I tossed and turned.... so did he.
This living apart thing is not easy. it's only been a couple of days but it's hard when you're accustomed to the same person every day and night. I wondered if it's co-dependency... but I don't think that's it.
I've kept busy in the beginning, painting my room, sponging one wall, driving here and there. Kept myself so busy i was tired and ready to fall asleep every night... until Tuesday night. Being in the house alone, emptying more boxes, reality slapped me in the face and i broke down crying. I would be coming home at this time, getting off the train and walking to my apartment only to be greeted by cooked food a kiss and a teddy bear when i wanted to cuddle.
sleeping is hard, thinking is harder and hearing his voice so far away is the hardest. hearing how sad he feels is extremely difficult. wanting to hug him and knowing i can't hurts like hell, so i give him long distance kisses and non-transferable promises to suffice until we see each other again.
such is sacrifice.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
my cup runneth over
it's been a while, but it's been busy.
Last week, I had lunch with my execs, dinner with co-workers and a surprise party from my office. It was quite an event i must say. I have never felt so much a part of the company as i did that day. Not to mention they quickly hired someone to replace me that for the day i trained her, seemed to be an idiot. But that is no longer my problem.
Listening to the founder make a short speech about my time in the company (14.5 months) and how valuable i was, i tried my best to keep it together. Nonetheless, i cried. My first real cry about moving and it happened in front of everyone (mostly everyone) in my office. I couldn't' believe i would have such emotions but there they were. I even got gifts. How cool. After work, i took my new school bag and items given to me and went for drinks with more co-workers. I felt like they were friends. I hadn't felt that way the whole time i worked there....such a same. I almost didn't want to say goodbye...
The next night was my going away party. I'll skip the drama inflicted on me by a careless, lying promoter and skip to the good parts.... I got so dang drunk part of the night comes in flashes. Marking my night, the only ppl that truly showed were my closest friends (even those that attempted to and couldn't, even the ppl that called afterwards i appreciated) and an old friend. Mo and her husband showed first, I've known both of them since elementary and jr. high and it was special to see them there.... the best part, knowing once Mo is a friend, she is always a friend. She was one of the girls trying to hoist me off of the toilet in the club and slapping me in the face to keep me conscious outside of the club.
Garette, it meant so much to have him there. I know his issues with my friends, he knows they don't really like him, rather me be without him and that's why he stays away from them. He was my post, he kept me up as much as he could and took care of me all night and all day following as he always does. I started crying when Loi hugged me in the club and ran to cry on Garette's shoulder.... i don't know how I'm going to be apart from him... but i know i will be with him always.
The girls and the boys... my group of familia made sure i went out with a bang. Fireworks and all, i couldn't have imagined a night like that.... I don't want to get that drunk again but we can get close :)
The movers took everything i needed Wednesday and its the night before my flight. Garette held me for an hour while i cried. Being apart from my Mom will be incredibly hard, from my friends too, but most of all from Garette. I've never been this much in love with anyone. No one has taken as much care of me as he has, put me first, looked out for me as much as he has. he calls when it looks like rain to make sure i have an umbrella, make sure i ate, makes sure when i toss and turn in the middle of the night that I'm ok. All the little things mean so much to me, tomorrow is not guaranteed, but i thank GOD that he was brought to me when he was and I hope this is not where the chapter ends but part two in the series begins.
I love you baby
Last week, I had lunch with my execs, dinner with co-workers and a surprise party from my office. It was quite an event i must say. I have never felt so much a part of the company as i did that day. Not to mention they quickly hired someone to replace me that for the day i trained her, seemed to be an idiot. But that is no longer my problem.
Listening to the founder make a short speech about my time in the company (14.5 months) and how valuable i was, i tried my best to keep it together. Nonetheless, i cried. My first real cry about moving and it happened in front of everyone (mostly everyone) in my office. I couldn't' believe i would have such emotions but there they were. I even got gifts. How cool. After work, i took my new school bag and items given to me and went for drinks with more co-workers. I felt like they were friends. I hadn't felt that way the whole time i worked there....such a same. I almost didn't want to say goodbye...
The next night was my going away party. I'll skip the drama inflicted on me by a careless, lying promoter and skip to the good parts.... I got so dang drunk part of the night comes in flashes. Marking my night, the only ppl that truly showed were my closest friends (even those that attempted to and couldn't, even the ppl that called afterwards i appreciated) and an old friend. Mo and her husband showed first, I've known both of them since elementary and jr. high and it was special to see them there.... the best part, knowing once Mo is a friend, she is always a friend. She was one of the girls trying to hoist me off of the toilet in the club and slapping me in the face to keep me conscious outside of the club.
Garette, it meant so much to have him there. I know his issues with my friends, he knows they don't really like him, rather me be without him and that's why he stays away from them. He was my post, he kept me up as much as he could and took care of me all night and all day following as he always does. I started crying when Loi hugged me in the club and ran to cry on Garette's shoulder.... i don't know how I'm going to be apart from him... but i know i will be with him always.
