirder. i've dreamed about alot of people from my past, having a high school reunion or a romantic relationship with someone i probably haven't spoken to in months or years.

Last night, it was a who's who in my life. it took place in what was supposed to be my aunts basement. All of my friends, plus old friends, old crushes, and exes were there. wer were having a party and ordered liquor (no food i can remember, just liquor). An old crush i called teddy bear gave me a stack ($1000) to buy liquor with and of course Garette being jealous matched this, so we had more than enough liquor to go around. Garette was there and apparently we were still living together but I was now with his friend (which wouldn't happen cause his friend is too small for me). it was just weird seeing everyone there (most dont get along with each other) in one place... maybe i'm missing home.

I'll be home soon

not so fairy tale-ish

You ever felt ready for something but the timing was off? I'm ready for so much but it's not the right time. Biologically speaking, i'm not hearing any ticking clocks but I can feel it. I feel like i'm missing something on my left hand. I wear my ring on my right middle finger but so often i feel like there's a ring on my left hand and i took it off or something...its a weird feeling especially since i never wear rings on my left...actually i did once....

My ex and I (a good ex, not an asshole) got into a conversation about why women fantasize in relationships or have this fairy tale perception of relationships and i have to admit, throughout my relationship with him, that was a big reason for fights... I imagined what the relationship should be. What he should do (attributed to watching too much tv) when we argue, things he should say. I thought relationships were supposed to be romantic all the time....boy was i wrong. i looked for the overt romantic gestures instead of realizing the things he did everyday that were just because he loved me.

I wore a ring with my ex, on my left ring finger b/c we were "so in love". I told him it was b/c i was tired of getting hit on by men, so this would drive them off...but i knew what i wanted and it was too much pressure on him. this time i feel the pressure on myself and there's no way i want to transfer it to Garette. Everyone asks the "when are you guys getting married" question and i feel funny about it. Why ask if i don't have a ring on my finger? A ring is an indicator and obviously i don't have one so leave it alone.

I guess whoever he is currently with has that romantic/fairy tale bug and I've finally realized what it's truly about. Romantic gestures are nice , too many would freak me out, but i know when Garette cooks, it's because he knows I'm tired and hungry, when he sees me tossing and turning, he turns down the volume of the television, or he doesn't work in his computer programs late at night b/c the noises would wake me up. It's the compromise or the little gestures that you need to be clued into.

I do feel ready for that step... more than ready, but it's not the right time....

sucks.