random stuff from a bored employee

I'm eating yogurt at my desk with a fork.... mostly because these f-ers at work failed to let me know we were out of spoons, and knives...but we have a shitload of forks.

My friends sent an email regarding my bday to other friends.... activity, date and time.... I only knew the date.... i found out the time... now to find out the activity. I know i told them to plan it but I'm nosey...it's a case of the little sister. What's even better... My cousin is going to do my hair for $25...yayay.

Then... I got 4 tickets for a Friday Night party boat cruise around NY the Friday before they take me out... But i might give those away for tickets to see Sanchez and Tony Curtis at BBKings on the 11th. Looks like my Bday weekend will be something to remember, if i don't drink too much.

I MIGHT take off my bday, we'll see how things go but if i don't, then I'm taking off May 11th. either way, there's a three day weekend to be had.

no more random thoughts... i'm off to read gossip for the next hour and a half

Changes i been going through

So much is changing and so fast... Previously we gave ourselves time to adjust, now it seems as if we have to speed up time. I can no longer wait for things to happen... for happiness to come. As much as you want to let things just roll off your back, they won't because you're still here and still being affected.

It feels as though my life is on hold listening to easy music as I wait for someone, somewhere to give me an answer so I can proceed. Well since that annoys me so damn much, i've made my decision to leave in June. I cannot sit at this desk much longer, I cannot wait for Clark Atlanta to run their office with efficency. I need to leave and I need to go soon. I can't wait for a change to come, I need to make it.

I make the decision on when to start my life and that is now.

with that said... help me sell my furniture... :(

Hip Hop: an attack on Bullshit

I am so damn sick of it... Let's now attack hip hop because Damn Imus said "nappy headed hoes"... well guess what? he was wrong, but he should NOT have been fired for it. He's a damn shock jock for pete's sake and he did just that...shocked the crap out of everyone and left their jaws scraping the floor. he's misogynistic and that's his problem, you don't like him, turn him off HOWEVER, the first amendment right has to be protected otherwise we might as well start adopting the policies of the countries we're so comfortable invading.

Back to the attack on hip hop.... cut this shit out. Now i don't agree with rappers calling women bitches and hoes...but hey, i call women bitches and hoes. I am not a bitch (never have been, never will be), i can be bitchy but I'm not a bitch and as for being a Hoe... you damn sure ain't talking to me. But guess what.... they exist. Hoes are out there, they've always been; so when 50 cent or anyone else for that matter says, "this hoe is jockin me", i know he's talking about them, not me.

showing Here's my thing, Rock n' Roll depicted half naked women first with all the bleached blond hair and neon bikinis. Hip hop started with depicting their current life conditions with notable NWACompton for what it was to an audience who never saw it. After Hip hop began gaining notoriety, they included the half naked women, they used women as tools in their videos and exploited them. They did the same thing as Rock n' Roll artists only, hip hop made it popular. But here's the clincher... THOSE WOMEN EXPLOITED THEMSELVES. Be it for 15 minutes of fame, money, lifestyle, these women put themselves in the position to be used in videos and depicted as whores. When the hoes stop coming after the artists with money and fame, then the artists can't talk about them anymore.... Fix the hoes

As to the effect on kids.... it's called PARENTING. I for one, was not allowed to go to kids houses where my mom did not know the parents, and most of the kids houses i was allowed to go to their parents were as strict as mine on what we were allowed to watch. Cable and satellite are equipped with channel blockers so you can monitor what your kids view. Shoot, use them it's part of your service package. As for the radio, it's time to have open dialogue with your kids. Children are a lot smarter nowadays and comprehend faster than ever before. You can discuss with your kids once you start hearing them repeating the lyrics of these songs, what they mean, what is acceptable and what is not. You know how i learned not to curse... Once while singing a song, i cursed (in the lyrics) and my mother slapped me over the head and said "don't ever let me hear you say something like that again"... I STILL don't curse in front of her.

