It's a strange feeling and i get asked about it alot...what made you do it, how did you know? IT cannot be explained, just a feeling, a voice. Something that calls to you and tells you to move...stop....go... and you don't realize that life could be different if you didn't listen.
these moments i can remember and just wonder "geez, if i had driven off, walked ahead, left 5 minutes prior...." but there's a reason for it all and at these times it seems more evident than not. Sometimes it's something that just freezes me, or forces me to look in a direction i wouldn't have....other times... a voice speaks plainly but urgently.
Something was wrong and i knew it....something irked me to the point i couldn't sleep... why wouldn't he answer? Why didn't I hear from him yet...something is wrong. At this point, a lesser person would tell you to stop being a worrywart but something tells you your fears are warranted. Hours later the voice is booming, so you follow....and you find your answer. It's not just relief because you have an answer... it's relief because you knew you were right... you trusted yourself and that nagging voice.
It is at these moments when the unexplained renews your faith, but I've always explained it... it's HIM.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Don't judge a color by the box
So I've been feeling like plain jane... nothing spectacular about me, just a pretty girl nothing memorable. because of my locks, regular and cutesy hats don't fit my head so i can't be all that trendy in the wintertime. Then it gets so darn cold that you end up wearing a blanket as a coat so I look like a big camel colored puffball with a brown hat...
to spice it up, i decided to do up my color. my ends were colored an apricot glaze that came out to look cinnamony-ish and it's cute so i figure, extend it through my head and it should look good as well. I've never had my whole head colored so this was a new experience for me. Plus, the last time I went to a shop to color the ends, they charged me for every little thing and that came out to too much $$$.
Thus, Loi and I decided to do it ourselves... with 3 boxes of color Clairol's Texture& Tones Honey Blonde LOL. I have to say the coloring process wasn't a mess at all. No color ran onto the towels or anything, very neat. it didn't take long to color either and dreads are very hard to color through. then, the end result...
I'm still not sure how i feel about it... it's....new.... different.... I'm not sure if i like it yet. But i will post a pic later.What did Garette think... well he looked at the box and said, that's not honey blonde, i thought i was going to come home to Pam anderson.... loser.
to spice it up, i decided to do up my color. my ends were colored an apricot glaze that came out to look cinnamony-ish and it's cute so i figure, extend it through my head and it should look good as well. I've never had my whole head colored so this was a new experience for me. Plus, the last time I went to a shop to color the ends, they charged me for every little thing and that came out to too much $$$.
Thus, Loi and I decided to do it ourselves... with 3 boxes of color Clairol's Texture& Tones Honey Blonde LOL. I have to say the coloring process wasn't a mess at all. No color ran onto the towels or anything, very neat. it didn't take long to color either and dreads are very hard to color through. then, the end result...
I'm still not sure how i feel about it... it's....new.... different.... I'm not sure if i like it yet. But i will post a pic later.What did Garette think... well he looked at the box and said, that's not honey blonde, i thought i was going to come home to Pam anderson.... loser.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Mazed and Dazed
My grandfather was a police officer in Barbados many moons ago. with that, I've always respected cops because not to would be like to disrespect granddad and that ain't happening. but after last week... FUCK the cops (or at least the NYPD).
The whole system is designed to not keep you down as black people have said for years, but WEAR you down until you give up thus giving them more power. To have you run in circles like a mouse in a maze; the bureaucratic red tape and the idiocy of city workers are at an all time high. No wonder the kids produced today are dumb asses and everyone looks for a "city job", there's no work involved.
They can arrest you and take you to one precinct only to take your stuff to another then 'forget' to give you the information necessary to retrieve it after their 'mistake'. then have you run around the city to three different offices. Office A closes at 4pm and they tell you to come back at 2pm, let you wait around until 3 give you what you need for Office B that closed at 2:30. Try again tomorrow. then Office B opens at 9 but sorry, you didn't make an appt so you'll have to wait.... how can i make an appt when no one wants to give me the number to the office?
wait...keep waiting.... go crazy and then.... "How can we be of assistance today?".... "oh i'm sorry, but you need slip XYZ-40-3978 then make an appt and come back".