The girls and the boys... my group of familia made sure i went out with a bang. Fireworks and all, i couldn't have imagined a night like that.... I don't want to get that drunk again but we can get close :)
The movers took everything i needed Wednesday and its the night before my flight. Garette held me for an hour while i cried. Being apart from my Mom will be incredibly hard, from my friends too, but most of all from Garette. I've never been this much in love with anyone. No one has taken as much care of me as he has, put me first, looked out for me as much as he has. he calls when it looks like rain to make sure i have an umbrella, make sure i ate, makes sure when i toss and turn in the middle of the night that I'm ok. All the little things mean so much to me, tomorrow is not guaranteed, but i thank GOD that he was brought to me when he was and I hope this is not where the chapter ends but part two in the series begins.
I love you baby
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
She, He and ME
As the train rocked forward it caught my eye. He kept looking up at me as I stood over Them reading my book. They couldn't see me but inside I was laughing so hard. She was into her music, I into my story and He stealing glances....just then....and again. It wasn't until he looked again up and down that she looked too.....Up....and down.....and up again...just her eyes. And I glanced at her.
I figured in my final days I could look like a girl. I could wear a dress, a dress that fell all too well on my figure. A dress that's unforgiving to the unpleasant, and enhances what'cha mama gave ya. A low cut little diddy that had Garette looking at me with the same eye he gave me. "Where are you going?".... Just to dinner afterwork babe, then you can take it off :)
Judging by their reactions, the dress was hot and She proceeded to whisper something in his ear...."the girl in front of us....." was all i could hear....then his eyes again...up and down. Her head motioned towards me, and she kept talking about me.... and I just watched them. I wanted to say "be easy, I have my own at home" but I let her do what she needed to to stay secure.
She held his hand tighter, two pairs of eyes glanced one more time, then she kept talking so he only looked at her.
I figured in my final days I could look like a girl. I could wear a dress, a dress that fell all too well on my figure. A dress that's unforgiving to the unpleasant, and enhances what'cha mama gave ya. A low cut little diddy that had Garette looking at me with the same eye he gave me. "Where are you going?".... Just to dinner afterwork babe, then you can take it off :)
Judging by their reactions, the dress was hot and She proceeded to whisper something in his ear...."the girl in front of us....." was all i could hear....then his eyes again...up and down. Her head motioned towards me, and she kept talking about me.... and I just watched them. I wanted to say "be easy, I have my own at home" but I let her do what she needed to to stay secure.
She held his hand tighter, two pairs of eyes glanced one more time, then she kept talking so he only looked at her.
Monday, June 11, 2007
finale or a new beginning?
watching the Sopranos series finale I was conflicted. Many people I heard did not like the ending....i thought it was great. It was like ending it without really ending it.
***episode spoilers ahead... do not read if you have it Tivo'd***
To put it in perspective, i will have you recall the episode in Episode 80 Season 6 (current and final season) where the feds discover a body which was buried 25 years ago by Tony and the ever talkative Paulie. In letting Carmela know he had to skedaddle for a short while, she says "It's just, this is what life is still like, at our age?"
That is what the final episode was...the answer to that question. there could be no more final end for Phil and Justice was due. No offense, but that shit was awesome. Janice is back to her manipulative ways again, trying to keep Bobby's kids so she won't be alone and also, so they won't leave with what's theirs. In the final scene, everyone is shifty. Tony keeps watching the door as person after person walks in, waiting for his family to come in one by one. Always looking over your shoulder, living in peace in between tumultuous times. and as Meadow finally walks in...........it's over. No fade to black, no nice family moment.........just darkness and just like that, the Sopranos came to a finale. they left you wanting more and left your imagination running with the script.
nice job.
***episode spoilers ahead... do not read if you have it Tivo'd***
To put it in perspective, i will have you recall the episode in Episode 80 Season 6 (current and final season) where the feds discover a body which was buried 25 years ago by Tony and the ever talkative Paulie. In letting Carmela know he had to skedaddle for a short while, she says "It's just, this is what life is still like, at our age?"
That is what the final episode was...the answer to that question. there could be no more final end for Phil and Justice was due. No offense, but that shit was awesome. Janice is back to her manipulative ways again, trying to keep Bobby's kids so she won't be alone and also, so they won't leave with what's theirs. In the final scene, everyone is shifty. Tony keeps watching the door as person after person walks in, waiting for his family to come in one by one. Always looking over your shoulder, living in peace in between tumultuous times. and as Meadow finally walks in...........it's over. No fade to black, no nice family moment.........just darkness and just like that, the Sopranos came to a finale. they left you wanting more and left your imagination running with the script.
nice job.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
what about your fam?