Hip hop is not the enemy, I refuse to let people make an example out of it like they did to Damn Imus. I agree, there needs to be a change and accountability, but first hold yourselves accountable for your part in it.

I, Lady from the Blogspot, agree to do my best to stop calling women Bitches. It will not happen overnight, but a change will come.

I can never stop calling certain women AND men hoes b/c that person may actually be one. Oh yea, as for the Spelman women on the Oprah show, so enraged by all of this... Don't let me catch any one of you in the club in ATL bumping and grinding, dropping it like its hot or leaning and rocking with it in the club after you so blasted hip hop. You'd better line-dance your way down Peachtree street.

I had more to say but since I'm at work, i kept getting interrupted... so this is To Be Continued

the last 5 minutes

I'm so frustrated right now with Clark Atlanta U. You submit your materials in a timely manner with big bold letters. You assign tracking numbers so you know where your package is, and a sigh of relief lets out once it's arrived at its designated location all for it to sit somewhere NOT being reviewed. I got an answer in less than a week from Argosy and i'm still waiting....waiting, checking the status everyday. I wish i put a homeing device in it to tell them exactly where the letter was.

Now they finally answer an email inquiring as to the status and say I can email the infromation to them...problem with that....two of my recommendors are on vacation. I want to get this over with. tell me yes or no, get on with student loans and payout and let me pick classes.... I want to be in Grad school. It's one of those damn things where you wait so long for something and the last five minutes waiting (1 month) becomes the most grueling experience you ever have.

sigh...

So in love with no other

I don't know why, but today I feel so In love.....not that he did anything in particular that was amazing...just something in the air I guess, that made me write a little something. I haven't written in a while, so it's rusty, but it conveys what i feel when I think of him, or see him. I remember having these feelings when we first started falling for each other....it's nice to feel it again.


I'm so totally in love with him
This man has taken my soul into his
Spinning me around on my toes
I no longer this of another
I am so in love with his swagger
When he walks, I am at attention
Ready to keep in his stride
I no longer walk with another
I am so in love with his voice
His words tremble out like thunder
Shattering the earth in his wake when he says
I no longer will love another
I am so in love with his arms
They comfort & assure me I am safe within them
Surround me with love all night long
I no longer hug another
I am so in love with his spirit
Let a man be a man and do man things
You want the best for me and get the best of me
I no longer let another be
This is the man for me
I am so in love
with you.

Atlanta here I come!

I got accepted into one of the schools I applied to so at least it's official. i'll be moving to ATL, HOTLANTA. I'm waiting on the second school and then I will possibly have to make a decision between them. Right now, I have absolutely no idea... and i'm doing more research to find out.

But it's a funny thought, me moving out of NY, I've lived here my whole life, and i'm starting to feel apphrehensive about it. But then I get on a crowded train, someone gets cursed out, the temperature drops and I start to feel better about leaving.

So elated about leaving as well that I'm already thinking about what day will be my last day at work. I am Super excited about the day I will hand in my resignation. and if anyone is wondering... Yes, Garette is coming with me to ATL.

Nervousness is starting to creep up but have no fear, this is a positive change that I am welcoming so nothing is going to stop me. But I will miss everyone. Here's to my last Summer in NY!

the medicine of medicine

So the last month has been the worst (medically) in my life probably. One infection lead to another, which lead to another, which had side effects and in the end I now have swollen areas for which both of my doctors quickly stuck me with needles to find out what's wrong now. and of course I'm still on antibiotics. There has to be some limit of the amount of drugs you can take in one month.

But i think I'm just about done, after one chest x-ray, I should be good (provided i get good results from the tests).

Another good thing, I submitted my applications for Grad school. YAYAYAYAYAY! now all i have to do is submit financial aid forms... Geez. If i could just get financial aid for all these prescriptions, I'd be good!

a funny thing happened after a phone call

So I was watching One Tree Hill yesterday on the CW11 and the episode was about how an hour with someone can change your life. Before I go on....yes, I’m cheesy and I watch OTH, get over it. Now, in their hour they spent it with a classmate to whom they were assigned and they had a list of things to do/cover within that time. It was all about getting to know you.