GOD I can't wait to move. I'm really starting to HATE New York and this bullshit
The whole system is designed to not keep you down as black people have said for years, but WEAR you down until you give up thus giving them more power. To have you run in circles like a mouse in a maze; the bureaucratic red tape and the idiocy of city workers are at an all time high. No wonder the kids produced today are dumb asses and everyone looks for a "city job", there's no work involved.
They can arrest you and take you to one precinct only to take your stuff to another then 'forget' to give you the information necessary to retrieve it after their 'mistake'. then have you run around the city to three different offices. Office A closes at 4pm and they tell you to come back at 2pm, let you wait around until 3 give you what you need for Office B that closed at 2:30. Try again tomorrow. then Office B opens at 9 but sorry, you didn't make an appt so you'll have to wait.... how can i make an appt when no one wants to give me the number to the office?
wait...keep waiting.... go crazy and then.... "How can we be of assistance today?".... "oh i'm sorry, but you need slip XYZ-40-3978 then make an appt and come back".
GOD I can't wait to move. I'm really starting to HATE New York and this bullshit
Monday, January 08, 2007
he lied to me
but that's to be expected from an ex right. but he's different or at least we're different. there's no need to lie when you're friends and that's all we are. I don't need to be impressed, we've known each other for years. there's no attraction, I'm happy at home.... so why lie?
Sitting there talking about his breakup i thought he grew up, I thought he finally saw the errors in his ways and knew what it takes to keep a relationship. He loved her so much and he was soooo hurt by this, more so than I've ever seen him. He even lost his appetite when we started talking about her. Granted, this was the girl he cheated on me with (does it count as cheating on me when he made me, unknowingly, the other woman?) his emotion was so genuine I wanted to cheer him on make him feel better. Instead i told him the truth... he cheated CONSTANTLY, beyond me there were others, plenty others, stacked up high and you have no right to be mad at her for FINALLY leaving you and your bullshit.
I told him the truth but was proud that he began feeling, that he started to better himself. he grew...it was good, hell it looked good on him (and he did look good). then the next day i read his email (oh pish tosh, it's not my fault he never changed it) and realized....he lied to me.
yes, they broke up, but the circumstances surrounding it is what he lied about. the fact that he agonized over whether or not to respond to her calls or emails when he already did multiple times. the "wondering whether she's calling to be with me or if she's pregnant etc"...when he already knew...what was he looking for from me... it was all a lie.
But I guess if you're looking for sympathy so bad you have to lie...you deserve it, it just won't be for the reasons you expect.
Sitting there talking about his breakup i thought he grew up, I thought he finally saw the errors in his ways and knew what it takes to keep a relationship. He loved her so much and he was soooo hurt by this, more so than I've ever seen him. He even lost his appetite when we started talking about her. Granted, this was the girl he cheated on me with (does it count as cheating on me when he made me, unknowingly, the other woman?) his emotion was so genuine I wanted to cheer him on make him feel better. Instead i told him the truth... he cheated CONSTANTLY, beyond me there were others, plenty others, stacked up high and you have no right to be mad at her for FINALLY leaving you and your bullshit.
I told him the truth but was proud that he began feeling, that he started to better himself. he grew...it was good, hell it looked good on him (and he did look good). then the next day i read his email (oh pish tosh, it's not my fault he never changed it) and realized....he lied to me.
yes, they broke up, but the circumstances surrounding it is what he lied about. the fact that he agonized over whether or not to respond to her calls or emails when he already did multiple times. the "wondering whether she's calling to be with me or if she's pregnant etc"...when he already knew...what was he looking for from me... it was all a lie.
But I guess if you're looking for sympathy so bad you have to lie...you deserve it, it just won't be for the reasons you expect.
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