So in love with no other

I don't know why, but today I feel so In love.....not that he did anything in particular that was amazing...just something in the air I guess, that made me write a little something. I haven't written in a while, so it's rusty, but it conveys what i feel when I think of him, or see him. I remember having these feelings when we first started falling for each other....it's nice to feel it again.


I'm so totally in love with him
This man has taken my soul into his
Spinning me around on my toes
I no longer this of another
I am so in love with his swagger
When he walks, I am at attention
Ready to keep in his stride
I no longer walk with another
I am so in love with his voice
His words tremble out like thunder
Shattering the earth in his wake when he says
I no longer will love another
I am so in love with his arms
They comfort & assure me I am safe within them
Surround me with love all night long
I no longer hug another
I am so in love with his spirit
Let a man be a man and do man things
You want the best for me and get the best of me
I no longer let another be
This is the man for me
I am so in love
with you.

Atlanta here I come!

I got accepted into one of the schools I applied to so at least it's official. i'll be moving to ATL, HOTLANTA. I'm waiting on the second school and then I will possibly have to make a decision between them. Right now, I have absolutely no idea... and i'm doing more research to find out.

But it's a funny thought, me moving out of NY, I've lived here my whole life, and i'm starting to feel apphrehensive about it. But then I get on a crowded train, someone gets cursed out, the temperature drops and I start to feel better about leaving.

So elated about leaving as well that I'm already thinking about what day will be my last day at work. I am Super excited about the day I will hand in my resignation. and if anyone is wondering... Yes, Garette is coming with me to ATL.

Nervousness is starting to creep up but have no fear, this is a positive change that I am welcoming so nothing is going to stop me. But I will miss everyone. Here's to my last Summer in NY!

the medicine of medicine

So the last month has been the worst (medically) in my life probably. One infection lead to another, which lead to another, which had side effects and in the end I now have swollen areas for which both of my doctors quickly stuck me with needles to find out what's wrong now. and of course I'm still on antibiotics. There has to be some limit of the amount of drugs you can take in one month.

But i think I'm just about done, after one chest x-ray, I should be good (provided i get good results from the tests).

Another good thing, I submitted my applications for Grad school. YAYAYAYAYAY! now all i have to do is submit financial aid forms... Geez. If i could just get financial aid for all these prescriptions, I'd be good!

a funny thing happened after a phone call

So I was watching One Tree Hill yesterday on the CW11 and the episode was about how an hour with someone can change your life. Before I go on....yes, I’m cheesy and I watch OTH, get over it. Now, in their hour they spent it with a classmate to whom they were assigned and they had a list of things to do/cover within that time. It was all about getting to know you.

After it, they learned something about the other person, something profound that changed the way they view them, themselves and treat each other. In essence, their attitudes changed. Now normally I would say, yea right, whatever....but previous to that I had a phone call.

This phone call was about getting into school for my Masters which has been difficult for the past two years. Monday I was floored, literally crying on the bathroom floor (not lying on the floor circa Lizzie from Grey's Anatomy after Denny died but more so crouching) at work because yet again, I will not be accepted for the 2007 program for the school of my choice simply because I was 3 days after the deadline date. More hope lost, cry, cry, cry, now research other schools.

I came upon a university for psychology and counseling with a campus in Atlanta. Scheduled a phone call with an Assistant Director of Admissions and Wednesday I had my call. It was a lovely conversation, wonderful phone banter back and forth and then he says "I will recommend you for the counseling program"....waaatt? I didn't even know this was a formal interview, but it was.

So now with hope back in my heart and a drive to move outta here, I come to work to AGAIN be presented with bullshit which can result in it being "Julia’s fault" (an unfounded phrase which seems to come up a lot more lately). Sick and Tired, and basically not giving a shit cause I’m leaving these assholes to their own madness within a couple of months (I can feel it), I spoke up!

****edited out****.

Funny she brought up, with tenacity, a situation only to realize it was HER booboo.
I'm loving it! All because of a phone call

He speaks to me

It's a strange feeling and i get asked about it alot...what made you do it, how did you know? IT cannot be explained, just a feeling, a voice. Something that calls to you and tells you to move...stop....go... and you don't realize that life could be different if you didn't listen.

these moments i can remember and just wonder "geez, if i had driven off, walked ahead, left 5 minutes prior...." but there's a reason for it all and at these times it seems more evident than not. Sometimes it's something that just freezes me, or forces me to look in a direction i wouldn't have....other times... a voice speaks plainly but urgently.

