R U Blind?

Just a vent...

Why is it that men can't see something right in front of their faces...

my friend D'Anthony was supposed to buy tix in advance for me, him and my friend Loi to see MIAMI VICE....

Me: Go to fandango.com to buy the tix.
D'A: they don't have the tickets at moviephone.com

Me: go to fandango.com to buy the tix for the 6:15 show
D'A: you can't buy tix online at fandango

Me: I'm on fandago right now, the 6:15 is open
D'A: I don't see it, the theater doesn't have a 'buy' button

Me: it says 'click the movie time to purchase tickets'
Me: are you there?
Me: where'd u go?
Me: ur stupid and i'm writing u up in my blog

D'A: ohhh, you have to click on the time to purchase tickets
Me: BRB i have to write something.

men....

Fashion connection

I'm slowly but surely building my empire... you see one day I will rule the world, I'll be bigger than Donald trump and my hair will look much better.

In 2003 I undertook an enormous task of producing, organizing and choreographed a fashion show. Why? I just wanted to. But my goodness, the headache that followed was a memorable one, but I can't remember a time I was more focused and quick on my feet. So I decided to undertake another show.

Inflation is kicking my ass as everything EVERYTHING has gone up. Where I paid $750 for the space last time, now I'll have to pay out my ass for rental of the space, not to mention the cost of liquor. Possibly security depending on the place, bartenders ice etc.... geez

but I'm still excited and the best part, I have a bf who has the hookup in just about every aspect of the show. Let's work those connections ppl.

Realization of No More

It's a funny thing that happens in between arguments, the calmness that rolls in like the fog over San Francisco Bay. Being an emotional creature myself, this time is usually filled with me recounting everything he ever did wrong, doubting whether this will last, questioning whether I could put up with this behavior 'til death do us part' and finally, realizing it was just stupid socks on the bed and he's really a good man.... but I'm still not speaking to him

Since he's less emotional, what goes on in his head is usually about 1. food, 2. music, or 3. wondering what his friends are doing and how fast he can catch up to them.

Saturday, none of that happened... After he left the house, I fell asleep and awoke, startled to him kissing me good night before getting into bed. Leaning on the bed, he could feel my heart beating way too fast and then came the questions.... "What's wrong, what happened, why is your heart beating like crazy, sorry if I scared you, lay down, breathe, calm down".

Then when I woke up with the same irregular heartbeat, and Garette checking my pulse. What's going on that has you agitated? So I tell him about my appt to take an ultrasound of my heart since the doc heard palpitations.

What does it mean? Are you sick? How bad is it/could it be?

here comes reality, that 'til death do us part' can happen before we speak those words and that only means one thing.... He's gonna be extra sweet today!

Honey I'm home?

For the first time in a while, Garette came home at a reasonable time. Not after 3:30 am but get this, before 11:30pm. Dude, I know, how exciting and then he turned his phone off and spent the rest of the night with me watching Bridget Jones' Diary II. Then we fell asleep.

Nice right, I know.

I didn't expect him to be home so early but hearing the key in the lock, brought a smile to my face I'm certain he would never know but I definitely appreciate.

Transfer

It seems ever since I left my first job after college, nothing has felt permanent. The job after that landed me in the unemployment line after layoffs, and now this job, although very nice, still doesn't feel permanent. I feel like a fill-in, like I'm here for the moment...

I'm having the same problem when it comes to school. Just when I felt like Guidance counseling was what I wanted to do, rejections from my choice schools has me following their advice and am looking into other options. Still in the education field. I want my summers off dammit! But I figure I can get my teachers certification first, teach elementary school since I can't stand the older kids mouths, then go back and study for my MSed in Counseling. I'm looking at years in text books. Almost sickening.

but now I can get my MSed in Childhood Education, certify in NY then transfer to GA. geez! more transferring, more traveling. another move....

Now, if I can just get a school to accept my ass, I'll be on my way!

Love: Fantasy or Reality?

A lifetime of love
A lifetime of sorrows
A lifetime of happiness
waking up to you tomorrow

A season of wonder
a minute of fear
but I won't last a lifetime
unless I have you here.

My life has been filled with ideas of love. I had fairy tale love. Since I grew up in a house where both parents were actively pursuing their bachelors and masters degrees, my brother and I were required to read. We read a lot. My books were not only intellectual, I would read my mothers novels, which were filled with passage like "he swept her off her feet and carried her from the alter, to his waiting car." Pure fantasy which made my mind often wander, and during these times I would create a boyfriend/husband, perfect in every way, endearing to no end and thoughtful of the little things.... What a man...