I thought what was messed up was when my cousins planned to travel and get together amongst themselves leaving me out of the picture. I thought it was even more messed up when one proceeded to tell me all about their plans and what fun they would have, all the cousins together... but it doesn't compare to calling and asking me about where I stayed the last time I was there and if I had any suggestions for them....
and still, not once did anyone say "would you like to come?" although at this point it might result in a click of the phone or a slap to the face. Either way, it would be as much as they're giving me right now.
and still, not once did anyone say "would you like to come?" although at this point it might result in a click of the phone or a slap to the face. Either way, it would be as much as they're giving me right now.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The Interview
Was not worth $209 ... it was barely 30 minutes and at the end i was left feeling well, less than orgasmic. It was like being with a man who lied about the size of his....him.
It took an hour to get there (mapquest, yahoo maps, msn maps..they're all crap). Driving in the HOV lane definitely has it's benefits however, being that i would have to drive by myself, I was NOT liking the traffic situation. coming from the South side to the north presented its problems awfully quickly (more like at a snails pace up the 75).
My interviewer Dave sat me down right away, prepped me for a minute and then the Operations manager came in with the girl who is currently in the position, Sarah. Tip #1, always look at the people who are interviewing you... if they can't dress up for you, or even do their eyebrows, it's not a positive sign. I wanted to crawl across the conference table with a pair of tweezers and have at it.
After the basic rundown of her day/week (which is basically, same thing every day... no change, monotony to it's best) she left and it was me and Susie. Nice lady, laugh laugh laugh, talk talk talk, relate some and it was over.... Waaaat...
What i was more pissed about however, was that the mall a hop skip and jump away, wasn't open yet and NO WHERE showed signs of food. Geez. So i hopped on a train went to the airport where big bruddah picked me up. yes, there are trains in Atlanta. Pretty easy too, North to South and East to West.
So that was that. the Big interview... Sucked. I wouldn't take it if they offered it to me anyway. Why leave a NY job to go to the same NY job. I need something different. This time, I pledge to take the opportunity to be picky. So i guess i did get something out of this trip.... now i know what to say Hell Noo to.
It took an hour to get there (mapquest, yahoo maps, msn maps..they're all crap). Driving in the HOV lane definitely has it's benefits however, being that i would have to drive by myself, I was NOT liking the traffic situation. coming from the South side to the north presented its problems awfully quickly (more like at a snails pace up the 75).
My interviewer Dave sat me down right away, prepped me for a minute and then the Operations manager came in with the girl who is currently in the position, Sarah. Tip #1, always look at the people who are interviewing you... if they can't dress up for you, or even do their eyebrows, it's not a positive sign. I wanted to crawl across the conference table with a pair of tweezers and have at it.
After the basic rundown of her day/week (which is basically, same thing every day... no change, monotony to it's best) she left and it was me and Susie. Nice lady, laugh laugh laugh, talk talk talk, relate some and it was over.... Waaaat...
What i was more pissed about however, was that the mall a hop skip and jump away, wasn't open yet and NO WHERE showed signs of food. Geez. So i hopped on a train went to the airport where big bruddah picked me up. yes, there are trains in Atlanta. Pretty easy too, North to South and East to West.
So that was that. the Big interview... Sucked. I wouldn't take it if they offered it to me anyway. Why leave a NY job to go to the same NY job. I need something different. This time, I pledge to take the opportunity to be picky. So i guess i did get something out of this trip.... now i know what to say Hell Noo to.
Friday, June 01, 2007
my expansion
I'm off to Atlanta this weekend... it's going to be hot!
In changing over my winter clothes to summer, I realized that like most people I've gained weight. Not that its all bad, but still, my clothes from last summer won't fit the same.at least i get to shop for new ones.
So off to Conway I went with a little bit of money for some cheap shirts... they never have what I want when i have the money to get it... I hate that, but either way, you can find some good stuff when you really look through the clutter. And don't forget, elbows up, you saw it first.
but i digress, the child in me, never got passed "the new". Every time my mom brought home new clothes, i had to try them on ASAP. So when i find myself in the bathroom at work trying on my new dudes, i can't help but laugh... I'm so damn corny.
well, at least I'll be able to exchange what doesn't fit after work.
In changing over my winter clothes to summer, I realized that like most people I've gained weight. Not that its all bad, but still, my clothes from last summer won't fit the same.at least i get to shop for new ones.
So off to Conway I went with a little bit of money for some cheap shirts... they never have what I want when i have the money to get it... I hate that, but either way, you can find some good stuff when you really look through the clutter. And don't forget, elbows up, you saw it first.
but i digress, the child in me, never got passed "the new". Every time my mom brought home new clothes, i had to try them on ASAP. So when i find myself in the bathroom at work trying on my new dudes, i can't help but laugh... I'm so damn corny.
well, at least I'll be able to exchange what doesn't fit after work.
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