Something was wrong and i knew it....something irked me to the point i couldn't sleep... why wouldn't he answer? Why didn't I hear from him yet...something is wrong. At this point, a lesser person would tell you to stop being a worrywart but something tells you your fears are warranted. Hours later the voice is booming, so you follow....and you find your answer. It's not just relief because you have an answer... it's relief because you knew you were right... you trusted yourself and that nagging voice.

It is at these moments when the unexplained renews your faith, but I've always explained it... it's HIM.

Don't judge a color by the box

So I've been feeling like plain jane... nothing spectacular about me, just a pretty girl nothing memorable. because of my locks, regular and cutesy hats don't fit my head so i can't be all that trendy in the wintertime. Then it gets so darn cold that you end up wearing a blanket as a coat so I look like a big camel colored puffball with a brown hat...

to spice it up, i decided to do up my color. my ends were colored an apricot glaze that came out to look cinnamony-ish and it's cute so i figure, extend it through my head and it should look good as well. I've never had my whole head colored so this was a new experience for me. Plus, the last time I went to a shop to color the ends, they charged me for every little thing and that came out to too much $$$.

Thus, Loi and I decided to do it ourselves... with 3 boxes of color Clairol's Texture& Tones Honey Blonde LOL. I have to say the coloring process wasn't a mess at all. No color ran onto the towels or anything, very neat. it didn't take long to color either and dreads are very hard to color through. then, the end result...

I'm still not sure how i feel about it... it's....new.... different.... I'm not sure if i like it yet. But i will post a pic later.What did Garette think... well he looked at the box and said, that's not honey blonde, i thought i was going to come home to Pam anderson.... loser.

Mazed and Dazed

My grandfather was a police officer in Barbados many moons ago. with that, I've always respected cops because not to would be like to disrespect granddad and that ain't happening. but after last week... FUCK the cops (or at least the NYPD).

The whole system is designed to not keep you down as black people have said for years, but WEAR you down until you give up thus giving them more power. To have you run in circles like a mouse in a maze; the bureaucratic red tape and the idiocy of city workers are at an all time high. No wonder the kids produced today are dumb asses and everyone looks for a "city job", there's no work involved.

They can arrest you and take you to one precinct only to take your stuff to another then 'forget' to give you the information necessary to retrieve it after their 'mistake'. then have you run around the city to three different offices. Office A closes at 4pm and they tell you to come back at 2pm, let you wait around until 3 give you what you need for Office B that closed at 2:30. Try again tomorrow. then Office B opens at 9 but sorry, you didn't make an appt so you'll have to wait.... how can i make an appt when no one wants to give me the number to the office?

wait...keep waiting.... go crazy and then.... "How can we be of assistance today?".... "oh i'm sorry, but you need slip XYZ-40-3978 then make an appt and come back".

GOD I can't wait to move. I'm really starting to HATE New York and this bullshit

he lied to me

but that's to be expected from an ex right. but he's different or at least we're different. there's no need to lie when you're friends and that's all we are. I don't need to be impressed, we've known each other for years. there's no attraction, I'm happy at home.... so why lie?

Sitting there talking about his breakup i thought he grew up, I thought he finally saw the errors in his ways and knew what it takes to keep a relationship. He loved her so much and he was soooo hurt by this, more so than I've ever seen him. He even lost his appetite when we started talking about her. Granted, this was the girl he cheated on me with (does it count as cheating on me when he made me, unknowingly, the other woman?) his emotion was so genuine I wanted to cheer him on make him feel better. Instead i told him the truth... he cheated CONSTANTLY, beyond me there were others, plenty others, stacked up high and you have no right to be mad at her for FINALLY leaving you and your bullshit.

I told him the truth but was proud that he began feeling, that he started to better himself. he grew...it was good, hell it looked good on him (and he did look good). then the next day i read his email (oh pish tosh, it's not my fault he never changed it) and realized....he lied to me.

yes, they broke up, but the circumstances surrounding it is what he lied about. the fact that he agonized over whether or not to respond to her calls or emails when he already did multiple times. the "wondering whether she's calling to be with me or if she's pregnant etc"...when he already knew...what was he looking for from me... it was all a lie.

But I guess if you're looking for sympathy so bad you have to lie...you deserve it, it just won't be for the reasons you expect.

No more excuses for 2007

Well, 2005 was a good year, i met a couple of ppl i dropped a couple of ppl, the same way it goes every year.... but 2006 was the year of Good Feeling. People around me, gained something, lost things that were weighing them down, went through struggles and came out stronger, clearer and with renewed dedication.