Then I had reality, the love shared between my parents which wasn't always the best, but I have my memories of very good times. The love shared between my grandparents, which after 63 years of marriage, still goes strong and other examples spread throughout my family and families of my friends. I've experienced love, both the heartache, rough and tumble sort of love and then true love. One man showed me what was probably the purest love I could have experienced. All truth, all understanding, open and for once, I felt worthy of it all. But that ended and for a while I had only the love of my friends and my novels to keep me warm. And then I met Garette, and now I have a different love, a mature love, a future love

The difference is... Real love, the type you experience on earth with another human being who you did not produce is awesome. The trick (and I am in no way an expert, just a connoisseur) is not to think too much. Love is not to be analyzed but experienced. It is not to be broken down but should fill you up. Love should never be hidden cause it's light radiates to the rest of the world. It is compromising, it is compassionate, supportive, patient, funny, angry, bending and unyielding. Love is fragile, but so strong. It is all things, but only if you let it be.

So is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all? I say yes. It don't feel good coming off of that cloud but the memories have always kept me from developing a cold heart. And whenever I'm in doubt, I look to the Bible

Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way: it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. And now faith, hope, and love abide, and the greatest of these is love.

-I Corinthians 13

BET Uncut

"BET Uncut," a music video program from Black Entertainment Television, has been canceled after a six year run on the entertainment television network.

Infamous for scantily-clad women and sexual themes, "BET Uncut" featured videos from well-known Hip-Hop and R&B artists that were intended for mature audiences only.

hmmmm, not sure how I feel about this. The article goes on to say how 'outraged' African-American women's groups were by the material in these videos and how they degrade women.... Do they?

It's kind of like when Waiting to Exhale came out and men said we were beating them up in the movie, but the reality is, if it doesn't apply to you why are you mad? The fact remains that it applied to some men and not others.

It's the same theory I see in BET Uncut. Some women would do anything (a.k.a Superhead) to get into videos, bend over and let a man swipe a credit card through your ass, and some women wouldn't. Can I be mad at the video directors, rappers, casting agents etc that exploited these women NO, because most of these women are 18 or older, and from what I can see 23 and over and can think and judge for themselves.

I see nothing wrong with it being on TV especially if it comes on at like 3/4 am when I'm fast asleep. Beyond that, if I don't like it, I don't watch it. Just like porn. I don't watch porn, I don't have the channels, if I did, I may watch, I may not, but it's a choice. Just like these women have.

I'm so tired of everyone empowering women when they want and then playing the victim. Every woman has a choice. Maybe they should examine the women to see why they want to be in the videos. Don't boycott the rapper; Rappers are an enterprise, they do what works and if the ladies are lined up around the block to bend ova, they will swipe. If we had more women interested in geeks, maybe we would have more boys studying and swiping motherboards instead of wishing to be Mr. Next Bling Bling.

Going home

The whole way to the doctors' office I was ready to pass out. Literally, I tried reading a book but it was only making me nauseous. So I'm alone, sick, body feeling like an orange after it's been juiced and I get off the train and lucky me, there's a bus. I jump on and at some point realized.... I'm on the wrong bus. Geez

Finally get to the docs office and I'm ready to fall out on the table and take a nap. Just 5 minutes please mom.... An hour later I see the doc who in two minutes writes a prescription for antibiotics. "I love you" I want to say but "thank you" is all that comes out, until he tells me, "do you ever notice that your heart doesn't beat properly"..... ummm no, only when I'm sick do I notice it's irregular, but not really.

So it appears I have heart palpitations... or murmurs something that warrants me to come back for an ultrasound. "We need to have this looked at, it could be Meso----" (I dunno, some doctor speak). Grrrrreat.

Relaying the convo to my friend Lupe and she tells me "Did you tell the doc about your migraines?" No I reply, knowing full well that's info that would be useful but hey "it's on my chart". We all know I'm falling apart.

So I get in a cab to my mothers house cause she wants to go to Macy's and get a toaster oven for my apt. Since I got there before her, I figure, let me take a nap. A couple hours later, she wakes me up to take me home... MAN, I know I have my own apt but sleeping at her house was the best sleep I've gotten in days.

It felt so good to be home.