After it, they learned something about the other person, something profound that changed the way they view them, themselves and treat each other. In essence, their attitudes changed. Now normally I would say, yea right, whatever....but previous to that I had a phone call.

This phone call was about getting into school for my Masters which has been difficult for the past two years. Monday I was floored, literally crying on the bathroom floor (not lying on the floor circa Lizzie from Grey's Anatomy after Denny died but more so crouching) at work because yet again, I will not be accepted for the 2007 program for the school of my choice simply because I was 3 days after the deadline date. More hope lost, cry, cry, cry, now research other schools.

I came upon a university for psychology and counseling with a campus in Atlanta. Scheduled a phone call with an Assistant Director of Admissions and Wednesday I had my call. It was a lovely conversation, wonderful phone banter back and forth and then he says "I will recommend you for the counseling program"....waaatt? I didn't even know this was a formal interview, but it was.

So now with hope back in my heart and a drive to move outta here, I come to work to AGAIN be presented with bullshit which can result in it being "Julia’s fault" (an unfounded phrase which seems to come up a lot more lately). Sick and Tired, and basically not giving a shit cause I’m leaving these assholes to their own madness within a couple of months (I can feel it), I spoke up!

****edited out****.

Funny she brought up, with tenacity, a situation only to realize it was HER booboo.
I'm loving it! All because of a phone call

He speaks to me

It's a strange feeling and i get asked about it alot...what made you do it, how did you know? IT cannot be explained, just a feeling, a voice. Something that calls to you and tells you to move...stop....go... and you don't realize that life could be different if you didn't listen.

these moments i can remember and just wonder "geez, if i had driven off, walked ahead, left 5 minutes prior...." but there's a reason for it all and at these times it seems more evident than not. Sometimes it's something that just freezes me, or forces me to look in a direction i wouldn't have....other times... a voice speaks plainly but urgently.

Something was wrong and i knew it....something irked me to the point i couldn't sleep... why wouldn't he answer? Why didn't I hear from him yet...something is wrong. At this point, a lesser person would tell you to stop being a worrywart but something tells you your fears are warranted. Hours later the voice is booming, so you follow....and you find your answer. It's not just relief because you have an answer... it's relief because you knew you were right... you trusted yourself and that nagging voice.

It is at these moments when the unexplained renews your faith, but I've always explained it... it's HIM.

Don't judge a color by the box

So I've been feeling like plain jane... nothing spectacular about me, just a pretty girl nothing memorable. because of my locks, regular and cutesy hats don't fit my head so i can't be all that trendy in the wintertime. Then it gets so darn cold that you end up wearing a blanket as a coat so I look like a big camel colored puffball with a brown hat...

to spice it up, i decided to do up my color. my ends were colored an apricot glaze that came out to look cinnamony-ish and it's cute so i figure, extend it through my head and it should look good as well. I've never had my whole head colored so this was a new experience for me. Plus, the last time I went to a shop to color the ends, they charged me for every little thing and that came out to too much $$$.

Thus, Loi and I decided to do it ourselves... with 3 boxes of color Clairol's Texture& Tones Honey Blonde LOL. I have to say the coloring process wasn't a mess at all. No color ran onto the towels or anything, very neat. it didn't take long to color either and dreads are very hard to color through. then, the end result...

I'm still not sure how i feel about it... it's....new.... different.... I'm not sure if i like it yet. But i will post a pic later.What did Garette think... well he looked at the box and said, that's not honey blonde, i thought i was going to come home to Pam anderson.... loser.

Mazed and Dazed

My grandfather was a police officer in Barbados many moons ago. with that, I've always respected cops because not to would be like to disrespect granddad and that ain't happening. but after last week... FUCK the cops (or at least the NYPD).

The whole system is designed to not keep you down as black people have said for years, but WEAR you down until you give up thus giving them more power. To have you run in circles like a mouse in a maze; the bureaucratic red tape and the idiocy of city workers are at an all time high. No wonder the kids produced today are dumb asses and everyone looks for a "city job", there's no work involved.