Yes, 2006 was good and 2007 has promise for even more... Take a minute and look back to your resolutions/goals for 2006...did you make them happen? What was the Problem? Well you ain't getting any younger and time doesn't stand still for no man/woman, so it's time to get up off that ass and do something with your future before it becomes obsolete. I live by this.... I did everything in my power to make my dreams come to fruition in 2006, most of them did but some of my more important dreams were rejected like the Knicks at any basketball game this season.

That will not discourage me though, that will only allow me to re-up, throw some water on my face and get back out there, cause I'm dedicated to moving forward only. The LADY does not move back, she keeps it moving so you either on the train or you catching the next ride without me. In my previous blog i wrote some goals and I'm sticking to them. A good idea is to post them up on the ceiling when you wake up, above the mirror in the bathroom... a really good place is wherever your eyes go when you are making a #2 (directly across the room, on the floor, wherever you look when you're looking around visiting the john). That way your goals are drilled into your brain.

Stop the excuses, they get you nowhere. So what, you would like to do this but you may fail at it...dammit at least you tried. and if you fail, do something else, pull out that skill you have and work it to your advantage. I know peeps with full-time jobs, kids, getting their masters degrees, my mom did it, my dad did it so dang it, most of the ppl i know have NO excuse. You are your own worst enemy and your FEAR is the answer to your questions.... why don't i have what they have? Why haven't I gotten this? what's taking so long for me? IT'S YOU

No one got to where they needed to be by standing in one spot. Some put one foot in front of the other, some jumped, some even took off running. But in order to get from Point A to point Z you have to make a move.

So what's your next move going to be?

reality Check

Garette and I "unofficially" live together. I've been comfortable saying this when anyone asks... even when they tell me to stop bullshitting. It's unofficial, he doesn't have all his clothes, Most of his clothes are at his other place. So it makes sense, he can't live with me if he doesn't have all his "stuff". He only has one piece of furniture, a hideous TV stand that doesn't have a TV on it because i have an entertainment center.

This rationale has sat comfortably with me for 6 months and then a survey form comes along and makes me wipe off the foggy window. Filling out a survey for Evite (you could win $2500, why not), the box for relationship gave no leeway.

8) Which of the following best describes your marital status?
Married or living with a partner
Single and never married
Divorced, widowed, or separated

I'm not married, but i am living with him... am i living with him...i might as well admit it...he's there everyday...he cleans (yes he cleans)...he gives me money toward daily living expenses so.... yes OH DAMN....reality right where i don't need it, in my face.

yea, shortly thereafter i went back and fogged up the window. Denial is a lovely place south of keep your nose in your own business-ville and west of i don't know what you're talking about-land. It does help that "married or living with a partner" referred to homosexual couples who can't marry so since the answer didn't apply to me, it doesn't count as an epiphany.

yay me

2007 is coming...

I'm so tired... the flu symptoms are coming on slowly but are felt nonetheless. It started with a sore throat, then this morning came the body aches and now i can barely keep my eyes open. Not even to type this blog, since I'm a really good typist, my eyes will be closed for most of this blog.

So it seems Christmas is coming fast. the end of the year even faster and 2007 will come with more promises, more hopes for gratification, hopes for a better future, better life and growth all around. isn't it special, every year we get a re-do to do our lives better, to do them RIGHT.

This year was a good year filled with good things. Moving out is moving up, vehicles taking us to new places, relationships blossoming, it's all good news. 2007 has the potential to be phenomenal with new HOMES, relationships solidified and desires quenched. like every year, it'll be what you make it, plan or no plan every choice you make defines you as a person. So whether you make no choices (punk), risky choices (daredevil), or choices that will ensure a return on your future (safe), it's your life and it's only what you make it.

So here's my top 5 list for what i want to achieve in 2007 (not in order)
1. Move to Atlanta with Garette
2. Get accepted into a teaching program (GaTAPP)
3. Get a raise to out of dept
4. Get Mommi out of that neighborhood
5. Get my house in ATL

Not Built for it

Nope, nada, uh uh I'm just not built for cold weather. It's friggin 19 degrees outside, i froze my face off going to the bank for work deposits and get this.... it's only for today. Alot of ppl are going to get sick from this sudden temporary drop in the weather. These are the same ppl that will sit next to me on the train sniffling and coughing up a storm.....