When sickness falls

Oh gosh, it's hard to swallow, my ear hurts and my body feels extra sensitive.... I must be getting sick.

This sucks, I only have like 2 or 3 more sick days for the year left (whoever thought of combining sick and personal days into 5 days for the year was an ass), and I don't want to use them since winter is my nemesis and I always get sick starting in September.

the worst part is, feeling stupid cause you're extra slow at this time. Like me spraying my leg with lysol for a good 5 seconds before I realized it wasn't hitting the garbage can. oh joy... I think I can leave early without them recording my time. Besides, I'm the one that logs this info :)

Free yo mind

Isn't it freeing to let it out... Whatever problems you're having, whatever mini-dramas, whatever's ailing you to just let it out and tell someone what's going on?

It is if you're the one talking, not necessarily so if you're the one listening. Whatever the result, I had my mini discussion with Garette. He took it cool although by that time, my furor had built up and I was an emotional case. Everything became an issue. By the end I was fine, not so sure if he was though. In the end, I still ended up getting the milk and water which was promised to me a week ago.... patience, patience....

anyway, Weekend was quiet minus the bartending gig where Mr. McAss so happened to mis-manage his event. Typical. And why is it that people cannot seem to tip? Tipping is good, always good.

The Devil wears Prada was good IMO. The fashion throughout the movie was awesome and had me trying to figure out if I could pull off the same styles (of course I can). Meryl Streep was fantastic; I think she played the Bitch Boss, Miranda Priestly, to a 'T'. Miranda, the type of boss not many of us come across but we all know someone who works with them, is the CEO of Runway magazine. Everything in fashion goes through her and only is a hit if she says so. Knowing this, she hires a slump of an assistant Andrea (played by Anne Hathaway) who transforms herself from rugged, out of college, doe-eyed worker, to Sleek, stylish, always one step ahead, determined not to let Miranda win tigress.

I won't spoil the rest for you but I must say I can't stand the friends in this movie and the ending truly disappoints me as a semi-sometimes feminist. Poo.

Off with his head

Now, I'm kinda new to the relationship thing, not that Garette has been the first guy I've been with in my life, but in my adult life (whatever that is) this is my first real relationship after 4-5 years of singledom (geesh).

My point being, birthdays are still special occasions... and at my birthday I made sure to include him in my activities, at the very least inviting him, so what's the problem you ask? WHY am I not invited to his? He'd rather go out with his friends for the entire weekend sans yours truly.

I'm baffled, no I'm mad. Previous plans I had just to take him to a movie (he wants to see Pirates of the Caribbean and I don't) and dinner the day before (today) were scratched because now he has to go to a concert with his friends... Are you shitting me? So tonight, no G, tomorrow he'll sleep then I have a prior engagement and he'll go to his party so again, no G, then Sunday, who knows but I'm guessing, if his friends need something, no G.

This is ridiculous, is it too much to ask that your girlfriend wants to spend some time with you on your birthday? Am I thinking too hard that he doesn't want to spend time with me? Should I just accept the male bonding time they don't really need since they see each other every other day?

added to the fact that twice this week his promises to me weren't kept once his friends got involved and needed him for something. This brings about "the talk". I call and say "babe, we need to talk", to which he responds "not right now, I have too much in my head" to which I respond 'click'. I really don't want to have 'the talk' on his birthday so I'll hold my tongue but Sunday, all bets are off!

Darn relationships...

Mother to Daughter

So as I grow into womanhood, whatever that is, I'm slowly figuring things out while calling mom for advice from which toilet paper is better to which shelf should the food items go in.

I finally got my own place, with much ado from family members, but its something I had to do and mom being the coolest person in the world, understood. Garette being the kind, caring manly man he is, helped me out tremendously and of course now is always there. So what is to follow... The mother to daughter talk.... When I had my period, there was less talk involved...

Mom: You got your period, stay away from boys
Me: ???

...and that was that. This talk was a little more involved.

Mom: How many times are you showering a day? What are you wearing to bed? Are you cooking for him? You need to wash this every 3 days, replace this every week

etc etc etc...
WTF?!? This is NOT the mother I knew that chased away potential boyfriends by looking at them sideways, no this was a woman in love with Garette and as she said "Do not let this one get away".

Astonishment being my current look she goes on to say how accepted he is in the family... WHOA

Mom: So have you guys talked about marriage....

Conversation over.