They can arrest you and take you to one precinct only to take your stuff to another then 'forget' to give you the information necessary to retrieve it after their 'mistake'. then have you run around the city to three different offices. Office A closes at 4pm and they tell you to come back at 2pm, let you wait around until 3 give you what you need for Office B that closed at 2:30. Try again tomorrow. then Office B opens at 9 but sorry, you didn't make an appt so you'll have to wait.... how can i make an appt when no one wants to give me the number to the office?

wait...keep waiting.... go crazy and then.... "How can we be of assistance today?".... "oh i'm sorry, but you need slip XYZ-40-3978 then make an appt and come back".

GOD I can't wait to move. I'm really starting to HATE New York and this bullshit

he lied to me

but that's to be expected from an ex right. but he's different or at least we're different. there's no need to lie when you're friends and that's all we are. I don't need to be impressed, we've known each other for years. there's no attraction, I'm happy at home.... so why lie?

Sitting there talking about his breakup i thought he grew up, I thought he finally saw the errors in his ways and knew what it takes to keep a relationship. He loved her so much and he was soooo hurt by this, more so than I've ever seen him. He even lost his appetite when we started talking about her. Granted, this was the girl he cheated on me with (does it count as cheating on me when he made me, unknowingly, the other woman?) his emotion was so genuine I wanted to cheer him on make him feel better. Instead i told him the truth... he cheated CONSTANTLY, beyond me there were others, plenty others, stacked up high and you have no right to be mad at her for FINALLY leaving you and your bullshit.

I told him the truth but was proud that he began feeling, that he started to better himself. he grew...it was good, hell it looked good on him (and he did look good). then the next day i read his email (oh pish tosh, it's not my fault he never changed it) and realized....he lied to me.

yes, they broke up, but the circumstances surrounding it is what he lied about. the fact that he agonized over whether or not to respond to her calls or emails when he already did multiple times. the "wondering whether she's calling to be with me or if she's pregnant etc"...when he already knew...what was he looking for from me... it was all a lie.

But I guess if you're looking for sympathy so bad you have to lie...you deserve it, it just won't be for the reasons you expect.

No more excuses for 2007

Well, 2005 was a good year, i met a couple of ppl i dropped a couple of ppl, the same way it goes every year.... but 2006 was the year of Good Feeling. People around me, gained something, lost things that were weighing them down, went through struggles and came out stronger, clearer and with renewed dedication.

Yes, 2006 was good and 2007 has promise for even more... Take a minute and look back to your resolutions/goals for 2006...did you make them happen? What was the Problem? Well you ain't getting any younger and time doesn't stand still for no man/woman, so it's time to get up off that ass and do something with your future before it becomes obsolete. I live by this.... I did everything in my power to make my dreams come to fruition in 2006, most of them did but some of my more important dreams were rejected like the Knicks at any basketball game this season.

That will not discourage me though, that will only allow me to re-up, throw some water on my face and get back out there, cause I'm dedicated to moving forward only. The LADY does not move back, she keeps it moving so you either on the train or you catching the next ride without me. In my previous blog i wrote some goals and I'm sticking to them. A good idea is to post them up on the ceiling when you wake up, above the mirror in the bathroom... a really good place is wherever your eyes go when you are making a #2 (directly across the room, on the floor, wherever you look when you're looking around visiting the john). That way your goals are drilled into your brain.

Stop the excuses, they get you nowhere. So what, you would like to do this but you may fail at it...dammit at least you tried. and if you fail, do something else, pull out that skill you have and work it to your advantage. I know peeps with full-time jobs, kids, getting their masters degrees, my mom did it, my dad did it so dang it, most of the ppl i know have NO excuse. You are your own worst enemy and your FEAR is the answer to your questions.... why don't i have what they have? Why haven't I gotten this? what's taking so long for me? IT'S YOU

No one got to where they needed to be by standing in one spot. Some put one foot in front of the other, some jumped, some even took off running. But in order to get from Point A to point Z you have to make a move.