I wore the equivalent of a quilt with a zipper up the middle to work, jogging pants under my jeans, two pairs of socks a long-sleeve tee. I want to be where the sun shines down and i don't wake up to 18 or below degress...sounds good to me

(FYI, this is an older post that I forgot to post)

December is holiday time

It's December....YAYAY
it's holiday time, barely working time, time to be nice and time to CHUCK people to the side so you can get to that cashmere sweater that's reduced 40% with a 15% coupon in your back pocket. AHHHH, smell that cinnamonny pine air and see those lights. i don't know about you but it puts me in a cozy mood to see houses decorated knowing that i don't have a house, so i don't have to do that shit. ahhhhh

it's also time for my holiday party, at least for this year... so if you got an evite, come along, bring your belly and your funny bone cause it'll be a jolly good time. If you didn't get the evite, act like you don't know about the party so i won't be embarrassed i didn't invite you :)

I want to take a holiday pic with Garette but he will think it's corny and refuse.... how can i trick him? any suggestions?

Happy holidays

Man MS

My huny is doing something that has me puzzled. he's being normal.

No matter what men think, they go through PMS sometimes worse than women. It's Man MS...they get quiet, get attitudes, grumpy, moody, walk around with a frown, easily ticked off etc etc. and when you bring this to their attention they have no idea what you're talking about...riiiiight

so that's currently Garette's mood, or at least it was and then almost overnight he's showing up at my girls night, talking non-stop, smiling, caring and on the phone said "i love you baby"... whooa.... what's going on?

for a minute there i thought we were on a reality show cause this certainly doesn't seem real (none of them are). then a kiss while I'm sleeping, a call in the middle of the day, it's like when we first met.... i mean the middle of the day to say "what's up". no ulterior motive, doesn't need anything, just hi.

I'm not complaining about his recent behavior modifications, if anything it's made things happier at home, more comfortable.

and yea a little on edge to see where the pin will drop.

shut ur trap

OK, let me clear the air cause this became a pet peeve very recently. Do not under any circumstances, critique my food while I'm eating, interrupt me while I'm eating, or have anything to say about what I'm eating before i get to eat or afterwards. In a nutshell, shut your trap and mind your own business.

This is what you misunderstand. When i say my clothes don't fit, i mean, my clothes no longer fit me. I'm not fat, I'm happy with my body. i could be a bit more toned but in essence I'm sexy as hell, make no mistake about it and that comes NATURALLY. the only reason i complain, is b/c bills have to be paid, thus i can't buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my figure.

as ladies, we all go through those times when our bodies naturally take on more water and bloat and we feel like shit, so i may complain then too but really, i didn't ask your opinion, nor do i care for it. the fact that ppl see a bag that says McDonald's, you really think that i must have the entire menu inside of it, or maybe it's a salad, or maybe it's ice cream, or even 1 cheeseburger and an apple pie. maybe the fact that that's all i eat for the rest of the night plays into the reason I'm not 200 lbs.

not that i need to give anyone an explanation but during a 5 day work week i allow myself 1 lunchtime of bad food and it's usually followed up at home by 8 pieces of cheese and crackers for dinner or vegetables. the rest of the week i have lunch from home followed by a sandwich for dinner.

so, whether it was a joke or not, it was uncalled for and rude.

it is what it is take it or leave it

OK, there are positives and negatives about writing a blog. The problem being that this is me in my rawest form, un-edited, un-rehearsed. The words pour from my heart to my head unto the screen and then for the world to see. At most times, it's in the heat of anger, other times just trying to see through the confusion and most often than not, i don't read it back. it is what it is take it or leave it.

I chose to write this blog about me, my experiences, my life, my angers, my peeves, my joys, hurts, funnies, stupid stories and just silly situations. I chose to share a part of me that most people thought they knew but suddenly realize, they don't. I chose to voice through words what I most often can't through emotions cause i have too much of those...that was a choice that was easy for me to do since i love writing and i stopped so long ago.

the problem you ask? Well that comes when people read it...

I would say, don't take it too seriously but these are real emotions. My Epiphany's, which i tell you that I've come to without actually saying what they were, are real. But if you haven't gotten it yet, let me share something else with you....

