dreamin'

my dreams have always been weird but since i've been in Atl, they've become weirder. i've dreamed about alot of people from my past, having a high school reunion or a romantic relationship with someone i probably haven't spoken to in months or years.

Last night, it was a who's who in my life. it took place in what was supposed to be my aunts basement. All of my friends, plus old friends, old crushes, and exes were there. wer were having a party and ordered liquor (no food i can remember, just liquor). An old crush i called teddy bear gave me a stack ($1000) to buy liquor with and of course Garette being jealous matched this, so we had more than enough liquor to go around. Garette was there and apparently we were still living together but I was now with his friend (which wouldn't happen cause his friend is too small for me). it was just weird seeing everyone there (most dont get along with each other) in one place... maybe i'm missing home.

I'll be home soon

not so fairy tale-ish

You ever felt ready for something but the timing was off? I'm ready for so much but it's not the right time. Biologically speaking, i'm not hearing any ticking clocks but I can feel it. I feel like i'm missing something on my left hand. I wear my ring on my right middle finger but so often i feel like there's a ring on my left hand and i took it off or something...its a weird feeling especially since i never wear rings on my left...actually i did once....

My ex and I (a good ex, not an asshole) got into a conversation about why women fantasize in relationships or have this fairy tale perception of relationships and i have to admit, throughout my relationship with him, that was a big reason for fights... I imagined what the relationship should be. What he should do (attributed to watching too much tv) when we argue, things he should say. I thought relationships were supposed to be romantic all the time....boy was i wrong. i looked for the overt romantic gestures instead of realizing the things he did everyday that were just because he loved me.

I wore a ring with my ex, on my left ring finger b/c we were "so in love". I told him it was b/c i was tired of getting hit on by men, so this would drive them off...but i knew what i wanted and it was too much pressure on him. this time i feel the pressure on myself and there's no way i want to transfer it to Garette. Everyone asks the "when are you guys getting married" question and i feel funny about it. Why ask if i don't have a ring on my finger? A ring is an indicator and obviously i don't have one so leave it alone.

I guess whoever he is currently with has that romantic/fairy tale bug and I've finally realized what it's truly about. Romantic gestures are nice , too many would freak me out, but i know when Garette cooks, it's because he knows I'm tired and hungry, when he sees me tossing and turning, he turns down the volume of the television, or he doesn't work in his computer programs late at night b/c the noises would wake me up. It's the compromise or the little gestures that you need to be clued into.

I do feel ready for that step... more than ready, but it's not the right time....

sucks.

to be or not to be with AC

When i bought the car, the A/C was broken... of course the seller gave the impression that it was just the a/c compressor, not too hard to fix. I've been without air conditioning in the car for about a month now, and i was good until 90+ degree weather hit feeling more like 112. I can't stand it anymore, so I take the car for an estimate....

and wait three hours.... I knew an Infiniti would have a heavy cost associated with it, but who the hell knew it would be $1400 to fix the a/c system? Not I said the cat.

I don't have $1400. I don't even have $400. This is a disaster. I'm really thinking of taking the train today, although I don't think i would enjoy waiting for the bus at school just to get back to the train station after class is over. that was not fun the last time and i ended up walking with no bus in sight.

so, should i take off at 4:30 and take the train, or do 80 on the highway to catch the warm air through the car just so i don't have any crazies asking me to buy bootlegs? decisions decisions...

Simpsonize yourself

That's me as a Simpsons character. I think I'm cute as a cartoon LOL. I've been meaning to do this for a while but only now got around to it.

see how you look as a cartoon.

anyway...off to get info on my research paper.