So what's your next move going to be?

reality Check

Garette and I "unofficially" live together. I've been comfortable saying this when anyone asks... even when they tell me to stop bullshitting. It's unofficial, he doesn't have all his clothes, Most of his clothes are at his other place. So it makes sense, he can't live with me if he doesn't have all his "stuff". He only has one piece of furniture, a hideous TV stand that doesn't have a TV on it because i have an entertainment center.

This rationale has sat comfortably with me for 6 months and then a survey form comes along and makes me wipe off the foggy window. Filling out a survey for Evite (you could win $2500, why not), the box for relationship gave no leeway.

8) Which of the following best describes your marital status?
Married or living with a partner
Single and never married
Divorced, widowed, or separated

I'm not married, but i am living with him... am i living with him...i might as well admit it...he's there everyday...he cleans (yes he cleans)...he gives me money toward daily living expenses so.... yes OH DAMN....reality right where i don't need it, in my face.

yea, shortly thereafter i went back and fogged up the window. Denial is a lovely place south of keep your nose in your own business-ville and west of i don't know what you're talking about-land. It does help that "married or living with a partner" referred to homosexual couples who can't marry so since the answer didn't apply to me, it doesn't count as an epiphany.

yay me

2007 is coming...

I'm so tired... the flu symptoms are coming on slowly but are felt nonetheless. It started with a sore throat, then this morning came the body aches and now i can barely keep my eyes open. Not even to type this blog, since I'm a really good typist, my eyes will be closed for most of this blog.

So it seems Christmas is coming fast. the end of the year even faster and 2007 will come with more promises, more hopes for gratification, hopes for a better future, better life and growth all around. isn't it special, every year we get a re-do to do our lives better, to do them RIGHT.

This year was a good year filled with good things. Moving out is moving up, vehicles taking us to new places, relationships blossoming, it's all good news. 2007 has the potential to be phenomenal with new HOMES, relationships solidified and desires quenched. like every year, it'll be what you make it, plan or no plan every choice you make defines you as a person. So whether you make no choices (punk), risky choices (daredevil), or choices that will ensure a return on your future (safe), it's your life and it's only what you make it.

So here's my top 5 list for what i want to achieve in 2007 (not in order)
1. Move to Atlanta with Garette
2. Get accepted into a teaching program (GaTAPP)
3. Get a raise to out of dept
4. Get Mommi out of that neighborhood
5. Get my house in ATL

Not Built for it

Nope, nada, uh uh I'm just not built for cold weather. It's friggin 19 degrees outside, i froze my face off going to the bank for work deposits and get this.... it's only for today. Alot of ppl are going to get sick from this sudden temporary drop in the weather. These are the same ppl that will sit next to me on the train sniffling and coughing up a storm.....

I wore the equivalent of a quilt with a zipper up the middle to work, jogging pants under my jeans, two pairs of socks a long-sleeve tee. I want to be where the sun shines down and i don't wake up to 18 or below degress...sounds good to me

(FYI, this is an older post that I forgot to post)

December is holiday time

It's December....YAYAY
it's holiday time, barely working time, time to be nice and time to CHUCK people to the side so you can get to that cashmere sweater that's reduced 40% with a 15% coupon in your back pocket. AHHHH, smell that cinnamonny pine air and see those lights. i don't know about you but it puts me in a cozy mood to see houses decorated knowing that i don't have a house, so i don't have to do that shit. ahhhhh

it's also time for my holiday party, at least for this year... so if you got an evite, come along, bring your belly and your funny bone cause it'll be a jolly good time. If you didn't get the evite, act like you don't know about the party so i won't be embarrassed i didn't invite you :)

I want to take a holiday pic with Garette but he will think it's corny and refuse.... how can i trick him? any suggestions?

Happy holidays

Man MS

My huny is doing something that has me puzzled. he's being normal.