I'm not huggy, my emotions are kept on the inside until i decide to voice them. I don't get excited about having "private girl time" because it seems too forced. I bond over everyday life experiences; hanging out, everyday sharing, 'catching up' over a plate of potato skins while other tables chatter with their own business is ideal for me. Being around any person too much annoys me and they will eventually annoy me and that is when i fall back...but I'm never far. I go through moods, i have bouts of depression for no reason at all. I hate bullshit so if you're one of those ppl that bullshit to yourself chances are you annoy me with it. I forgive but i never forget. I'm super observant and catch things you don't realize you revealed. I'm always there to help and to listen. If i have done you wrong, let me know cause I can't fix my behavior if I'm unaware. but

if you show no interest in my life it will take me a while to warm up to you again no matter how close you thought we were. it's not me being spiteful, it's me protecting myself. i may come off a bit cold, but you can't force me back, it'll come back when it does. besides, i always get quiet when i have a lot to work out for myself.

I'm back

It's been so long since I've written anything. My week-long vacation to Barbados was amazing and I have to say certain parts made me long for taking a vacation alone with Garette. I have yet to upload the pics but when I do, I have an amazing sunset shot off the terrace of our hotel.

We must have went all over the island although I did NOT get to see the college with my Surname. We usually take a picture there. Everything seemed so familiar but still so new to me, granted it's only been 8 years since I've been back, for my brother that also went, over 20 years. However, we won't make that mistake again.

Dear GOD...

I'm having one of those days... one of those revealing days where actions and qualities are being exaggerated so i notice them.... or maybe it seems that way. Every attitude, every suck of the teeth, every instance where they think they know me so well they totally mis-read my intentions. Lord it makes me question their existence in my life... should they be here? is this what i have to look forward to?

Chuck it all that little devil on the side of me says... leave them be. and sometimes it sounds so good especially on days like this. So in the meantime.... see ya!

Forgetting your manners....

As I ran out the house this morning a bit behind but determined to catch the emptier train the cold air shocks me and once again my ankle feels like it's about to crack or die. "Walk it off, walk it off" I can hear my grandfather say so I push past and walk only as fast as a six foot girl in sneakers can. Still, short ppl really think they can do better so they walk in front of me, knowing I'm trying to past them, only to have the back of their shoe taken off... really, you should have known...

I get a seat on the train after a couple of stops standing and reading and at the last stop in Brooklyn I put my book away and get ready for my morning 20 min nap to 34th street... That is, until Park Place. It kills me, how regardless of the fact that it is rush hour and the train is packed it would be one person, one ignorant, got up on the wrong side of the bed, angry at the world, needs some good loving to get the stick out their ass person to start an argument about "you're touching me".

Unfortunately it was a black woman. Instead of realizing that perhaps some body parts will touch others, especially when you're blessed with a healthy rear, I think it's unfair to start off at someone because their butt touched yours. Let's think about this... his butt, touched her butt, would it be better if his bag touched your butt... he in fact did NOT touch her butt but in the course of standing on a train shaking side to side, his butt touched her butt... Heaven forbid.

so she starts arguing because of the butt touching to which he says what everyone was thinking, "Bitch". Now here is where I got mad, since I was on his side the whole time, but why call someone out their name cause they got an attitude with you? She did not call him any names just resented the fact that they butt-loved, sucked her teeth and muttered to herself loud enough for everyone to hear. Sure, she may have been acting "bitchy" but in no way does any woman deserve some idiot to call her a bitch just to make himself look good.

So I say to you Mr. Grease-haired man on the #2 train this morning who got his ass chewed out because he didn't pay attention in Manners class and Man training... Calling a woman a bitch is not a good idea. Calling a black woman a bitch is an even stupider idea, and calling a west-Indian woman a bitch....tsk.... If she'da took ur head off I would only have supplied the bag in which to put it in. It did not make you a man, instead, it just won you the...

Biggest Jerk of the Week Award.

Doggie care

Don't take this the wrong way but I like that ppl don't come to my house. I have been everywhere lately, everybody else's apts and no one has come to mine. Does it really bother me?... NO.

but i am thinking about getting a dog... maybe when i get a raise (hint hint bossman) i can really consider it. i need company (not necessarily human) and i'm tired of cats (the devils pet). i think i want my dog now. having a pet makes you come home b/c really, who wants to come home to a dead pet cause you weren't there to feed it... or step in a puddle of piss cause you weren't there to take it outside. and obviously this dog will have to be spayed or clipped cause i'm not dealing with a horny mutt.

i see having a dog as the first step to family... like having my apt is my first step to a house. Getting my affairs, bills and what not in order. keeping up with the household crap, you know all that grown up stuff. Having a child scares he bejesus outta me so if i can have a dog and not kill it, i think that would be a positive thing since these damn plants don't seem to last past a couple of days :)

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