No matter what men think, they go through PMS sometimes worse than women. It's Man MS...they get quiet, get attitudes, grumpy, moody, walk around with a frown, easily ticked off etc etc. and when you bring this to their attention they have no idea what you're talking about...riiiiight

so that's currently Garette's mood, or at least it was and then almost overnight he's showing up at my girls night, talking non-stop, smiling, caring and on the phone said "i love you baby"... whooa.... what's going on?

for a minute there i thought we were on a reality show cause this certainly doesn't seem real (none of them are). then a kiss while I'm sleeping, a call in the middle of the day, it's like when we first met.... i mean the middle of the day to say "what's up". no ulterior motive, doesn't need anything, just hi.

I'm not complaining about his recent behavior modifications, if anything it's made things happier at home, more comfortable.

and yea a little on edge to see where the pin will drop.

shut ur trap

OK, let me clear the air cause this became a pet peeve very recently. Do not under any circumstances, critique my food while I'm eating, interrupt me while I'm eating, or have anything to say about what I'm eating before i get to eat or afterwards. In a nutshell, shut your trap and mind your own business.

This is what you misunderstand. When i say my clothes don't fit, i mean, my clothes no longer fit me. I'm not fat, I'm happy with my body. i could be a bit more toned but in essence I'm sexy as hell, make no mistake about it and that comes NATURALLY. the only reason i complain, is b/c bills have to be paid, thus i can't buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my figure.

as ladies, we all go through those times when our bodies naturally take on more water and bloat and we feel like shit, so i may complain then too but really, i didn't ask your opinion, nor do i care for it. the fact that ppl see a bag that says McDonald's, you really think that i must have the entire menu inside of it, or maybe it's a salad, or maybe it's ice cream, or even 1 cheeseburger and an apple pie. maybe the fact that that's all i eat for the rest of the night plays into the reason I'm not 200 lbs.

not that i need to give anyone an explanation but during a 5 day work week i allow myself 1 lunchtime of bad food and it's usually followed up at home by 8 pieces of cheese and crackers for dinner or vegetables. the rest of the week i have lunch from home followed by a sandwich for dinner.

so, whether it was a joke or not, it was uncalled for and rude.

it is what it is take it or leave it

OK, there are positives and negatives about writing a blog. The problem being that this is me in my rawest form, un-edited, un-rehearsed. The words pour from my heart to my head unto the screen and then for the world to see. At most times, it's in the heat of anger, other times just trying to see through the confusion and most often than not, i don't read it back. it is what it is take it or leave it.

I chose to write this blog about me, my experiences, my life, my angers, my peeves, my joys, hurts, funnies, stupid stories and just silly situations. I chose to share a part of me that most people thought they knew but suddenly realize, they don't. I chose to voice through words what I most often can't through emotions cause i have too much of those...that was a choice that was easy for me to do since i love writing and i stopped so long ago.

the problem you ask? Well that comes when people read it...

I would say, don't take it too seriously but these are real emotions. My Epiphany's, which i tell you that I've come to without actually saying what they were, are real. But if you haven't gotten it yet, let me share something else with you....

I'm not huggy, my emotions are kept on the inside until i decide to voice them. I don't get excited about having "private girl time" because it seems too forced. I bond over everyday life experiences; hanging out, everyday sharing, 'catching up' over a plate of potato skins while other tables chatter with their own business is ideal for me. Being around any person too much annoys me and they will eventually annoy me and that is when i fall back...but I'm never far. I go through moods, i have bouts of depression for no reason at all. I hate bullshit so if you're one of those ppl that bullshit to yourself chances are you annoy me with it. I forgive but i never forget. I'm super observant and catch things you don't realize you revealed. I'm always there to help and to listen. If i have done you wrong, let me know cause I can't fix my behavior if I'm unaware. but

if you show no interest in my life it will take me a while to warm up to you again no matter how close you thought we were. it's not me being spiteful, it's me protecting myself. i may come off a bit cold, but you can't force me back, it'll come back when it does. besides, i always get quiet when i have a lot to work out for myself.